Dealing with moving too fast and ex loves

[OhJeeeez]

Where do I start, this has all been so fast. I met a girl about 3 weeks ago (we are both in our 30's) and we both are already having semi strong feelings for one another. We talk all the time and have gotten to know each other a lot. She first started telling me all the bad things about her, like she was trying to protect herself or something. They really werent that bad, heck, none of them even bothered me. This was in the first week of us meeting. So we spent some time together and ended up kissing one night. It wasnt just a peck, it was passionate. It feels like we are a passionate couple already and it's scarey. Now we are both not dating anyone else and are open to having a relationship (we didnt go exclusive for each other, just so happens we aren't dating anyone else). But will it work if its too fast? I've known people married for 50 years and still going strong that married in the first month. I dont see marriage anytime soon here, but thats even faster. Neither her or I have ever had that want to move fast in a relationship. Things just seemed to fit perfect. All the qualities I look for and she looks for, we both have. I think that is why it scares us. Could two people really be that good for each other?

 

Now a new thing poped into this delima the other day. She was with someone a few months ago, a married guy and she said she was in love. Why would she try a dating service so soon if she was "really" in love with this other guy (thats how we met). She told me that she broke it off a few months ago and knows that it will never work. She told me that she really likes me and wants to try and make things really work. It seems that her telling me that relieved some tension she had, and things with us even progressed further to a physical level. Now emotions are involved. The physical part was perfect from both opinions as well by the way.

 

Now here is my question and I hope some one can lay some advise on it. I havent fallen for her yet, not opened up emotions to her because Im scared. She acts like Im the best thing that has rolled around, she loves what we have and thinks its just going to get better. But every time we have a great time together, she emails me the next morning saying its going to fast. She explains that Things are going so fast, yet it feels so good it can't be real. I havent pushed her, I have taken queues from her. I've givin her the space she wants. I think that all this worrying about what will happen, about it being so right and scaring us is just not good for a new relationship. Can someone please give advise on how "We" should go from here? Besides "Take it slow...". Id really like some good avise instead of the that blanket response.

 

One thing I should mention, that when we are with each other, it feels like we are a passionate couple, it feels so perfect, she has expressed the same thing to me. We've admitted that we have made each other feel like on one else has, even those we have been in love with. I just can't get a handle on what is really going on here.

[Lily04]

Wow, it seems like you met an amazing girl there. =) I'm somewhat in a similar situation actually, except we're both younger than you..I just met someone & we've been dating for 3 weeks and things seem to be going quite fast. It seems like we're perfect for each other though, although I am a bit scared it's going a bit too fast as well (I haven't told him this though..) I think you should just take it at the pace you wish. If you guys seem to be a perfect match & want to go farther (whether it's passionate kisses or more) then do it. She may feel that the pace is too fast because in comparison to most relationships she's had it seems quick. But this may be because they weren't such a good match & so things had to be taken slower in order to feel comfortable in the relationship. I think this is the key variable here - comfort. If you both feel comfortable going farther, then do it. It seems like she wants to go farther, as some nights she kisses you passionately, but then after thinking about it afterwards, e-mails you and isn't sure about whether it's the proper way to go about it.

 

As you said, there's some people who marry after only being together a month. There's no need to think about such commitment yet, but it just shows that some people really know when they've met their soulmate & are comfortable with moving at that speed. I wouldn't do it that fast personally, but don't be scared to go farther..i.e. don't follow boundaries that were created in the past.

 

I would really suggest talking about it with her, not via e-mail. And what is 'too fast' is only up to you two. If you guys kiss & have sex after only 3 weeks I think that's OK.. But marriage may be in the 'too fast' area. A relationship can work as long as you're both comfortable with each other & respect each other's boundaries. If she wants to wait a while before having sex then you'll have to respect that..but the way things are going, you'll have it soon enough I'm sure..=)

 

take care,

 

sparrow

[OhJeeeez]

Oh, we've already had sex. It was the best we've both had actually. Thats what I meant my getting more physical. I just didnt know the right way to say it on a public board. She explained to me in detail about how she felt during and after words.

 

You know, I think we both have had the feeling of tru elove and so desperatly want it back that we are just trying to hard? But Im not sure. This is what she told me this morning after we had the best sex each has ever had. She actually told me she felt like we were one and i knew what it was that she wanted at every moment. Now when you are a guy and you hear that, that is like the ultimate complement, lol.

 

So this what she said afterwards in the morning:

 

"Good Morning! Last night was awesome. I think you're great, which is why I'm asking for this to slow down a tad bit. I don't want to go so fast I end up screwing things up. The wounds I have are pretty fresh and I would like to give you a 100% chance here. I don't want to still have any feelings from before mixed in with the now. Bear with me a little bit and I think this will be a great thing."

 

Then one right after saying this, before I had responded:

 

"Let me explain a little more. This feels like it's going to good. Things are just too smooth and easy, which is making a little nervous. Probably I want things to go good and they are. I don't even know how to say the things that are going thru my mind.

 

Does any of this sound familiar on your end.

 

As for last night. Good God! You were just super, my kids really liked you.

I did like the flowers and dinner. I don't know how to go about slowing things down enough to do this. I've never tried before. If you have an answer, tell me?"

 

Maybe that is more insight as to why I am confused as what to do?

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

Ok, from her e-mails, that makes a bit more sense. I agree with you, I think that she wants to maintain the excellent feeling between you two, and doesn't want to 'move too fast' to disturb it, whatever that means. She may be afraid of more commitment (i.e. moving in together, or engagement) and that is why she wants to take things slower. So my advice for you would be to just take it at that speed..maybe instead of having passionate sex everytime you meet, just go out for a movie at the cinema & a nice dinner. Or whatever interests you two. Go to a concert or something..that is what I tried to do with my bf to slow things down a bit..in other words, vary the things you do together to add variety into the relationship. It should make things seem as if you're toning things down a notch that way.

 

But don't be scared to 'get physical' as well. Maybe reserve this for a special night a week or something. It's up to you..that's why I think it'd be nice if you talk about it with her, ask her what she wants to do to tone things down, you're not sure what she wants, although you're willing to do whatever it is to please her.

[Brneyegirll]

If it feels right to both of you..go for it!! I recently lost my husband of 12 years and when we met we were just like you two. We were so in love like love at first site and we married in 2-1/2 months. Yes it lasted forever, or i will say it would have if i had not lost him suddenly. That is how sure i feel about that. We had a wonderful 12 yrs together. So i say go with your heart, it never lies.

Good luck