There is no hope for me, I must go

[nomore]

Oh god! I have heard so many stories about people being depressed over serious stuff but I feel like my situation is hopeless. I am about to get of college but the thing is I may not pass one of my classes which means I wouldn't graduate.

 

This may sound dumb to most of you but if I don't graduate... I really going to kill myself. For the last several weeks, that's all I've been thinking. The moment I'll throw myself off the cliff... It's just so vivid. There is no way back, if I fail which I think I will, I'll just have to end it all. There is no way back. I don't know where to hide. Something inside of me keeps dying. What am I going to do. I never thought my life ends this soon. I'm shaking so bad, it's worse than sever spasm. I'm so scared. What would my family think after I die. I've ruined their lives so far but after I die... What is going to happen to them.

 

I just can't get this thought out of my head. There is no way out. I wouldn't graduate, I'm a failure. I wasn't meant to be on this planet. I just don't know what to say. I don't want to kill myself the day of graduation cuz that would be unfair to my parents thinking I'll graduate but I wouldn't. I wish this was just another nightmare but it wouldn't go away. I'm ganna kill myself but I'm so scared. I can't think, everything constantly going blank. I'm a failure, everybody is progressing, I just want to go. Go and never come back. This pain will stop. I have nobody to talk to, nobody. I know people out there think I'm joking but it just pains me that my life would be over so soon. I wish I was someone else. There's no hope. oh god what to do where to go. I've got nothing left here. I've failed everyone, myself my family. I have no one. Not a soul just my lonely tears.

[hurtbylove]

I really shouldn't be one to talk but there is more to life than just this one class.

 

Even if you were to completely fail out of college, there are other opportunities out there. You can find another job, try college again later. This is only a minor setback in the whole scheme of life.

 

Even if you don't graduate right now your parents might be disappointed but they should always accept you for who you are. Don't give up life for something that you will see as being trivial. It looks like a huge mountain now, but it might turn out to just be a little mound.

 

Despite your possible failure you will have opportunities to prove yourself later in life. You won't have that chance if you end your life.

[redsuede]

I know that this all seems so definite that this is all life will show to you forever, but lots of people, very smart people dont pass all of their classes. This too will pass. This isnt what you are here in life to do is pass all of your school classes.. You should be proud of yourself for all the millions of classes that you did pass. Suicide is NEVER the answer.. You will look back one day at this day and say, I am so glad I did not do that. You are only in the middle of something very hard to face, and the accomplishment you will feel if you can look this in the eye and take pride in YOURSELF, dont allow what anyone else will feel to define you.. This is your life.. It can feel good to know that you are putting your feet where you want to. IF you fall, join everyone else on this planet cause everyone falls sooner or later, the trick is to pull yourself up and get back on your feet.. I know that this feels so over and no where else to turn.. but you have us.. We care and we will listen to you. please do not kill yourself. Life can be good.. but there has to be hard parts to life too. and this just happens to be something that is very hard for you. keep us posted.. DONT DO IT!!!!!

[Meow18]

My brother is going through kind of the same thing. He was supposed to graduate last year, but couldn't because he didn't have all his classes he needed.

 

What he ended up doing was taking the last 2 classes he needed this summer, but after a couple weeks, he dropped them because they were too difficult. So now he's going to have to go an extra year of college to make up for it.

 

Is there any way you could re take the class? Even if it means going an extra year or something, it could be worth it.

 

Don't give up. College is only one of the many obstacles you have to face & its difficult for anyone. Don't throw your life away just over a class. Its so not worth it. There are things you can do about it.

 

I'm assuming you don't know yet if you failed? Don't worry about it right now because there's nothing you really can do. I would say go in & talk to your teacher, talking to the teacher really can help. Ask her/him if there's anything you can do.

 

Seriously, your family would be so devastated. I'm sure they would be more hurt if you killed yourself than if you failed a class. A college class does not determine whether or not you are a failure, its what you do in life. There's so much more to life than a career anyway.

 

Don't throw your life away over this, there's so much more to life than this.

[Rahll]

If you?re going to kill yourself, it doesn't matter what your family will think. I am in no way suggesting that you actually should, but using your family as an excuse isn?t good. If you kill yourself, you will be dead. You won't experience anything, and you won't exist, so thereforeeee it doesn?t matter how your family/friends will react because you wont be there to perceive it.

 

You need to find a reason for living, preferably something that you will never fully comprehend or complete. That way you will always have something to strive for. It could be religion, a high moral principal, a philosophy, or even something tangible like becoming the wealthiest person in the world.

 

Once you have found that something, let it guide your life. No matter what else happens, work towards that reason for life.

 

For me, its knowledge. No matter what I do, and no matter if I perceive it as good or bad, it's creating knowledge. Knowledge in the form of experience, and memories.

[thisisnotanexit]

no one, and i repeat, no one should kill themselves, because that is never the answer. but, especially not for this reason. you gotta lighten up. i'm in college now too so i understand the pressure. i have to keep scholarships or i know ill lose money and my family will be disappointed and i might have to drop out. but, you know what? its just college. life goes on and i will make it through somehow. i just do my best and if i still somehow fail, then so be it. my family may be very mad at me and i may lose money, but they'll eventually get over it. and if they don't, well hey, this is my life, not theirs. people make mistakes, its ok. college is tough, but just try your hardest, that's all you can do. you'll get by, you'll see. just don't stress so much, you're making it harder on yourself. and please, by all means, do not kill yourself over this. this is so temporary and you have your whole life in front of you. relax and just do your best, you can do it. if you ever wanna talk, please feel free. take care

 

------

aim - idioteque182

msn - email removed

icq - 211613003

link removed

[nomore]

There is no hope at this point. It's as if I'm walking in twilight zone. I'm paralyze and I can't feel my own emotions. I have to constantly bang my head against something to snap out of it. I rather do it in the tub so I can wash off the blood. I can't do this anymore. I have failed everyone, I was this close to graduate now for just one class...

 

Can somebody tell me what happens when someone dies. I hope it's just pitch black... I do't wanna feel anything afterward. nothing, and I mean nothing. void is what I'm longing for. I know for the fact when I get close to the edge my knees would give up on me and I've to crawl. I don't wanna throw myself cuz it seems to be too public and that would petrify me. I don't have much time left to do any constructive research on what it's the best way to kill myself. Throwing myself off the height would make a mess and I don't want my dad to wash off my dead cold body in a disfigured form.

 

I'm so alone. I've got no energy left in me to fight this. I wish I could just get hit by a car. I can't pick up the phone cuz it might be my parents. I keep imagining someone calling them at work... I wish my sister was here so I could hug her just once for the last time. They will never understand how I feel. This is just too much to take. I should have ended it all the first time. I should have just let myself to drown on my vomit and blood. I just don't know how much of this I can take. I have not much time left I wish I could hug someone for the last time. I can't type for today nymo

[hurtbylove]

Read what these people are saying. Separate your mind from your fears for a second.

 

You WILL regret it if you leave this world over this. Take control of your life. Take a vacation, make new friends. Talk to someone you can trust.

 

You must do that. The worst thing you can do is sit and brood about this alone.

[Meow18]

You seriously need to call your parents or anyone, can you call your sister?

 

Think about what your doing, think about how your sister is going to feel when she hears that you killed yourself. It seems you two are close & that you need her right now. Think about how your parents are going to feel, they will think they did something wrong.

 

Do you know how hard it is for a parent to lose a child? Their children are their most prized possesions. Even if they get mad at you over a college class, the love for you is still there & will always still be there. They won't hate you, but they may end up hating themselves if you kill yourself.

 

And for what are you doing this for? What are you putting your family who loves you through this for? Because you failed one class? Is it really worth it? Do you know how long it will take them to get over this? I'll tell you, they will never get over it, they will always remember you & they won't understand it. Have you ever lost anyone close to you? Imagine if your sister were going through what you were going through right now. How would you feel if she just ended it all?

 

This isn't your time to die. It couldn't be because if it was, you would be dead already. Your going to take your life too early, Before you know what could become of your life. Don't you have dreams? Other reasons besides school to live?

 

I don't know what happens after you die. No one really does. Why would you leave this life just over a class when you don't even know what you will be getting into?

 

You need to talk to someone. You will go crazy if you don't. Please do yourself a favor & call someone. Call anyone. Tell them that you need them. People love you in this world & they would do anything for you to make sure that you didn't do this.

 

Life isn't easy, just take a breathe & know that it will be ok. Nothing bad happens to those who don't graduate college. Do you realize how many successful people there are out there in this world who didn't even make it through high school? Get a job & make money, then next year, take your last class over. So what if you have to graduate a year late, or 3 years later.

 

College doesn't determine whether or not you are a failure. You are a failure if you don't even try to make things better, if you just end it all because you don't think it will be ok. Just try to work something out.

 

Trust me, in 5 years, you will look back at this & think about how horrible it would have been if you ended it. There is so much to look forward to in life. Its not all about college, its about other experiences in life too. You could have a loving wife & one day children of your own. Your sister will become a beautiful woman. If you won't stick around for you, then do it for your sister, she needs you.

[unbound]

I fully understand your position. I was once in that position myself. There are a few things that you should consider. First you should consider dropping the class if you can so that you can avoid getting an F. Second, keep in mind that there is plenty of time to graduate, and that you aren't dumb, or worth any less than if you graduated on time.

 

If you really think you are going to kill yourself, go to the hospital, or call 911 and tell them how you feel. You will likely be put in a psych ward, but only for a short term. I won't lie to you, it isn't exactly a pleasant experience to be in a ward, but at least it gives you time to get back on your feet. Right now you need perspective. Your life is worth far more than a pesky degree. Believe me, I'm a college grad myself.

[Rahll]

For everone who keeps giving suggestions about how he can avoid failing the class, or how he can retake it......there is much more going on here than that one issue. Much more than any of us can understand by his two posts.

 

In my previous post, I talked about how someone can kill themselves, but a mod (understandably so) edited my post, so I cant awnser that question.

 

As for what it will be like when you die, based on what I believe, it will be like nothing. Depending on how one dies the point leading up to it might be painful, extremely so, or it might be painless. Once you loose consinsious or become brain dead, then you wont feel anythign. There wont be any white light, no blackness, no feeling what so ever. You will no longer exists, and thereforeeee you wont feel anything at all. Your life will have completed, and nothing will be left. For some, this might seem comforting, and it was not meant that way. It's simple what I believe, and it's up to you to descide on what you want to do.

 

You need to find a reason for living, that isnt based on anything anyone else tells you. If you cant find that reason, then you will end up killing yourslef, or you will go through the rest of your life without truly experienceing it.

 

Sucidie is the single most selfish thing anyone can do, but as I've said before, man is selfish, and this is not a bad thing.

 

I hope you find what you need, be that a reason for living, or a way to die peacfully.

 

(mod, if you edit this post, please tell me exactaly what I said that was wrong, Im not trying to get anyone mad)

[nomore]

These past few days have been hellish for me. I went home yesterday but only saw my parents for a few short minutes. I couldn't bare looking at them. I didn't say goodbye and all I wanted to look them in the face for the last time or just hold their hands, wishing they could forgive me.

 

But I didn't have it in me. I've set the date on July 29 the day before the commencement that way they wouldn't be the parents whose kid killed himself on the day of graduation. I've just haven't decided how to go but I just have a small glimmer of hope that something would stop me. I've cried so much in the pass week that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Why does life suck so bad? All I wanted to get a job and travel. Now I've no hope, i don't feel writing anymore.

 

The hardest part is that my mom called and asked me what it's wrong with me. I coudln't tell her, i was about to burst into tears so I had to hang up. she calls back asking how I was doing in school i just wish my heart would have exploded right then. she said if I'm having problem with one of my classes i should study hard and pass it no matter what but i didn't have it in me to say that there is no hope. i have two weeks to live but i've to pass other classes so they don't assume i was a total loser . I wish i could just go away just get away from this pain. i really don't have it in me i reall don't i feel so lightheaded all the time

[Rahll]

It doesnt sound like your really going to go through with it. Hopefully some of what the people in this thread have said, is sinking in.

 

People very rarely plan on killing themselve, and set a furture date for it. Err, rater, people rarely plan and then go through with it.

 

The vast majority of all sucidies are either planned out in private, and then when the moment is right, it just happeneds, or the suicide happens with little or no warning, due to a deep state of depression.

 

Forget your family, and forget your classes. If you want to travel, then go travel, you dont need college for that. I never has any kind of education past high school, and I'm successful at what I do. I'm not rich by any means, but I have enough money that I could do a bit of traveling if I wanted to.

 

Nothing else to say that hasent allready been said, I suggest you reread all of the posts on this thread, and actulaly think about them, even if you dont agree with what the person is saying.

[nomore]

I was seriously considering to end it all in the last few days. I think I was so numb that I couldn't step outside my room. But I did manage to cut myself a little bit on my hip area. Honestly I don't know why I did it, I really don't. Nothing really matters now although I am much calmer today.

 

If I don't take my own life, I don't know how I am going to look into my parents' face. I frankly don't wanna know cuz I constantly assuring myself that I'm ganna go... soon. That's the only way to alleviate the pain. I think I'm ganna take my time to read some of the posts now. I wish this was only a nightmare... The more I think of it, I don't wanna do it becuz of my parents but just to be free of this agony, this spiral of abyss I'm stuck in.

[Meow18]

I'm glad that you are now taking the time to actually think. I understand what you are going through. I know how hard college classes can be. I know I would be upset if I failed a class too.

 

You need to really think about where you are at this point though. Is failing one class enough to kill yourself for? Do you really think thats reasonable. It seems like you don't want to die, but at the same time you do because you don't want to face your parents.

 

They are your parents. They might be disappointed, but they still love you. Thats the great thing about parents. You can tell them anything & even if it upsets them like no other, they still love you just the same. They will not think you are a failure because you failed a class, you are their son, you always will be. Thats even if they get upset, how do you know they won't just be calm about it & understand what you are going through?

 

People fail classes all the time. It doesn't mean you are stupid at all. Classes can be unbelievably hard & having a bad teacher makes it worse. What you have to realize though is that it happens, & we just have to learn from it. Can't you take this class over again? It will take time, but its worth it more than killing yourself.

 

I think instead of figuring out how to kill yourself & how everyone will feel about it, try to figure out how to get enough courage to face your parents & what you can do about this class. I would suggest calling your mom or dad (whichever you are closer to) & saying "I really need to talk to you & I feel so horrible right now. I failed a class & I just don't know what to doright now. I feel like my life has no purpose anymore." Tell them what you are feeling. If you can't talk over the phone, or in person, try emailing them, or sending a letter by mail.

 

Talking to your parents about this can also help you because they can offer you advice. They may get a little upset, but its not because they hate you & think you are a failure. Its only because they want whats best for you because they love you. I'm sure you've dealt with getting lectures from your parents before, everyone has, so you know that it will pass, they won't be mad at you forever. Thats of course if they even get very mad about this.

 

Really think about your life. Don't you think you have more of a purpose for being here than college? Don't you want to know what you could become, or what will happen to you later in life? Really think about why you feel the need to kill yourself. Is it just because you feel you can't face your parents because you think they will be ashamed? Is it because you feel like since you failed this class, you can't become what you want to be in life? Really think about it all & please if you need any help on deciding how to face your parents, or anything else, pm me.

[nomore]

Tomorrow is the last day I would see a sun set. I've fallen in the

vortex of sadness hurling me into abyss of emptiness. I am not

afraid any more as a matter of fact I am much in peace with

myself. At least now I have a purpose... To die. I'll post another

message tomorrow night before formattin my machines.

[nomore]

I don't have much time to write so I try to make it short and to the point. Unfortunately, I don't think I have time to go watch the sunset since I have to study for one last exam just to at least pass all my other classes before I go.

 

I failed myself and everyone who had their hopes high on me. I don't see a point of going on anymore. I found a moderatly decent place outside of the town; the view ain't that great but that's the best I could do. I thought about the burial costs and expenses, I put down my car, computers, and tons of books to make up for the financial burden they will face. That should cover it about right.

 

I'll try to take my time before doing it. Just going over everything I've done and mostly not accomplished.

 

Remember me...

[wlfpack81]

Okay man I've felt like crap before and wanted to end it at times but man you sound serious so I'm gonna say..

 

PLEASE DONT' DO IT MAN. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

 

Going to school an extra semster or two won't hurt and it's not how fast you finish the race but whether you finish it or not. In 5-10yrs when your makgin good money at your job in your major you'll be glad you didn't end it all.

[nomore]

So I am still here but not by choice and I don't want to say it is a miracle. A day prior to my graduation, I finally said farewell to my life and drove to my death bed. I spent a few hours just sitting on the edge revisiting my life and cried and cried... Time went by fast and I was emotionally so drained that fell asleep. I woke up around 4 A.M. finding myself in the middle of nowhere, cold and confused, I couldn't feel my face. I hysterically walked towards my car and once I got in, I just realized why I was there in the first place. But I was too tired to go back so I drove back to my apartment.

 

Anyway, I don't regret not killing myself cuz my life got misrable when I found out I didn't pass my class and I was going to be in the college for another semester. That didn't bother me, when I told my parents, they went haywire and surely I considered an another attempt. But then a miracle number 2 occurred: My professor granted me a re-examination. So I got myself together and went to our admission department to get a permission. I don't know how and why but the advisor informed me that I had INDEED graduated and didn't even need that frigging class and the error was due to the mistake made by the advisor of my major school; miracle number 3.

 

I still don't know what to get out of all this.

[wlfpack81]

Basically nomore it means you weren't meant to die now. Congrats on graduation.

[-trapped-soul-]

life sucks... but you sound like a very very nice guy... dont let school take your life like that... i know school can be hard, but think you dont know whats going to happen in twenty years from now... you could be rich have a wife and kids... you cant give up all hope because of school... and anyway... by your typing it sounds like youre a smart guy, very nice and could take on the world... i hope you understand you do have people around the world as your friends... all of these enotalone people theyre here for you... i am here for you... i hope you pick wisely...

your friend sam...

[electricekcentric]

satan is doing this to you..satan and his slimy little resident demons that hes assinged to you.fight back...you know who to call on...