Jealous Wife

[maddione]

I need your help! My husband has a very close work friend (girl) who he often goes to her first before even confronting me about his issues and they have an extremely close relationship. We have been married for 10 months and initial she did not bother me until recently when many occurrences have happened and really made me think about their relationship. A few months ago she told him that she was having martial problems with her husband and that there was someone that she works with that she could of pursued a relationship with, but didn't try (and deep down inside I think she is referring to my husband). Than he often compares me to her with wearing make-up and he even asked me why I don't pull my hair back (like she does). They constantly talk on instant messager all day and I know they are not just talking about work ( they are talking about personnel things that I have no idea). Last week I was on his computer and she instant messaged him and said "hey rooster- it's the chick", so now I find they have nick names for each other? Also, they often go out after work (not alone, but with other co-workers) and I can't stand the fact of him going out with her! I confronted him about her and he says I am just jealous and I need to drop it. I know I am jealous, but I don't know what to do? They clearly have more than just a "working relationship"!!

[butterflykiss04]

Opposite sex friendships are ussually a problem I know that you confronted him about how you feel but I think your gonna have to do it again maybe this time you can let him know that yes maybe you are jelouse but its because he is giving you reasons to be you can tell him that you understand that they are friends but that somethings are just not cool anymore now that he is married to you.

[CCB]

Yeah man,

 

after marriage the whole thing changes, I personally don't think anyone should be able to just like flirt with other people just like that. It's not a jelously issue it's just that if you're seeing someone that you're bonded with in a strong thing like marriage then he should be able to find a deal and work it out and just back off the whole thing.

[kdreger]

Your husband is out of line. That kind of intimacy should not exist outside of the marriage. It creates resentment and insecurity which leads to jealousy. Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. This is beyond harmless flirting at work as he's bringing it home with him.

 

It is well known that when married, you have to be willing to give up close relationships with the opposite sex to protect the marriage. It's a reality of deciding to get married. I don't think it is out of line to expect him to choose. If he's really serious about the marriage he should be willing to cut back on his interacting with her.

 

Simply put, he shouldn't need her to feel good about himself because he has you. Whatever he gets from her he should get from you. The way he's acting now is disrespectful, out of line and will only result in trouble.

[Luciana]

Maddione, I think you should talk to him seriously. It is totally out of line for her to IM him and call him pet names. Tell him if he wants to be her friend, she should be your friend too (meaning, he has to see her as a couple, and avoid any conversations that are not work related when alone).

Tell him seriously because I see AN AFFAIR in the brooding.

Also, you should scare her-confront her-do not be scared. Show her you know what she is after and she can't have it-there are plenty of single men out there.

When she IM's him, you should have answered: this is his wife and I think you should respect our marriage. You are out of line here. I am warning you to stop talking to my husband about personal things and go find other friends. If you need to vent, go find a woman friend, not my husband. Remember I am watching you.

Do not let him make you feel bad for doing that. Deep down he will admire you for fighting for your marriage. Because something's bound to happen if it hasn't yet.

OPEN YOUR EYES.

I know I would scare the hell out of any woman who was blatantly flirting with my husband like that. If she wants to be his friend, she has to be my friend too. Simple.

Good luck and don't be a shrinking violet.

[Francis]

Dear Maddione,

 

I would like to reassure you and let you know that pure and simple friendship is possible between men and women.

 

I happen to work with guys that went to school with me and they are all married and I am not. We go out after work every working day for a drink and relaxation and they have never ever even flirted with me: they are just good friends and, all in all, we have a very superficial friendship : just having fun, telling jokes.

 

Of course, I know their wifes and I always make sure to entertain a good relationship with them and to inform them that I am not a loser such as to entertain a relationship with a married man. I am always nice and polite with them and make them feel secure in their relationships. In fact, I think they prefer their husbands to be with me, since they know I would never agree to do inappropriate stuff (i.e. go to strip clubs) even though they have mentioned their desire to go in the past, I think I am the only obstacle for this. On the other hand, their wifes know I come from a rather religious background and that I hate flirting: may be that is why they trust me.

 

I must add that, even though my friends are not home that much (I don't know if I would like a husband like that!) they do love their wifes a lot, they care a lot about them and the kids, I can tell from the times where one of them is tight with money, they'll undertake anything to give her everything she needs. They just love them in a mysterious way : they seem to have major problems communicating with them and prefer to be with their friends, but they would do anything for their wifes.

 

I don't know whether you should worry about this friendship. My friends and myself share tons of stupid jokes and comments all day, but this does not mean anything.

 

The best thing would perhaps be to invite this person over to your place for brunch and see how she behaves. If she caters only to him and is aggressive with you, then you should be careful. A normal woman would not want to hurt the wife of her friends and would understand that she has to display a very clear behaviour with the guys : friendship only and no flirt.

 

Even if she is interested in your husband, once she knows you, she may be more reluctant to go ahead. Now, if you find out that this woman is persistengly after your husband, then you should fight and win. However, don't be too hard on your husband : Remember that he works all day just for you, to give you shelter and provide for you only! He is not working for her!

 

Take care!

[OceanEyes]

Remember that he works all day just for you, to give you shelter and provide for you only! He is not working for her!

 

I am guessing that you work too, would I be wrong in assuming that Maddione?

 

I think your husband's relationship with this female co-worker is pretty inappropriate. Have you mentioned it at all? Does he leave himself signed into MSN messenger (or Yahoo or whatever) even when he's not around? I think that should say something itself. If he was trying to hide something from you (ie. a "relationship with this girl), he would probably be very cautious about letting you see the messages coming in from her. However, if he just 'accidentily' left it on just one day or you snuck into the room while he was in the washroom, I would worry. If he's deliberately hiding things, you have every right to worry and suspect.