really dumb problem regarding a guy

[iamconfused]

Hi...

 

This is dumb. So dumb.

 

I met a guy at a bar. He manages it, and was really, really interested in me. He hung out with me all night, gave my friend and I free drinks, escorted us around, and was generally highly interested in me.

 

We left and he didn't ask for my number, but he did tell me to stop by any time and visit him. A few days passed and he got my e-mail address (long story as to how) and wrote me a nice e-mail telling me he had fun talking to me, that he wanted me to come back, and so on. He said, four different times, that he wanted me to come down again. Told me to call and let him know when I'd come, if I wanted to.

 

He gave me his work and cell numbers, and also his e-mail address.

 

I responded to his e-mail and said I'd love to come down, and asked what day would be good. Again, I stress that he said four (4) times in one paragraph to call him when I wanted to come down, and that he hoped it'd be soon.

 

He didn't write back. It's been three days. Now tonight is Saturday night and I don't have any plans after 10:30 and it'd be a perfect night to go see him.

 

But he didn't write back! If you were interested in someone and e-mailed them, wouldn't you check your e-mail to see if they responded? Or do you think he's just expecting me to call? Maybe he got the e-mail and changed his mind?

 

Will I look like a complete loser if I go back to the club alone (all my friends are with their boyfriends)? Should I just go? Or wait till he finally writes back?

 

He said to call... but I hate calling men. But he was so encouraging! But I'll look like a loser if I go alone on a Saturday night. Help! I like this guy! Why didn't he write back? Could he really have not checked his e-mail and is just expecting me to call? My friends say I should go. My mom said I should wait. Help!

[JinG]

you told your mom you met a guy at a bar?

 

anyways.. i think you should go, what harm would it do to you? and plus... he seems like he likes you, since he mentioned he wanted to see you 4 times in one paragraph

[iamconfused]

Yeah, my mom met my dad in a bar!

 

Is it bad to some people to meet in a bar?

[lady00]

There could be a million reasons why he didn't reply yet. Call him and see how he responds. You'll never know unless you take a little risk. Email is not that reliable. Sometimes people don't check their email or respond to emails consistently...i know lots of people like that but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care. Call him.

[iamconfused]

I just don't want to look like a desperate loser with no friends. All my friends are with their men or women.

[lady00]

I don't see how you'd look desperate just because you're single. Call this guy, find out what he's up to or just head down there and have a good time. Try not to worry so much

[hurtbylove]

Definetly call him if you have his number.

 

Waiting around for emails sucks.

 

I think in this day and age it's fine for the woman to do some chasing too. It's sexy.

[iamconfused]

Problem is, I read that book The Rules, and it's firmly ingrained in my head that I should NOT call. And my mom tells me to follow The Rules and not call. ARGH!

[BluGurl1980]

I would definitely go. I mean he sounded interested. Besides it is a bar- so if he isnt interested there are going to be other guys you can get to know. I mean you could go planning on meeting him and actually meet another guy you like awhole lot better- as for your friends having dates- they were single at one time as well- i am sure they will understand and will not think of you as a loser if they are real friends. At all else- going out has to be more fun that sitting at home wondering what would have happened.

[JinG]

Your mom is not letting you talk to this guy you met at a bar yet she met her husband at the bar? I think she just doesnt want you in a relationship or getting drunk and taken control of or something.

[iamconfused]

No, it's not that she won't let me go. She says I should play hard to get to see if he's really interested. If he was really interested, he'd have checked his e-mail, no? Unless he's waiting for me to call, since he said to call four times!

 

Thanks for all your replies. I'm leaning on going, but I'll go late so it looks like I was out previously. I really don't wanna look like he's the only thing I have to do tonight. Game playing, I know...

[JinG]

Congrats, if you go.

Useless if you dont.

 

If you go, ask him why he didnt answer your email

and if he takes a long time to answer or says "what?" "i didnt hear you say again?" or "umm uhh" he probably busy seducing other ladies so you should slap him and leave no dont do that but make sure you scream it so he hears it for sure. good luck

[Meow18]

Maybe he's one of those people who only check their email like once a week. My aunt is one of those people & it drives me crazy sometimes.

 

He did ask you to call, so I think you should just call him. What could go wrong? If you call him, it will show that you are just as interested in him. Don't play hard to get, a lot of guys don't like that game & will back off if they think its going to be some difficult thing just to hang out with you.

 

Just take a deep breathe & dial his number. Its not like he won't know who you are, or he doesn't like you. You know he's interested so he'll be happy to hear from you. Go for it. You won't get anywhere just sitting there waiting around for an email.

[iamconfused]

Weeeeeeeell, I called him and got voicemail directly. So I think he won't know I called. Which is good.

[Outlaw2747]

Who cares what you look like in front of them? You want this guy right? Don't let a bunch of wannabe's stop you from possibly being with a good guy. I kinda know how you feel because I been in situations where I would look like a goofball but then again I never really approach girls but if you not the sensitive type, just go out there and get your man!

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think you should listen to dear ole' mom and just wait. You know why? Well very simple, if he went to all sorts of trouble to get your email address when he had just met you at a bar (and might never see you again), the man has guts ( for lack of a better word, heh) and he is going to work hard to see you again.

 

You know this is true. Wait a bit, he might not have checked his email or he might be thinking that you were going to show up anyway.

 

When he gets in touch with you--make sure you email him YOUR numbers so that he can call you

 

Have fun!

 

By the way I think when it comes to a Guy there is no such thing as a dumb problem, just dumb solutions

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

Great answers.

 

I wanted to give you a word of insight in a male's psychy.

 

Guys love challenges. I think this guy is one of them.

 

Part of the dating thrill has to do with seduction, and being able to reach someone who seems unreachable.

 

This "seduction" game is exciting. As someone else mentioned, he went out of his way to get your email. He had to take steps to conquer you.

 

If you go now to the bar without your friends, here is what he will hear: "Here I am! I am all yours!"

 

This drops all the flirting game at once. In my opinion, it kills the mystery.

 

Playing "the game" would work better. Send him a text message saying something like: "catch me if you can" would be more effective in keeping him in the mood he is in.

 

Guys love being seduced. If you go to his bar, go with some friends. Be open, be fun and give him a taste of what he could get with you.

 

This is not about playing hard to get. It's not either a mind a game. the goal is simple: wake up his need to conquer you. Tease him with that.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[iamconfused]

Well, I did end up calling and got his voicemail directly. So I think the cell phone was off, which means he probably doesn't know I called. Which is good!

 

You really think the fact that he hasn't replied in four days is because he's playing the game? I did send him my number, by the way. I will not call or e-mail him again. He manages this club which my friends and I do go in once in a great while, so I guess I'll see him again eventually. But I won't go there looking for him.

[Mun]

Hi again,

He is probably waiting a bit to contact you because he is "playing it cool", maybe not wanting to look too eager and spook you.

 

I know, we women wish men would call within 3 days Right? (Do guys understand that concept?)

 

Just wait and see what happens.

[NittanyKitten]

why does it have to be if you're not the sensitive type? I'm sensitive... extremely sensitive... ask anyone who's lived with me, near me, or that I've known for a really long time!!! But, that's never stopped me... I just try not to care what others think...

[Outlaw2747]

I am very sensitive, as you can tell by my other posts. I guess love is full of games. Sorry but when it comes to love, I put no BS behind it, it is either you want me or you don't. I'm not going out my way for ANYONE, at least not any extreme measures.....lol!

[NittanyKitten]

Well that's a crappy attitude... No wonder you have girl issues! Sounds a lot like you're full of yourself, Outlaw... Love isn't just about you and your needs. If you want true love, put her needs and wants before your own. Once she realizes it really is real, true, honest-to-God love, you'll get that much respect, trust and love in return ten-fold!!! Just remember to continue to place her before yourself after that, though. Otherwise the love will fade really fast! It's not an "if you love me, I'll love you" deal, though, so don't think that. It's one of those things that has to be unconditional. If your partner doesn't love you as much as you want him/her to, OH WELL!!! Maybe it just takes them longer to realize it really is love, or to fully trust the emotion. I, myself, am one of these! Love scares me. Being close to someone scares me. The thought of losing someone after giving them all my heart and soul terrifies me! It'll take a long time for me to ever get over that, and it won't happen until I can get over my younger sister's death. So, I know from the point of view of the person who DOESN'T trust love that you need to place your partner before yourself, and to be patient. Love is earned, and in some cases, a lot of time is needed for it to come out fully in a relationship on the part of one or both people....

[Outlaw2747]

Well that's a crappy attitude... No wonder you have girl issues! Sounds a lot like you're full of yourself, Outlaw... Love isn't just about you and your needs.

 

No, it is a SENSIBLE attitude. And that isn't why I have girl issues. For some reason I have a bad habit of getting with the wrong girls because they are the one with the issue but you never know until it is too late. And I never said anything about love being all about me. If you ask anyone who has read alot of my posts like DopeStar, PADreamer, and Shinobi, they will tell you that I am not hung on myself and I want equality in a relationship. If the girl I am waith loves me, i return the favor. I'm not going to love someone that has NO desire to love me back. Sure, I will fall in love with someone before they do with me but once I notice I am not the one they want, I won't pursue any further. That is just a setup for failure. So your comment about love being all about me is ignorant and highly inaccurate.

 

If you want true love, put her needs and wants before your own.

 

Yes and no. I would love to care for my girl and make sure she is happy but sadly most of the girls I met just don't appreciate anything (girls in general not girlfriends) that guys do for them. But for the ones that do appreciate me, I show them my gratitude by taking care of them and being by their side. I usually do a good deed for a girl before they do one for me so I DO put her needs before mine but not so much as she thinks she is complete royalty and spoil them.

 

It's not an "if you love me, I'll love you" deal, though, so don't think that. It's one of those things that has to be unconditional. If your partner doesn't love you as much as you want him/her to, OH WELL!!! Maybe it just takes them longer to realize it really is love, or to fully trust the emotion.

 

That is true. But would you really be in love with someone that OBVIOUSLY has no intention of being with you? As far as unconditional, believe it or not, that is an oxymoron. Why? I shall explain.....

 

Simple and sweet definition here. the word unconditional basically means love without reason; no preferance for anything, just love them. That doesn't truly exist. You obviously have to love someone for a reason. I know what you mean by unconditional love but there is a limit to that. The REAL definition in this sense is to love someone with the LEAST amount of preferences on your part, meaning you love them for probably one thing or only two things. if we loved unconditionally, everyone will be running around giving each other hugs and kisses and there would be no prejudice. And you say OH WELL to someone not loving you as much as you want them to now, just wait until you are DYING for some guy and he gives you the hint he don't want you as much as you want him....EVER. I been there, I know how it is. But yes, people can change after a while but I would not spend a lenghty amount of time with someone who don't love me.

 

Love scares me. Being close to someone scares me. The thought of losing someone after giving them all my heart and soul terrifies me!

 

I don't blame you but guess what...I BEEN THERE!!!!

 

Once she realizes it really is real, true, honest-to-God love, you'll get that much respect, trust and love in return ten-fold!!!

 

I call crab dung on that one. I have given my honest-to-God love to several girls and they just throw it away as it has no meaning whatsoever. I guess that is how alot of girls show their gratitude and respect for a guy who actually wants to do the right thing. Lots of guys don't respect girls, more than half of girls don't respect guys because of false accusations like you just did, or because of some evil man that hurt them, or just because.

 

In short, I am not full of myself (ask around) and I think we should not always be the ones to pour out our heart and soul just so you can stomp on it. A somewhat equal relationship where both memebers show their love and both do everything in each other's power to keep the other happy is a great way to go.

[Anthony_B]

ok, so u met this guy, u like him, he likes u, so what r u waiting for? don't bother calling him or e-mailing, if i were u i would go there and speak to him face to face. if he does generally like u, then there won't be a problem and he will probably be impressed by ur 'head on' attitude. go for it, and if it don't work out, at least u tried.

[Double J]

Outlaw, you're right on key with those points you make. If you care for someone, and she isn't willing to give what you're willing to give, forget about her. Move on. You can always find someone who IS going to put you as number 1. Many times, the problem is that girls don't know what in the world they want. Some girls want the cake and want to eat it too, but when that is the case, you might as well kiss her goodbye and wish her well, because those types of girls aren't worth dealing with. It's all about equality like you say - the key is that both partners should feel like what they have is too good to be true.. That's when you know it's love.