We are really bad at phone calls. How to make LDR work?

[SmilingKatty]

During the holidays we got a chance to try out LDR before we will have to decide what next with both of us leaving the country where we met and dated. But I think, that we are really no good at phone calls. Just calling him and not being next to him is very strange and it is difficult for me (and I have got a feeling that for him too) to really talk and share something meaningful via phone...

Do you think it is a bad sign for a future LDR, or we will get used to it?

Or is it a bad sign for the relationship in general?

[OptomisticGirl]

I think you could get use to it, but in the end you have to decide if you can go do it. You can have meaningful talks on the phone, it just takes adjustment with them not being there. Perhaps you two could invest in a webcam? You still wouldn't be there but you could see each other's faces.

[SmilingKatty]

Thank you

I am not sure, if a camera would help - we are mostly doing and sharing things together, and talking is something awesome, but not usual (I don´t mean secondary, because it is an important part of the relationship, but just something we do not do as often, because we are both very quiet people...)

[OptomisticGirl]

I completely understand. Talking IS a huge part of an LDR though. I'm in a 4,000 mile one... talking is sometimes the only means of communication.

[SmilingKatty]

and I am worried it is not going to be enough for me... But I care about him so much and don´t want to lose him...

I cannot think of any painless solution to this situation...

[EmeraldFrog23]

From my personal experience, I strongly suggest a webcam.

When my boyfriend first left and we began our long distance relationship, we relied solely on the phone. And very quickly we both got frustrated at it for being our sole form of communication. The phone bills, the time difference, and our busy schedules all added to the frustration.

In my opinion neither of us were really doing all we could to help each other through the difficulties of maintaining a long distance relationship. It got to the point where we actually split for a while but we both missed each other severely and have since got back together.

 

Now we always make time for each other and it doesn't always involve direct talking. Although I will say that webcam chats are very enjoyable. I love to see his facial expressions when I make him laugh or tell him about something during my day.

 

If you don't really care for the phone, that's fine, try other things. Send him an email with a fun link or attachment, play online games together, or give the webcam chat a go!

Also, my guy and I just started trying some new things like either of us learn a new skill and share it with each other. For instance, I just learned how to knit and crochet and I made him a hat and scarf to send to him.

I've found that to really make a long distance relationship shine you have to continue to engage all your senses as if you were physically together. I know that sounds weird but the human sense of smell is strongly linked to personal bonds and memories. Like the scarf I made him smells like the perfume I always wear. And vice versa when he sends me stuff, it's really nice to smell his unique scent again. It almost feels like he's with me.

 

Good luck with your long distance. Stay strong and don't give up!

[SmilingKatty]

Thank you for your wonderful advices! I will try to apply them