Divorced men...with a child.

[speak]

Let's say you are a divorced guy, you've got a kid. You are over your heartbreak/hurt/all the drama that may come with divorce and now you are back to yourself. Do you think you will ever date/love again? If so, what do you look for...especially that you have a child. What would the most important part of the relationship be and do you think you would have learned a lot from your divorce and previous relationship?

[catfeeder]

I'd take a year after the divorce is finalized to grow into my independence and stabilize. A year would allow me turn each milestone into my own and go through whatever I need to go through to work that out. From there I'd date but keep my dating separate from my child--it's what babysitters are for. Kids don't get dating, they bond quickly, and exposing a child to casual dates teaches the child that adult relationships are disposable. I would introduce my child to a partner only after many months and only if it's developed into something permanent.

 

As for figuring out whether I can ever love again, that's what the year is for.

[Marisa33]

Being a child of a divorced family, I can tell you that when my mother started dating again she never brought men into our lives. We never even knew she was dating, she said because she was only going to bring another man in if ahe knew 100percent he was going to stay. She dated my now stepfather for 6months before we met him an we instantly loved him. We were very young mind you, my brother an I. But he was very fatherly, he would offer to pick us up after school so my mom could relax after work an he would even make us dinner an take us on vacations. He soon traded in his sports car for a suv an asked my mother to marry him. They've been together 20yrs now. I think the important thing is to not let women go in an out of ur kids life but to let them know ur not just looking for a future wife but a mother as well, that is what she told my stepfather an he respected that she was upfront becuz it showed how much of a good mother she was. Good luck!

[lvrnftr11]

I like catfeeders' advice! It's up to you on how long, but a year is a place to start. One bit of advice also, your kids will grow and be out of the house in a few years. Make sure you are attracted to your future mate, because she will hopefully be there for you when the kids move out and start there own families.

My feeling is that too many people jump into a second marriage because they are lonely. Second marriages are far more difficult than first love.

[benga]

Love comes again...... Most often, just don't try too hard to find it...

 

Good to see a few live threads that I can relate to very well - single parents and wanting to find someone they can connect with..

 

I am a single father, have been for the past 2+ years. I have dated frivolously knowing that I wasn't ready for anything serious and/or emotional. I also realized that my daughter (now aged 7) needed me, my time and all my attention to get over the split between her mother and myself.... I realize that if I got caught up in an emotional tangle with somebody else, I would have been able to be the "rockstar" ( father that I am today. Being a good parent makes me happy and gives me alot of confidence and a huge boost to my self esteem (which was left in tatters after our break up)...

 

Sure, I would like to meet, date somebody serious, mature, intelligent, attactive... the list of what we want is endless.. i am not trying too hard... I am pretty sure what must happen, will happen.

 

I also realized that the only source of joy, comfort, solice ....is within... I tried to look for comfort externally, only to realize that it is all internal ;-)...

 

All the best....

 

Benga