Delusional Kisses Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Do you think there should be distinct rules for a friends with benefit situation? I'm embarking on it with someone and I think there should be some ground rules. I thought it was going to be something more with him, but I am now certain that it is not. I'm very attracted to him and we have mutually decided to keep that part of our friendship in play. But I think there should never be any "date" situations. If we go out together, it should be a situation with us paying our own ways, no PDA, no use of pet names, etc. What do you all think? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 If you wanted "something more" with him, then don't enter a FWB arrangement. If you have decided that you don't want more REALLY and not just because he won't give it, then I would step out. FWB is for people who are friends or long past exes that don't have any interest in anything "more," they might just be between relationships and want a sexual release. If a FWB has benefits on a regular schedule - like every friday night, then it is not FWB. It is dating but letting the other person off the hook as far as a commitment. I think that you should not go out together if this is just FWB. If you have to censure yourself and "remember" not to do relationship things, like pet names and PDA, then it really won't work. personally, I would end it and then meet someone who wants to be in a full relationship rather than meeting someone for that purpose and taking what you can get. Do what you like, but that is just my opinion. And if you meet someone or want to meet someone, you'll have to cut this off, btw. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 You're just going to be hurt in the end because you want more than FWB with this guy but you're settling because that what he wants. Find someone who wants a relationship since that is what you want. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I would check out some of the threads on here regarding FWB situations. I also agree with abitbroken, FWB most always becomes very complicated for one or both parties involved. Link to comment
imoutfront Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 No! Do not do FWB! Especially if you had wanted something more from him. I speak with experience when I say that you are going to get hurt. Sure, you may think, "He doesn't want more. Oh well, I can handle this. No big deal!" It is NOT that easy. You may think that you can set up ground rules like no cuddling, no PDA, etc. But after time goes on, you'll start to feel worse and worse because you know, you KNOW you want those things but will not get it from him. The whole "relationship" will feel so incomplete, so void. And though you won't admit it, deep down you'll hope that somehow his feelings will change for you, and he'll eventually want more. He won't. And if he ends up meeting someone else, and decides he wants to date her (not FWB, but dating!), then how will you feel? You'll feel like you were the "good-enough-for-now" girl tossed to the curb. I don't mean to be harsh or rude. But please save yourself from this unnecessary heartbreak. Treat yourself with some respect, and keep on truckin'. You'll find someone who wholly wants to be with you. Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Oh no! If anything, I'm super happy about this situation. I'm a complete commitment-phobe and I only assumed that he wanted more. I found out he doesn't so it all works out just fine. We are long distance so it would be no set schedule...just whenever either want of us wanted to travel to see the other. I don't intend on ever being in a relationship and he doesn't for now. I told him if he ever starts to have feelings for another girl...let me know and I'll step out. Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 And as far as pet names, PDA and paying my way...its all things I was uncomfortable with anyway. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I think the rules should be that both people are single, should call each other if they are in the mood to have intercourse, and should reveal if anything has changed about their health status -i.e. if they were exposed to an STD or are pregnant. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I only ever had one FWB. Although he wanted *more* I kept making him wait because I was not ready to enter into another relationship at that time. I also was talking to an ex who I wanted to be with at the time. Its funny me and the ex both talked all the time like we were together and we both were in FWB Anyways, I think if two people want to keep it strictly as FWB then your right no PDAs, pet names or one person paying for stuff. I seen people do FWB and act like they were going out but both got hurt in the end by it all the time it seems. This is just my opinion but I think for a FWB to work it has to be taken as just casual sex and nothing more. Yes still be friends of course, but the minute complicated things get involved or someone gets feelings for the other person, problems seem to arise. I agree with Batya33, good rules mentioned as well. I think it will be fine between you two, if neither want nothing more anyways. Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Ugh see, this is where things get confusing for me. I've had two FWBs and the first didn't end so well... I'm still seeing the most recent guy. They both INITIATED PDA, and they both have invited me out on dates during the day for a few hours which in no way at all involved the bedroom. So I don't mind all that. If I don't feel like PDA or going on a real 'date' (too relationshippy for me!) then I say no or whatever, but why have a "relationship" with someone without any commitment whatsoever? From now on I am staying away from FWB... Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I read a quote that said "A love affair with knowledge will not end in heartbreak". True? Maybe.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I read a quote that said "A love affair with knowledge will not end in heartbreak". True? Maybe.... Maybe but irrelevant -a sex partner is not a love affair -it's a person you meet up with when both of you feel like having intercourse. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I only have one rule: be honest. We both get tested, we only have sex with each other, when either starts to feel something (for each other or someone else), we fess up. It's about safety. Link to comment
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