How long will I be lonely?

[JAKESCHAIN]

I have been married to my DH for nine years. Unlike most I knew about his 'preference' when we were dating--in college. We were young and immature. After less then tem months of dating we were married. I thought I could change him. Or straighten him out.

 

I was wrong.

 

Well, nine years and two kids later, he has found that "one". That man who seems to understand him. That man who shares his struggle and even has an added burden of his own. This new man is HIV positive. He has become a part of our family. I have accepted this man because of what he has done for my husband. Made him confident, free and hopefilled.

 

I want to die.

 

I now feel totally obsolete. I do not feel needed, desired, or special. I feel like that the only reason I exist is for a second income and to tend to the children. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I have never felt so unfullfilled. I do not know what to do.

[OhJeeeez]

Are you saying that he is homosexual, dating another man and you are still married?????

 

One thing that scares me, are you two still sexually active?? Hun, this is a bad situation...one you need to get out of, for yourself and your kids...

[JAKESCHAIN]

Yes, but we are safe. The gay community calls it playing. For us it is always 'playing safe'. I have been considered by his friends as a 'miracle'. Because I am so accepting. I don't know maybe I just like seeing him happy for a change. So free.

 

Maybe I want to show these outcasts of society what the love of Jesus looks like. So many of them have even been shunned by their churches and ministers. I want to prove to them that not all christians are like that. To be sit apart.

[Annonimius]

Ofcourse it should never have had to come this far, because you knew it from the start... But that's all hindsight.

 

Right now it seems the best is that you get a divorce... He can leed his life with that man and you need to find your own purpose again. Raising children is a heck of a job and no mother is ever obsolete! If you need more however, you should realise that you can never fulfill your husbands desires and neither can he make you happy like this. Perhaps after a divorce you can in time learn to love someone else... But first start to love yourself (wow that sounded cliché

 

By the way: you don't have to hate him to get a divorce. You just need to find a way of living that is nice and rewarding for all of you.

[Celadon]

Jakeschain, my heart breaks for you. I hope you have support outside the home, some women you can turn to who love and value you. When a person feels obsolete, as you say, she needs to have friends around her.

 

My opinion is that you must separate your life from your cause. It's noble and right not to condemn someone as a person. But you don't have to take that cause to the extreme and stay married to someone who is not being faithful to you. Isn't unfaithfulness called adultery? That doesn't seem right.

 

You will want to have a true love who cares for you and desires you. If your husband -- as much as you care about him, and I'm sure he cares about you -- is not willing to honor his commitment to fidelity to you, then you should separate from him for your own sake and for your kids' sake. Or else, you'll probably self-destruct.

 

It's admirable that you want to be strong, but even the strongest of us need peace in our lives and need to make decisions in our own interest. Please take care, Jakeschain, and let us know how things go.