Worried about my future

[nycdoctor]

I am a doctor who for the last 10 year worked in a medical clinic. I have worked since my residency. Recently the clinic is going through hard times. My income has been affected. It scary since I don't have a private office. I am so very depress. I don't know the first thing about opening up cold. I am still not married, I am in my 30s. I don't know what to do. Some night i wake up hoping this is all a dream, but it isn't I feel like ending it all sometimes, but I don't. I know I am a good guy, a great doctor, i feel like I went to school and wasted my time. The only good thing is that I paid my student loan off.

[Rosa]

well, why can't you start looking at other clinics, maybe even a hospital?

you are a doctor! there should not be any reasons why you can't get a job, you are young, and can start building a clientel, and maybe in the future can open up your own practice, but you need to open up new doors, don't just stay looking at a door that is closing, you might be loosing the chance of a new door opening, and you don't even know it.

Sometimes God does these things to push us to that next stepping stone when we seem to stay too long in one place.

Try to see things in a more positive light! go out there, you are young and successfull, you might even wanna think about going out of state!

Good luck and don't worry! your gonna be fine...

[shes2smart]

Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.

 

I take it the clinic you work for hasn't gone belly up yet? If not, then this is the time to start researching what it would take to go into private practice...if that's what you want to do. Check out the aspects of running your own business (which is what you'll essentially be doing if you go into private practice) and see if that's something you can or would want to do. Talk to others who've set up their own practices, go to a library and see if you can find any books on the topic. I'm sure even a basic "start your own business" book would have some applicable information for you.

 

If opening your own practice is too scary at this point, or something you're not up for right now, then evaluate your other options in working for someone else. There are other clinics, hospitals, urgent care, and perhaps even private practices or partnerships that would be willing to hire you. You have a marketable skill, but unless you let potential employers know you're there and looking, they won't come busting down your door. So maybe it's time to get a resume together and start sending it out.

 

If you're feeling like you don't want to be in the medical profession anymore, perhaps a visit to a career counselor is in order. There are plenty of other areas of work, and probably a few that you're suited for and will enjoy.

 

As for not being married, that's not all bad. I didn't get married til I was 38. I didn't even think being married was a good idea til I hit my mid 30's. When the time is right, it'll happen. Til then remember this little proverb: Better alone than badly accompanied.

 

A change in income is not the end of the world. If you've been living within your means and saving some money, you can ride out just about anything. I work in a rather low-paying profession (by choice because this is what I love to do), and I've managed to make it on as little as $18k/annual.

 

No, I didn't have a bunch of new clothes or drive a new car or have a lot of toys. But you don't need those things to be happy. At one point in my life my budget allowed $20 for 2 weeks worth of groceries. I had a choice--I could freak out about it or make it into a challenge. Freaking out about it didn't help anything....Making it into a "game" did. I ate a lot of on sale, store brand mac & cheese and bean burritos...but I got through it ok.

 

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box by any means, so if I can figure a way to make it work, you can, too.

 

The solution to allieviate depression is to get moving. Easier said than done, I know, but it does work.

 

~s2s

[avman]

I agree with Rosa. I know that it can be intimidating to go out and look for a new job when you've been somewhere for a long time. But there is such a shortage of good doctors out there I would think you could go to a hospital, clinic, or join another practice group. Then you wouldn't have to try and set up your own practice.

 

Remember, you did NOT waste your time. You went to school to learn to help save people's lives. That alone is a wonderful thing. The fact that your clinic is having trouble is no reflection of you or your abilities. Sometimes things just go that way.

 

Think of this as your chance to do something different. Its a new opportunity!

[mahlina]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I think that as a general rule of thumb: If you do things from your heart, then you will find grattitude in what you do. thereforeeee, there's no need to regret going to medschool. In fact, I think that helping people is rewarding, in a sense that helping others, helps us in the end. There's nothing more rewarding than to see another person smile, knowing that you helped them in one way or the other.

 

If I were a doctor, I would love to work for urban city hospitals, despite the pay, because there are lots of people out there, who can't afford medical care. And the last thing that they need is to be denied at the front office because they're not enrolled in some kind of privitized healthcare sector. I really dislike the HMO/PPO system. I know. Kinda political. I'll keep that part out of this discussion.

 

However, you should be proud of yourself. Lots of people dream to get somewhere, and they don't make it for a variety of reasons: financial, personal trauma, etc. In your case, you made it through the threshold. Good Job! My goals were to attend and finish at UCSD's Pediactric's program. Due to a variety of reasons, I don't imagine seeing myself sticking out another 8 years of hard-core schooling. thereforeeee, hat's off to you. Not a lot of people actually have perseverance to finish those goals. At least you can look back and be proud of yourself. I kinda regret not being able to attend my dream school. But hey, things happen in life, and sometimes people just have to accept their circumstances, and make the best of it.

 

No matter what, if you're good at what you do, and if you're passionate and driven, then money will not be an issue. I'd say for now, perhaps the problem is more than just the financial. Try not to be hard on yourself. Perhaps you need a break from all of the stress. Do things that you enjoy, as a side hobby. One of my ex's was in the medical field too (I wanna keep his personal info confidential, don't want to mention which one.) but his job was stressful as well. Luckily, his first 2-year's income relieved the stress from him having to pay off for student loans. Which was about 3 times the down payment on a house.

 

However, despite all of the stress, what he did as a way to release his stress was to indulge in the activities that he enjoyed most, after work. He used to build cars as a side hobby. The guy was brilliant. He ordered type-R engines imported from Japan, had them sent over, and built his cars from scratch. He also did other things such as scuba-diving, collected fishes for his aquarium, bike-riding, and baking.

 

Perhaps you can find something that keeps your interest, similar to him. I think that no matter what, keep that balance so that you don't feel burned out. Hang in there. -Mahlina

[CherryGrl]

Dear Doc,

While it may surprise some readers to hear of a doctor with career worries, having been a nurse in a hospital for more than a decade I can certainly understand. I've known many doctors in all specialities, and I know how tough it can be to get a practice going. Sometimes the money is not all that great in the early years, and that can be compounded by the fact that so many people, as soon as they hear you're a doctor, think you must be rich!

 

Still, if you are a great doctor and want to be a doctor, there are many opportunities for you. If your clinic is having trouble and it is affecting your income, you might get a whole new job, or you might find something part-time to supplement your current income.

 

I'm concerned about your statements regarding depression, though. You said you are so depressed, and that you think of "ending it all" sometimes. If a patient said this to you, what would your advice be? That sounds like serious depression, Doc, and you really need to consider getting some help if you haven't already done so.

[nycdoctor]

I have been looking to work for another doctor or another clinic for a couple of months now and had no success. My income will go down alot in the next following weeks. I wish i lived in a area where the standard of living is lower...but i don't. Everyday i am getting more depress than ever. I want to kill myself for the choice I made with my profession. For not doing more research. My field is so speclized. To think that I delayed my life for further education....for what? for what? I am thinking of changing carreer, but to what? Do i want to work under someone? My ego is in the ground right now and so is my soul.Please God help me...i am hanging one by a thread.

[avman]

Well, I dont know if this is an option for you but what if you moved? There are so many places with a shortage of good doctors.

 

Don't let this bring you down. I know it can be hard to face severe career difficulties but there ARE options for you.

[CherryGrl]

After reading your most recent post, I searched for other posts by you and saw the one from May under the suicide thread. I hadn't realized yesterday that you were QUITE so serious when you said you feel like ending it all.

 

I can understand why you are having problems getting a handle on your career and personal life when you are so down. Have you tried antidepressants? Are you getting counseling? What are you doing about this apparently very serious depression you are experiencing?

 

Yes, it is very hard being a doctor these days. I've met many young doctors who have been discouraged to realize how far in debt they are when they get out of school and how difficult practicing medicine has become. Being a doctor is really a heroic thing to do. As a nurse, I cannot emphasize enough how much I admire doctors. Most of the really good doctors I've worked with give their lives to their jobs, work long hours, care deeply about their patients -- and it can take quite a toll.

 

I don't think you are particularly old to still be single. And I have little doubt that you would find opportunities to change your single status, if only you were not so depressed.

 

You're talking about ending your life, man! I'm very worried about you and pray you are getting help. If you are not, please take steps to do so today!

[nycdoctor]

Dear CherryGrl,

I try to remain positive and not think about things that are beyond my control. I have been a disappointment to my family...i have come to realize that. They have given so much for me...for my happiness. I am confused right now...and you are right...i am serious about my post. I don't want to try antidepressants. There is no really solution to my problem. I have so mended to my job...my identity is my job that without my job i feel like I am nothing. Thank you for praying for me.

[CherryGrl]

Hi Doc, I'm sending you a PM.

Cherry

[makaw]

Doc,

 

I believe you have two options: you can move and raise your income in a part of the country outside NYC, and/or change your career.

 

I live in a very depressed part of the country. In the city I live in we have too many physicians per capita. But outside this major city, the rest of the state is seriously underserved. I work in a clinic with five specialists. Twice a week one of the docs goes to the southeastern part of the state to see people who do not have a specialist within 200 miles. They do not make any money by doing this, but they feel it is something they need to do to give back to those who cannot afford medical care and do not have it readily available to them. There are many parts of the country where physicians are desperately needed. More and more docs are dropping out of the profession due to malpractice insurance costs and burnout. I think you need to really sit down and think about whether you truly want to be a doctor. You need to have a commitment to helping people and the money will come second. If you truly don't like the profession, I would consider changing.

 

Maybe you can change medical fields and find fulfillment. Maybe you could utilize your skills in some other venue, like the military for instance or free clinics. Maybe you would like to teach. Many, many people get an education in one field, try it for a while, and change. I'm one of those people. What matters is not that you spent all the money for one type of education, but that you find your passion and go for it. At times I feel I've wasted my parent's money too, but I find the skills I acquired for my initial profession have been quite applicable to other jobs I've gotten in to. You don't have to end being a physician all at once. Find out what you would like to do instead and GRADUALLY move in that direction. Get more experience, education or whatever is necessary to move in that new direction.

 

For the immediate future, I would seriously pursue a different clinic to work in. You've tried a couple places but that is not nearly enough. If you want something you have to go after it and stop at nothing. Get your name out there. Be creative in where you will go. If you are as specialized as you say, then having that unique specialty is something to market to other clinics/hospitals/practices etc. I would also strongly suggest you do NOT entertain the idea of private practice. I've done billing etc. for private physicians and it's very difficult to start up. Since you seem unsure of your interest in the whole profession I don't think it would be wise to throw yourself into the sink or swim of private practice. Try to find out if medicine is your real passion first. If it is, then really do a lot of research about maybe starting your own practice. Talk to other docs who have done it and what some of the problems were. I have found most docs don't have the slightest clue of the business part of private practice. They know the medical side but HR, payroll, OSHA, HIPAA, personality problems, billing, collections, etc they are totally clueless. If you don't understand the business side, you need to learn about it before diving in head first.

 

I hope some of this has made some sense to you. I know you are very depressed. I have been thinking of you since your post in March. I was quite concerned then and still am. I really wish you would talk to someone, a qualified someone, about all your concerns. I truly think if you can search your inner self and find out what work would make you happy, that would be a huge step in the right direction. Right now you are feeling trapped and that's getting you nowhere but frustrated and depressed. Try to find a way out by discovering your passion in some field of work.

 

Don't give up. Giving up creates no movement forward. You must move forward if even in your own thoughts, initially. I'm rooting for you. Keep going and be good to yourself.