strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We were together 3 years. last two years became long distance because of work. Long story short she ended up breaking up with me. Moved on to date the rebound guy. 2 months after dumping the rebound she came back. I decided to take her back slowly on my terms. Part of our agreement was to start slowly take trips to her city (my city as well) like i use to do but instead I will stay at mother's house. So my first visit is set this week end. Everything was discussed on January 2, well I just got a phone call form her saying I should sleep over her house instead, shes missed me and wants to cuddle yada yada yada . I told her that I will think about it. I am tempted to do so!!!! should I? Is this a bad move??? it feels like it would go faster than anticipated. ( we've been broken up for 7 moths with LC) I would appreciate any advice. Thank you Link to comment
faithful14 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 If you feel as though it would be moving too fast, then slow down. Remember, you said you took her back slowly on your terms. So if you believe this is happening way too fast, then slow down. If she really cares about being with you, she will understand. Link to comment
Staple Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. Someone who left you to be with someone else will do it again. She's with you because she has nobody else right now. You're setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Question, did she break up with the rebound? Link to comment
strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes she did 4 months ago. I verified with unbiased friends. Link to comment
strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. Someone who left you to be with someone else will do it again. She's with you because she has nobody else right now. You're setting yourself up for a lot of pain. I have not taken her back yet, we're talking to see where this may go. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I would take things slowly. Ease into it. Listen to your gut and go with what you feel is best. Link to comment
Staple Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 If you do it just remember. She replaced you once. In her mind you are nothing but "emotional backup" even if she doesn't admit it to herself. I took back a girl who cheated on me, left me, and she did again and again, even though she supposedly loves me, it is REALLY obvious what was at issue--she doesn't like me, she just needed me when she realized that a) grass isn't greener and b) she doesn't like being alone when it doesn't work out with someone else. Just trying to spare you from my mistake. Link to comment
strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I would take things slowly. Ease into it. Listen to your gut and go with what you feel is best. I think I'm going with the gut feeling, I'm going to politely turn it down. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I think I'm going with the gut feeling, I'm going to politely turn it down. good for you man. stick to your guns. might shed some light on her ability to respect your boundaries. if she can do that...it shows a great deal of emotional maturity. in the spirit of moving forward...it might be beneficial for you to establish those boundaries. be clear of your intent...? does that make sense? hope it works out for you Link to comment
strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 good for you man. stick to your guns. might shed some light on her ability to respect your boundaries. if she can do that...it shows a great deal of emotional maturity. in the spirit of moving forward...it might be beneficial for you to establish those boundaries. be clear of your intent...? does that make sense? hope it works out for you you make a great deal of sense, I need to set those boundaries and see if she can respect them Link to comment
HESJUSTSTUPID Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 go with your heart but don't be surprised if it gets broken again. Best of luck to you both!! Link to comment
strader18 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 go with your heart but don't be surprised if it gets broken again. Best of luck to you both!! I am not going back in with blindfold. I Know what I have been through and don't want to experience it again. I made it clear to her that I don't know what I want yet, I'm sort of testing it all out. Link to comment
Staple Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 You're doing the right thing. Do not ever get back with her. Link to comment
Bobbadoo Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Its really up to you whether or not you want to be back. You can look at her actions in a positive or negative way. The negative way is that she has done it once before she can do it again. No one wants to risk being hurt again so they would not want to get back together. The positive way is that she has left you and now realize that you're the only one for her therefore she doesn't want to leave you again. So what is the probability of her staying or going? No one knows. Its like dating a new person. You don't know whether or not they are going to do what your ex did to you. Knowing that your ex has done this to you and now wants back gives you a big advantage. Its your decision. If you don't want her back and reject her make sure you are sure and move on with your life. If you want to get back, take it slow and learn what caused her to break up with you. Make her jump through hoops and rebuild that trust. Link to comment
shiney Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 There are no guarantees anyone will stay. There are no guarantees you will stay. That is not really the issue my man. Those questions apply to all relationships. Of course her track record needs to be negated by her words and actions in order for you to trust her at all..and even then, as i say, there is no guarantee. I got dumped a year ago and have sadly spent a lot of time wondering how i would react if she came back. For me, it's all about what she would be able to say AND show during the reconnecting phase. Only you know what that would look like in order to give it a try. You can hopefully get some sense of how she's changed for the better. Clearly if she's the same person, it's probably history repeating itself. But if she's changed and shows you in her actions how she's changed, then you may have to take a leap of faith. For me i'd want to know more about her reasons for leaving and have her explain what emotion distance she's travelled and what she learned about herself. From that, what made her want to try to reconcile with you and only you..etc. etc. Try to picture how she'll react when the going gets tough, or she gets bored, or she gets mad, or confused or depressed--will she stick around this time or will she bail. Again, it's hard to know for sure, but she can build trust over time if she really wants it. Good luck and put your needs first especially as she trying to convince you to take the risk. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 It's true like Shiney says; there really is no guarantee that anyone will stay: and this applies to your ex, a new person, and yourself. Anybody, at any point in time, can get up and leave the relationship if they choose to. Link to comment
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