14 and in need of some help...

[chris_tine]

hi everybody...i'm 14 years old and i'm living in a very...well..odd situation. i'm in one of those families that appears to be perfect because of what we have and how we act in public, when in reality we're more dysfunctional than (pardon my choice of words) rats on crack.

 

it all started when i was just a baby. my dad had a really bad drinking problem. he would come home drunk and snap at my mom. being the aggressive person my mother is, she would go back at him. i remember hearing nothing but screaming ever since i was little. i knew every curse word in the book before age 5 (but i refused to use them. thank god i didn't pick them up!). i remember constantly waking up in the middle of the night to bangs and crashes and them yelling their heads off, and when i would go down to see what was up i would find them throwing chairs and everything else in sight at eachother's heads. my dad even tried to strangle my mom when she was pregnant with my older sister. i guess the stress with my dad became too much for my mom, so she started to take it out on me. physically. my sister, being older and stronger, always ended up being completely unscathed. i guess my mom knew that i was scared of her because i showed it, and she knew that she could really do some damage.

 

the years passed and she kept on "disciplining" me. even after my dad went to AA and kicked the drinking habit. people seemed to wonder why i was always showing up with a broken leg or sprained arm. i told them that it was because i'm a complete and total clutz. i must admit, i am a bit on the clutzy side! however, most of the injuries ive gotten over the years were from my mom. she's literally *thrown* me out the door of the house in the middle of the night during january in nothing but my pajamas and made me sit out there until morning. then she comes outside and drags me by the hair into the house. she's hit me with shovels, held screwdrivers to my head, stuck me repeatedly with pins until i had a bunch of tiny bleeding holes in my arm, and she once even hit me over the head so hard that i blacked out.

 

my mom's not the only one who puts her hands on me when she gets angry. my sister (though she doesnt do it as often) tends to lash out at me physically when i make her mad. she broke my finger a few months ago and has given me some scratches and bruises, but nothing really bad.

 

my mom started to cool it for a while, and i really believed that she had changed. pfft.

 

then, when my sister was about 14 (my age) she started to rebel. she would sneak out in the middle of the night and we found out that she was having sex with a 29 year old man. she was tearing my family apart all over again, and sure enough my mom went back to her old ways. my sister got even more violent with me because of this newfound anger inside her that was surfacing itself.

 

thank god she has toned down. but my mother is still her old self. my entire family has been in therapy since i was 4, and this past year DYFS got involved. i'm just so scared of where i'll end up, so whenever i had to talk to them, i would choke up. i'd lie. i'd tell them that everything was completely and totally fine. half of me wants to kick myself for not spilling my guts to them then and there, but the other half is still glad i didn't. i really don't know what to do anymore! she always apologizes...and i stupidly think that everythings going to be fine, and in a matter of twenty four hours my thoughts are proven false.

 

i'm guessing that my battle with anorexia, which later progressed to bulimia, had something to do with the home situation. i had the eating disorder for about six months, but i basically pulled myself out of it, with the help of god. a beloved teacher of mine helped me get in touch with Christ, and now i finally have somewhere to turn for comfort. that's one good thing that came out of all this. my church is up the block from me, and i go every sunday. i read the bible and pray the rosary and it gives me strength.

 

now my dad is dying from emphysema. the doctors say hes lucky if he lives another year. i don't know how i'll live with JUST my mom. even though he did some bad things in the past, i love my dad more than anything.

 

the only people i've talked to about this in full are three very close friends of mine. but they can't relate, and i can tell that whenever i try to talk to them they get really uncomfortable and just don't know what to say. this is why i'm posting here.

 

*phew* that felt good. i can't say all that out loud to my friends...i end up crying!! i know that many of you have had expierences like this. so...you were or still are on the same page as me and maybe you can give me some advice.

 

thanks!!

 

-chris

[HaloDestroyer]

Whatever you do, Chris, you can't allow the situation to progress along the same course.

 

You have to be strong, VERY strong in a situation like this. Believe in yourself, and if it suits you, Christ, and you can pull through.

 

What you need to do is phone one of those child advice lines. I live in the U.K.; over here they call it 'ChildLine', but I'm not sure what you have over there. They're usually free, and can really point you in the right direction. They're also anonymous, and this can help greatly.

 

I hope you can straighten this all out for yourself.

 

I did have a similar problem when I was your age. I'm 16, 17 in August, but at 14 it looked as if I had come from a broken home. I didn't have a bad life, but sometimes the stress was too much for my parents, and they'd try taking it out on me. I'm slightly on the short side, but built like a brick **** house, and I myself was turned into a very violent person.

 

Up until I called 'ChildLine', I would regularly get hit in the face by my parents, but would strike back with equal force. I know not many people in our position could actually do that, so I guess I was lucky. 'ChildLine' helped me sort things out, and put me in touch with the right people. All free of charge.

 

An immeadiate cure would be to turn to Bushido; The Way Of The Warrior. A line, taken from the Samurai Creed, states the following;

 

I Have No Castle; Fudoshin Is My Castle.

 

'Fudoshin' is Japanese for Immovable Mind.

 

Strength of mind, while I tapped it from following the Samurai Creed, can be gained in your position from the life of Christ. It will be your greatest ally in the defeat of your problem.

 

 

XxX-Ben-xXx

[makaw]

Dear Chris,

 

I'm so very sorry to hear of the life you have had to live. No one should have to deal with this sort of abuse.

 

I would like to recommend a book called, "A Child Called It" by David Pelser. The author was abused for many years. In fact the book states his case was one of the worst cases of child abuse in California during that time. The reason I suggest you read it is because it is written from David's point of view. It tells of his will to survive and thrive above all else. He has become very successful but it was a definitely an uphill battle, BUT HE WON!!!! Perhaps you can find some inspiration from the book and feel as though you are not the only one who has experienced such things.

 

I would also strongly suggest you tell the truth to CPS. David Pelser feared what would happen to him telling the truth but ultimately it was his salvation. Talk to the school counselor or a trusted teacher. Get some help from somewhere.

 

Please read the book. It's a fast read and easy. I got my copy used off link removed for about $8. Please keep in touch and know there are many people praying for you.