Keeping Nude Pics. Is it healthy? Normal?

[Tiny]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now. He got a computer a year ago. He has his own password and put me on as a user (so that I log into my own area with my own password). I thought to myself: He is hiding something from me.

 

This weekend, he left the computer logged onto his name and left the room for about 10 minutes. Since he has lied to me before in the past, and because this 'password' thing was indeed strange for me, I searched his PC. I found about 30 pictures of different females nude. They were not bad pornographic pics, just picutres of women who were naked. Some looked professionally taken, and some looked amateur.

 

I have always had a problem with him communicating. I have found out a couple of months ago that he has a second email address which I never knew of. Three months ago, he lied striaght to my face about meeting with a 'friend'(a female who was in love with him and visa versa). He has lied to me about communicating with this friend over via email because he did not how I would react. And he blames me for not trusting him? And now this. I have always given him the opportunities to be open with me and share his secrets and fantasies. Not much was shared there ...

 

I am a very attractive woman aged 27. I believe I satisfy him in every possible way and more. I do everything for him. I know he loves me very much too. He is 26.

 

This sight of 30 nude pictures on his PC under a phony file name makes me nervous. Is it healthy for him to have? Is it normal for a guy to have these? Shouldn't he be able to share these with me? Isn't that what a relationship is about? To share these fantasies with one another?

 

Help! I need some advice.

Thank you.

[Gilgamesh]

Do guys buy Playboy magazines for the articles? do they throw away the swimsuit issue of sport illustrated because there are no sports stuff in them? I guess that anyone that buys maxim or any other one of those mens magazines doest love their women.

 

Or lets look at it from the other point of view, have you ever read a romance novel? or seen a romantic movie? you have? well that must meen you arent getting any romance from your partner. you must be wanting to be swept off your feet by some romantic latino.

 

If he keeps all this stuff secret from you its because he knows YOU have a problem with this. I know your saying its a trust issue, but its not, you have a problem with something thats to him is part of his nature,.

 

You force him to hide things from you because he knows you insecure, I never hid anything from my girl, because I knew it didnt bother her and she knew that I loved her and I only have about 2000 images of nudes on my pC, doesnt mean I love her less, i couldnt imagine making love to anyone but her and have been faithful , and yes I do receive e-mails from old girlfriends and have had women try and seduce me.

 

I wonder how you would feel if he was to spy on ya, and put a tap on your phone, or go through your purse, how would you feel if your partner was that insecure and untrustful of you? This photo thing is an issue because you have made it one. if your partner is unhappy with you, photos on the PC is the last thing i would worry about, and if he was to find out about your spying, id say he wil become unhappy

[owlman]

I've seen porn on somebody's computer come up time and again on this website; it certainly seems to be an ongoing issue. Guys enjoy visual stimulation, we're just wired that way. You may want to try talking to your boyfriend. Don't confront him with it "I found these pictures, why do you keep them" but try to keep an open dialogue.

However, there do seem to be some deeper issues here as well, especially in the trust department. Again, communication is key.

[sarczoid]

Women have this obsession with guys liking porn.

If women go for guys because of their looks (lets face it thats what they care about) then why cant guys look at porn. it is completely natural. Why do women like listening to boybands and like george clooney, not because they are good actors or pop acts.

Its all hypocritical.

Men are more attracted to women that the other way round (physically neway) so its just something that keeps him going. If a man stops looking at girls then he is dead. Simple as that.

[Tiny]

Thank you all for the replies. I have a better understanding and outlook for the situation. It still amazes me how females and males sometimes think so differently.

 

Much much appreciated.

[simulacra]

I think you should go with your instincts. I agree with the male posters that most guys like that kind of stuff, but why does he need to hide it from you? He's an adult. These are just pictures. It's not as if he's a pervert or rapest or something. They're just pictures. Why can't he be open to you about this? I think you are right about the communication problem in your relationship, but it may not be soley his fault. You need to bring this issue up with him, but not in an accusing way. You need to approach this from an inquisitive and supportive stance so that he will open up to you. Maybe the guys are right in saying that he's hiding this from you because he thinks you have a problem with it. But there is also a great chance that he is hiding this from you as part of a bigger problem/deception. In either case, you can't let this go because it will resurface if you don't resolve it with him openly.

[Aly]

LOL...I must be the weird one or something...because it didnt bug me for my guy to look at nudie pics. As long as they werent of anyone we actually knew Actually, I'd look and watch stuff like that with him. I must just be weird...

[Gilgamesh]

Aly your not weird! actually most women like erotica.

 

I did a search in personals, and I would have to say that at least 80% marked "erotica" as a turn on.

 

I have never had a girl that didnt like adult stuff, and i didnt date them because of this, its just something they liked without me looking for that in them or introducing it to them.

 

If my girl gets pissed because i drink milk from the carton, id probably hide that from her, so she wont get pissed. this girls husband knows she has a problem with this stuff, so he hides it. I dont think it has anything to do with a communication problem its more her trying to force her husband to change his nature, like me drinking milk from the carton.

[Mischivo]

Sorry, but drinking milk out of the carton is disgusting. Not because she's afraid of your mouth or saliva (she's not, she kisses you, right?), but because your backwash enters the milk (there there is always backwash) and the bacteria begins eating away at the milk... result: curdled milk much faster than usual.

[tomnharry]

Try looking at porn with him in a effort to understand. If you dont like it, fine, dont look. It is perfectly natural for a man to get turned on by nudy pics, it doesnt work for a lot of women. As long as you understand that he looks to get turned on, then thats good for you, no?! ..

Personally I believe that the church has built in such huge guilt about our sexuality that we feel dirty about it all. Who is getting hurt if your man is getting turned on by looking at a picture of a consenting adult in the nude ? Its all about fantasies, share them with him, have fun and love each other.

[eblue]

Okay. I am actually fine with my boyfriend with porn. i actually think watching it with him is even better. It helps out with the relationship. The thing that worries me the most is..he had to hide it from you. Do you vocally speak of your dislike of pornography type pictures? And nudity pics are a type of porn. The other thing that bothers me and signals a warning sign is this other woman business. You need to really set him aside and talk to him. Tell him that yes it bothers you some of these things honestly, but it bothers you even more when he has to hide it. However, I don't condone your "spying" my boyfriend did the same thing to me, but for different reasons and it doesn't feel good to feel that trust taken away just a bit. However, I can understand completely why you did it. You just really need to talk to him and tell him if you guys are going to have trust he needs to share and if there isn't trust..then it isn't a relationship and you need to bust out of there and find yourself another man.

[Prettypurple]

Anyone know of a good program to download to see deleted pics or videos of porn on your computer?,

Thanks

[dextro]

Do guys buy Playboy magazines for the articles?

 

No it's for the cartoon.

 

And yes I think it's normal, I have alot of girl friends who are in couple and believe me they are watchin' other man too but I do believe in their love for their man. He may be shy of this, why don't you talk about this in front of a cofee cup?! And if you are that attractive and that sweet I dont think he'll let you down for some inet pics or girls.

 

take care and dont forget your cofee!!!

 

Jeff l. Spiegel