in need of advice

[otterloo]

i have posted on here before but my situation continues to evolve and i am still as confused as ever. my ex, whom i broke up with but want back (long story), says that she still loves me but hasn't forgiven me for mistakes of the past, so she is not ready to get back together. thing is that we still spend a fair bit of time together as friends and all the while i want nothing more than to be with her. its so hard for me especially because we are getting along as well as ever, yet i cannot do anything to get her back. my emotions keep getting the better of me as well. i continue to try to win her over with words even though i know that i can't and it only causes some awkwardness between us, mostly short lived though. we even have a weekend away planned together as friends.

 

she really wants to take things slowly and see if her feelings for me increase and to see if she can forgive me, but its so hard to just sit back and do nothing. i have really changed but nothing i say can convince her. should i tell her that i need space to get my feelings in check or should i just be her friend and surpress all of my feelings or should i continue to drop hints and risk more heartache? i feel as though i am so close to getting her back, yet so far at the same time.

 

if we don't see eachother she may take this as i don't want to see her at all and i will also be missing out on fun times as a friend with her. but this could be better in the longrun. i am thinking of asking her opinion on what she thinks is best. i would really appreciate any advice i can get.

[Katheelynn]

taking time to be with your own feelings is never wasted....too many times we seems to make decisions far tooo rapidly, only to regret them later....my suggestion is to move very slowly and get to know U first....pause reflect ponder observe and continue to communicate with each other but dont jump too soon!

[otterloo]

such a simple concept but it makes so much sense. thank you for your advice, i will definitely give it a try. it will be hard to hold back but if we ever get back together then all of the waiting will be worthwhile.

[otterloo]

I am doing relatively well with being patient but I am still on an emotional rollercoaster after all of this time, when alone. My mind is on overload thinking of every possible combination of what she is thinking, etc. I was just wondering if it would be okay for me to ask her how her feelings are progressing or should I only speak about it when she brings it up? We have been having some fun together but I feel like she is slipping through my fingertips, as she seems to want to get together less and less frequently. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to have false hopes either. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[zpivat]

I think it's better to just talk about normal and fun subjects. The key is to make her feel happy when being around you. I think this is how it goes: respect -> admire -> like -> love. So, in order to achieve these, it's important for her to feel happy around you. Remember how you two got together in the first place? Wasn't it from a fun, close, and most importantly, happy friendship?

 

I think it's alright to ask her "how are you?", but don't talk about feelings just yet.....

 

Take care.

[k33]

I know exactly how you feel. I am dealing with the same thing right now. It is so hard not to say, aw shucks just come home. I miss you and I love you and then grab their leg and never let go!

 

I've been keeping it light and breezy, but it is so hard I know. Talk about funny things that have happened. Sound like you have been doing stuff, even if while you are doing stuff you just want to go home and obsess. Try to keep that up for a few weeks at least...Cause I am guessing the "relationship talk" will make her bolt... I know it would make my hubbie bolt...

 

I know what you are saying about when you are alone... Middle of the night I start obsessing and crying. It's no fun.

 

Keep us posted.

[otterloo]

Thank you both. I will try to hold off, even when we go away together in 2 weeks. It is for the better I suppose even though it's so hard. If she feels the same way as I do then we will get back together so I just have to wait. I keep getting mixed feelings though because last time we went out she said that it was weird not having long-term plans with me (ie. marriage) and she also said that she already had my Christmas gift picked out. That's a long ways away so I have reason to be optimistic but then I feel like she wants to slow things down more. I don't know what to think anymore.

[otterloo]

To update I am still getting mixed signals from her. One day she doesn't seem like talking at all and the next we get together and have a really good time. One thing though is that she said that she would like to start going out on dates with me but we wouldn't be together again. It would be a sort of intermediate stage to see if I have changed and can still make her happy. This excites me but at the same time I am worried. We were together for over 3 years and lived together for 8 months so we know eachother better than we know anyone else but I almost feel nervous about the entire thing. I only have one more chance and I really want to make this work. Can anyone suggest date ideas? I don't know if I should plan something romantic or just fun. If you guys were trying to build trust then what do you think that you would do?