WHAT DO GUYS WANT? DID I RUIN IT ALREADY?

[AlliBee]

Help. I met this guy about a month ago. First date, I was very attracted to him physically but he seemed to talk a lot and not really ask questions. I walked away thinking, "I'd see him again and see how that goes" but didn't get the feeling he would ask me out again. But he did.

 

He travels out of town for work a lot, and left town the day after our first date, so we didn't have our second date until about 10 days after the first. When he got back, we made plans for a Friday night date. He called me at 830 ON FRIDAY to tell me that he was still at work, and that he didn't know what time he'd be done.

 

He said to do my own thing and he would call me later. So, I made other plans, went out with my friends. Around 10 pm he called and said he would like to come meet up with me. He showed up, we hung out until about 230 am and then went to his house. I stayed there but told him no sex, just snuggling and kissing and that's what we did.

 

I realized I was really starting to like him. I didn't hear from him for about 2 days. He called me at 9 pm on a Tuesday wanting to hang out. I said I have to work early and this is too late for a last minute date. We decided to wait until Friday to see each other and have a "real date". Friday I don't hear from him. So I call him finally at 9 pm to find out "what's up".

 

He tells me HE'S WORKING can we reschedule to Saturday? So I say, ok I will go out with my friends tonight and we can meet tomorrow, but I WANT you to call me early in the day to confirm so I know we're really going. Around 1 am the night of our cancelled date, he calls me and wants to come meet me. I ?stupidly? say ok, and go out to a late night spot to have some food with him.

 

We talk and hang out for an hour or so and then go back to his house for another round of talking, kissing and not sex. We get up Saturday morning the morning of our supposed real date, and he says he is going to the beach. So I say, are we still on for tonight though? And he says yes, for sure, he will still call me in a few hours and we will still have our date. I leave and go do my own thing all day and receive NOT a call, but a TEXT MESSAGE, saying "won't be home til 10pm".

 

Ok, what the hell does that mean? I reply "do u still want 2 meet up 2nite?" and he replies "yes, but I have some work to get done first". Still unclear to me, are we ON or OFF for tonight? I finally just called him and said what's up and he said he would call me after he was done with his work that night. Which to me meant we were NOT going out. So I made other plans. Never heard from him at all that night. I was pissed and decided this is no good and I will just let it go.

 

I get up on Sunday morning, check my email and he has emailed me that he broke his phone and is really sorry for not calling but can I please give him my number again so that he can give me a call? I decided to wait a day and think about it. Monday, I emailed him and said that I really like him but that if he wants to hang out we should come up with a way to make plans that "works for both of us" because I would prefer to know sooner than later if things are not going to work out.

 

He wrote me back and said "I'm getting a new phone today, I will talk to you later on today" and I thought we were going to talk about things on the phone. But he didn't call me. So I called him around 9:30 and left a message. He called right back. We talked and I said "So what did you think about the email" and he just said "I don't know what to say. What do you mean? I thought it was fine." I guess I thought the email required a response from him but he said he didn't realize it did, that he just thought I was putting my feelings out there.

 

Anyway, I said "I am just letting you know I'd like to keep seeing you, but we need a better system of making plans." At which point he sorta freaked out and said "maybe you should date someone who doesn't have goals, who doesn't have other stuff going on!" and I'm like "no, I want to date you and I like that you have goals and are successful with your work, but it's difficult being cancelled on.

 

I always can find other things to do, but you have to let me know" so then he softened and said that he was sorry and that work was super crazy and he's working 12 - 16 hours per day and has all these projects happening. That he wants to see me, but right now it's impossible. Things will get better in a week or so. I said "ok, I'll be here" and he said "you know I'm not seeing anyone else, I like you, things are just crazy right now".

 

He said he was leaving to go out of town for a week, but that he would talk to me "sometime this week". Well, now it's been a week since we talked. I know he is coming back tomorrow, and we have the same IM, and he's been online everyday but never sends me anything or says anything. I have not heard from him.

 

What's up? I mean, did I PUSH too hard to soon? Should I have played it cool? I didn't feel I was asking anything beyond to be respected. Last time he went out of town, he didn't call until he got back, even though he was on the IM everyday. So it's not unusual I guess. I am just tired of waiting for his call or email. I wonder whether he even will. I wonder if I should email him, but I think I'll know for sure he either likes me or doesn't by whether he calls in the next few days.

 

It's hard to wait to find out. My friend says he might feel bad about the conversation and then not call because he's embarrassed or something. IN that case, I think I should send him a short email saying "hi, hope all is well" but on the other hand if a guy really likes you, he'll call right? And one conversation wouldn't scare him away already would it? I'm driving myself nuts.

[Lily04]

Woah, that's sorta crazy being all one paragraph! I'm like you a lot though, I analyze things way too much & worry, and it's not good for you! You'll drive yourself crazy, lol. But in any case, don't worry about it, it sounds like he's just busy with work or has other things on his mind & can't concentrate all his energy on you now. Maybe there's some awkwardness in the relationship for some reason..that's how I felt at some times with my boyfriend initially, but once we started dating more & got to know each other better, things became great. You just have to develop a better planning system as you said, and if it's meant to be, it'll work out, trust me. That's what I believe, anyways.

 

Hope that helps, good luck with everything!

 

-sparrow

[aireyc]

Hey,

 

Yeah, well this is an interesting situation. I'm very familiar with the whole "going to be back x time, sorry had to cancel" bit. I'm not mentioning names here, but in my particular case the result was a successful marriage. I know this isn't always the case, but I wouldn't worry too much. If this is still a new relationship and he has a legit excuse (especially with work and going out of town) then I wouldn't be too worried. Nothing's set in stone and if you find the relationship to be a problem you can always dump him. You aren't that involved yet and it can only get better or die completely.

 

As far as not calling, he may just be that type of person. You may want to ask yourself if thats the kind of guy you want to hang out with though. It's not that off-the-wall, but I just suggest you be cautious with things.

 

Chris

[LEYboy]

ok i just want to make this statement here and now.. guys don't mind calling.. and the such, but laidies you are alow to call us.. and it some times helps, like you said he never called, did you not have his phone nuber did he tell you not to call. along with the fact that he was on IM a lot. ok there's no breaking the ice for a second time or anything, why the hell didn't you IM him?... i don't think you pushed it.. guys are guys and we can take it.

[RagingBull]

Please edit your post and add line breaks to create several paragraphs. It's an interesting story but it is tedious to read as one paragraph.

 

Anyways, either this guy is really good at playing games or he's disrespectful of you in my honest opinion. I don't know too many women that would put up with that much "abuse".

 

Seriously, it seems like you are too attracted to him. Unfortunately he knows you will date him at his convenience and not your's. Just be careful.

 

It's OK to send him a short email wondering if everything is alright. You might seem needy if you ask where you stand in the relationship.

[OceanEyes]

Hi AlliBee,

 

I don't think you've asked for too much so far. All you're really saying is that you don't mind if you can't spend time together, but that you don't like being cancelled on at the last minute.

 

However, if he just doesn't call you and you decide to call him, this could mean trouble. I've found that in the beginning of a relationship, it's better to just go with the flow, don't try to make things happen or expect anything. He seems like a really busy guy and I doubt that he really means to upset you by cancelling.

 

The next time you make arrangements to see each other, tell him that you're busy (even if you're not). Let him know that you're not always going to be around when he wants you.

[Scout]

I would have kicked this guy to the curb by now. Come on, his manners are atrocious, and its pretty clear he's a certifiable workaholic! RUN.

[lilygreen]

Sorry to say it, but this guy is a manipulative loser. So you ask him for a better system of planning dates (a completely normal and understandable request) and his reaction is telling you to look for someone without any goals??? He has barely shown any concern for your time and schedule, but expects you to be there for him at the drop of a hat.

 

This is not the way to start off a relationship--and dating is not supposed to cause you this much anxiety and worry. People like this don't permanently change their behavior just like that. The only way things will change is when YOU decide to change them. I know it sucks, but it really sounds like this guy can only cause you heartache. Lose him.