My friend's Mum is dying of Cancer. How can I be there for her when she dies?

[Lucy__lou]

My friend's Mother is dying of Cancer. It could be a year, or less that she's likely to live.

 

I want to be there for my friend. We're not close friends, but my friend doesn't really have a lot of people she's close to so I want to be there for her if I can.

 

She's an only child, and a tough acting person who prides herself on her extreme emotional independence. I expect she won't be making herself very available for comfort, but I'm sure she'll need it.

 

Any advice on how I can help her through it would be very welcome.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just be there for her when she needs/wants to talk. Dont push/bring up the issue unless she brings it up first.

 

Just let her know your there for her, anything she needs.

 

When my mum lost her brother (my uncle) I was just basically there when she needed to talk and did lots of little things for her.

[BriarRose]

My friend's Mother is dying of Cancer. It could be a year, or less that she's likely to live.

 

I want to be there for my friend. We're not close friends, but my friend doesn't really have a lot of people she's close to so I want to be there for her if I can.

 

She's an only child, and a tough acting person who prides herself on her extreme emotional independence. I expect she won't be making herself very available for comfort, but I'm sure she'll need it.

 

Any advice on how I can help her through it would be very welcome.

 

Help her with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping. She won't be up for doing these things, as she will be busy caring for her mom and she will also be depressed.

[MinziGirl]

Just let her know that you are there for her & offer her that she can call you or contact you when she needs to...

 

Then the ball is in her court.

[Nixee]

Just be there for her when she needs/wants to talk. Dont push/bring up the issue unless she brings it up first.

 

Just let her know your there for her, anything she needs.

 

 

I second this basically, but I will add that although you don't need to push the issue, it is perfectly okay to ask how she is doing periodically and leave the door very open to let her speak. She may want to vent, or she may want to just talk lovingly of her mom, and it can be very nice to have someone listen.

 

Doing things for her that become extra difficult at such times is also a great help - getting/making food, helping with errands, etc. If she is in a caretaker role for her mother this can be VERY draining for a person, and sometimes the offer to just get out of the house and have quality time with a friend is very very valuable. Don't just think about when her mother dies, think about her now as well.

[_Asti_]

Just be open for being there.

This may include going out for a coffee or something to eat. Not necessarily saying "How are you doing..." but just taking her away from it all can help.

 

If she isn't so much the chatty type, why not do things for her. Our family was always so appreciative when people did stuff for us when my Mother was dying. This included 'annonymous' dinners arriving or being left at the door step, care packages being sent in the mail, and things of that nature.

 

I was super greatful for the meals though. We all had our hands full and at the end of the day it was nice to come home and have dinner waiting for you.

[MinziGirl]

What you can also do is to ocassionally go to her & ask her how she is. It is one of the ways to show her that you care & that you are there for her at this time.

[Britney888]

I think it's important to be there for her when everyone else goes back to their "normal" life. It seems when someone dies there is an outpouring of support right after it happens but once the funeral is over and everyone flies back home or returns to their daily routines the loved one is left to deal with everything alone. When my father-in-law died last year my mother-in-laws family flew in from out of state to stay with her but the day after the funeral everyone had to go home and she was left in her empty house to deal with everything. Thankfully my husband and his sister and our families made sure she was not alone but if it hadn't been for us no one else would have been there for her.