lonely..

[-Sanguine-]

I feel so alone. I am aching for human contact.. especially the romantic kind. Ugh..

This is hard. It's hard because I know I could have all the romantic contact I want. It's not hard to find it.. like last night. Went out to the club with some friends.. ended up dancing/grinding with some guy and then talking for a while and kissing him. Mind you, we were both a bit tipsy and we exchanged numbers but I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me and I'm thankful for that. Not ready and not a place I want to meet my future long term man.. but still.. kissing him and being touched was nice and I miss it.

 

Finding someone to spend time with and be romantic with wouldn't be a problem with me. Apparently I am very cute, or so I've heard and I'm fun to be around? I don't know. It's just very tempting to take these when the oppurtunities arise. But then I know I will regret it. I could have one night stands if I wanted to but that's not me. Plus I still think about and have contact with my ex. I drunk texted him last night. Nothing too bad.. but I wish I wouldn't have. Haven't talked to him at all today though so that's good. I'm hoping to slowly drift apart. That would be better than having to say 'let's stop talking' because I know he is just as lonely as I am and I know we both miss each other. Good thing I don't have to see him.

 

I just.. I'm going to have a really hard time when my best friend moves. I feel so alone right now. I can imagine my weekends already and it depresses me. I am just very sad and I want to cry but don't have the energy for some reason. I also think I am getting sick. I'm sitting here sweating and I have a cough so I think I have a fever.. awesome.

 

I just.. am not happy with my life right now. I long for attention yet push it away. Like from the new guy. I have him wrapped around my finger and I know he would treat me right if we were together but for some reason don't want that right now. I want to be alone and figure my self out but I want to be with someone. Ughhh.

 

I just don't want to feel alone anymore. I need more friends.. distraction.

[Yaz]

I want to be alone, but I don't want to feel that way.

 

Perverse?