some good initial steps?

[Striver]

I had a relationship with a classic commitment-phobic (CP), off and on, over the past two years. She broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago and I never want to go back to that situation again.

 

I started no contact, though I cannot avoid her entirely since we work in the same office building. I also went out and read a couple relationship books, including one on CPs. I was not even aware of what was happening, could not see the forrest for the trees, till one of the members here pointed out what was going on.

 

I am experiencing alot of anger and hurt. I feel like she used me, and was dishonest. Of course, I am partly to blame for letting her do that. Couple that with the love I still feel for her and its a really mixed up time. I wish there was an easy way to let go, to not let my mind wander to thoughts of her. I have debated making a "list" of all the things she has done that has hurt me, and reading it each time I want to go back.

 

If you have any tips, some good initial steps, for this early period, it would be appreciated.

[Scout]

Actually, making a list is a really good idea, and you will be surprised at some of the things you think of, things that subconsciously bothered you, but you pushed away because you wanted things to work. I've done this before and it really, really helps (you have to keep reading it, though).

[OhJeeeez]

Time...

 

Thats what it takes, seriously. I was with a girl for 5 years, even had a son together. She cheated on me and I confronted her, she wasn't totally honest with me, even though the crying was to try and convince me. I had a really hard decision to make.

 

But I rose above it and realized that I could never trust this woman. That was a solid fact. I for one will never stay with someone I can't trust because they decived me, lied to me and hurt me because they were having issues. Thats not my problem right? I didnt cause it, I gave it everything.

 

That right there made me never want to go back, even though I loved her, there was no way I could believe that she would not do it again. Now, a year after I broke it off, I look back and realized how long I actually put up with the lieing and telling myself that I loved her.

 

Again though, time heals all. Take it easy, don't get involved with anyone else yet. Live for yourself. Heck!! Your single again!! Go live life and enjoy those things that you couldn't do being tied down! Believe me, this helps. So crawl out of your self pitty hole and go have some fun!