ddriver7 Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 This girl and I have always liked each other but we started having arguments a lot, so when i asked her out she said no. I told her i want to be friends and she seemed fine with that. Recently, out of nowhere she started being really nice and we started getting along again. I still really like her, so I decided to make a move. I wrote her an email saying i want to be more than friends and asked her out. I was expecting to be rejected by her for the 4th time, but no! She wrote back saying "... i think we should hang out as friends before going out" What do i make of this? Is this a good sign? Is she implying that we probably will go out? I just wanted someone else's take on it. I have no problem being friends first and i think its the better thing to do. I'm just worried we won't go out. I can be paranoid about these things. What do you think? Link to comment
trypanosoma Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 At this point she just wants to value your friendship. And it sounds as if she really isn't interested in seeing the friendship evolve to something more anytime soon. I mean, you asked her out four times already, and you had many arguments, so she wants to see if you two can get along as friends. If the friendship goes along well, then she'll come around, but the better thing to do is to give her space and not ask her out. If continuing to do so, the less chances you'll have of actually going out with her. Enjoy what she has to offer, because who knows what the outcome will be. Link to comment
titan1 Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Bad sign ------------ Women like to see friends and relationships differnetly unless they are in their more promiscuous mode of friendship with benefits themes... If your too nice... are open up too much--- they'll look for friends... When the year is 3,500 -- they'll still want some sense of a caveman instinct.. and modern behavioral equivalent to chest pounding and dominance...... ironic................. but we're all hard wired.. the practice of clubbing them and dragging to the cave seems to have gone out of style quite a few millennia back though..... Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 As this point she's saying she doesn't like you. That value your friendship stuff is a smokescreen. I suggest you try and purge any and all feelings you have for this girl. Link to comment
ddriver7 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 I wasn't expecting these types of responses! I'm confused. If a girl says "I think we should be friends BEFORE going out" isn't she saying just that? I thought she was implying that she does want to go out but she wants to start over as friends to see how it goes. I guess there's not just one way of looking at this. I never thought of it the way you guys put it and i'll keep your advice in mind. Would it be okay to date someone else during all of this? I think this other girl (her friend) might wanna go out with me but i'm not sure yet. What do you think? Link to comment
888 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 I wasn't expecting these types of responses! I'm confused. If a girl says "I think we should be friends BEFORE going out" isn't she saying just that? I thought she was implying that she does want to go out but she wants to start over as friends to see how it goes. I guess there's not just one way of looking at this. I never thought of it the way you guys put it and i'll keep your advice in mind. Would it be okay to date someone else during all of this? I think this other girl (her friend) might wanna go out with me but i'm not sure yet. What do you think? It depends, some girls put hidden meanings into those messages...try thinking, do you think she is saying that because she's not interested and doesn't want to hurt you, or is genuinely considering, but needs time to think things through? (Be honest with yourself...though that may be hard, and pessimism can sometimes take over) Link to comment
takbeau Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 you said you can get paranoid over not being able to go out with her...hmm..actually, i think you should not worry..not being able to go out with her as her date is better than not being connected with her at all..besides, the way you hang out as friends would just be the same when you get to hang out as two people who are dating.the only difference it could make is that in the latter, there COULD be intimacy between the two of you which the former situation could avoid since you're only friends... next, i think you're trying to interpret what she told you about you hanging out as friends first BEFORE you go out.honestly, no one could ever interpret what's on a person's mind or what she's trying to say..the bottomline is: WAIT.. Link to comment
ECD Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 She is not interested. Unless you werent friends before you asked her out, she probably does not want to be your friend, and "lets just be friends" is just her nice way of saying shes not interested. Have you ever made a friend by coming up to a friend and saying "lets be friends"? Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Would it be okay to date someone else during all of this? I think this other girl (her friend) might wanna go out with me but i'm not sure yet. What do you think? If the other girl likes you then go for it. Don't waste time on this girl b/c again if a girl likes you she'll want to go out on dates with you but if she says she wants to be friends first then it means she's not interested. Yes I know you do have to be friends with someone before you date them but it's only to a point and in a different way. For instance if you see a girl you're like then you'll treat her friendship differently b/c you'd eventually want to get with her so you'll watch your movements around her more, flirst with her more etc. than some girl you're no interesting in who you can just burp, fart around etc. Link to comment
ddriver7 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 She is not interested. Unless you werent friends before you asked her out, she probably does not want to be your friend, and "lets just be friends" is just her nice way of saying shes not interested. Have you ever made a friend by coming up to a friend and saying "lets be friends"? We weren't really friends before. Well, we were friends in a way, but there was always an attraction between us. The thing is I know she liked me before we had our problems - she told me. Now i don't know what to think. I guess i'll have to wait. Its a really messed up situation because i also like her friend. And since we're not dating i don't think its wrong if i date her friend. Link to comment
takbeau Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 you know, sometimes it takes loyalty to get what you want..] in my opinion, i think you still should wait since she has nevertold you point blank that SORRY BUD BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU.. my advice would be to go with what she wants and hold your horses..like i said, sometimes it takes only loyalty and may i add, patience, to get what you want..otherwise, you might regret it when she decides to go out already and you find that you're stuck with some girl who you never really liked in the first place. Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 my advice would be to go with what she wants and hold your horses..like i said, sometimes it takes only loyalty and may i add, patience, to get what you want... Yea and wait around missing out on other relationships possibly. Never be someone else's 2nd/3rd choice when you may have someone who'll make you their 1st choice (of course if you're not interested in that other person then this is pointless but you know what I was trying to say). Link to comment
ddriver7 Posted July 22, 2004 Author Share Posted July 22, 2004 acutally i agree with both of you. My problem is, i don't want to wait for her to be ready when i could be with her friend who may want to start dating right away. I like both girls a lot. Its really hard for me to figure things out because so many things come in to play. I could end up hurting one of them and lose them both. I have no idea what she meant by "friends before we go out." And i won't be able to talk to her for a few days. To me, i thought it was really simple. I thought it meant she wants to get re-aquainted first because we had problems in the past. But i guess there's a lot of different ways to look at this. Link to comment
ECD Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Give it a shot then, see how it goes. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Go out with the girl who is interested now! Never wait around for someone, you'll only regret it! Link to comment
ddriver7 Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 Okay, here's what happened. She wrote me a friendly email and joked around saying she's in love with me and wants to talk badly, you know, she said she's joking. The part that bothers me is this - after she joked about that stuff, she said "we are friends of course!" I'm pretty sure that means we're just friends, but she said before how she wants to hang out as friends before dating. Is she just making it clear that currently we're just friends and we might date? Is she rejecting me as a boyfriend? What could she have meant by saying this now? Is this her way of taking things kinda slowly? I'm having a really really hard time reading and understanding this girl! Link to comment
Jabe Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 my girlfriend said that to me and we've been goin out for a month now .. but it was kinda for a different reason .. but she tells her friends she really really likes me .. it may depend on the girl or the situation .. I just realized this probably didn't help you out at all .. sorry Link to comment
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