Depression in mid 20s?

[byates5637]

Just want to see if anyone else can relate to this.

 

Basically, I'm 26 years old and find myself sinking into a bad depression and totally unsatisfied with my life. I dumped my girlfriend of 2 years last month and now deeply regret it, but she isn't able to trust me anymore. I freaking hate my job. I'm a software engineer and make good pay, but detest sitting in a cubicle 9 hours every day. It's really making me insane sitting there day after day for the last year and a half. I don't like the people, don't think they like me, and my boss definitely does not respect me. Every day I worry about getting fired, but then feel like it would be a relief because I wouldn't have to go there anymore.

 

And my social circle has gotten extremely small. I only have a couple friends anymore that I talk to regularly, and they mostly have serious girlfriends and wives.

 

So I called out of work today because I was "sick". Really I just needed a mental health day...haven't had a day off in a while. And i find myself sitting here by myself with no energy, just want to sleep. And I keep daydreaming about my life two years ago. I was in college, had tons of friends. TOns more free time to enjoy. And I was falling in love with my (ex) girlfriend. It was great. How the hell did I sink so low, when I feel like I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do?

[RelaxByWater84]

I know how you feel. The friends I do have are married or in relationship so its hard to find someone with whom to relate. I think a lot of people are depressed these days. We had such hope for the future and then getting out of college in the midst of a depression/recession we find that is much tougher than before. I know about the job situation. Everytime I walk up the steps to work, I feel like I'm walking up the scaffolding where there is a noose waiting for me called my job. I get where you are coming from.

[baker843]

I can relate to you. Some people call this the 'quarter life crisis' where you see others your age getting married, in solid careers, having kids, and you still don't know what you want to do and aren't married or maybe stuck in a 'dead end' job, etc.

 

Reality is that you are very young. You have plenty of time to change your job/career. You don't deserve to have to worry about getting fired everyday: if you are doing your best as an employee and following policy and doing what you are supposed to be doing, that sounds like a toxic environment and you should be looking for something new and better.

 

The number of friends usually wanes as people get older. People are getting married, have jobs, etc and don't have as much time to devote to a large group of friends anymore. This is normal, especially since you and most of your friends probably have full time jobs that consume most of their energy.

 

Everyone needs a mental health day now and again so don't beat yourself up over wanting to sleep and do nothing.

 

I recommend picking up a copy of the "Quarter Life Crisis" because I went/am going through something similar and the book truly helped me.

 

Something to think about as well: our whole lives up until our mid 20's is kind of planned: you go to high school and graduate. You go to college and graduate. you get a job................................now what??? Marriage and career comes at different times for different people. You are still so young! Give it time.

[byates5637]

THanks man. As far as the ex-girlfriend thing goes, we have been in light communication. She came over for dinner the other night. She knows I want her back. She just doesn't know if she can trust me again and needs time to think it over. So I'm just essentially waiting to hear from her...not much else I can do at this point I guess.

[Lady Rashomon]

Why did you two break up?

[byates5637]

Why did you two break up?

There was a lot of arguing for the past couple months that didn't seem to be getting better. She called on a friday to make plans (we ALWAYS hang out on Friday's) and I told her I needed a couple days by myself to think things over and take a break from the fighting. She got really mad at me over the phone so I said "let's just break up then." And that was that. Within a week or so I realized the fighting didn't warrant breaking up and I would have preferred to work out out problems in the relationship. I realized it wasn't all her fault, I had my fair share of problems.

 

Now she's scared to get back together with me because she thinks the same things will happen again and I'll break up with her again.

[dolcemano]

Hi. I can relate to your issues. Been there and still am, I'm 28. What makes it even worse, I'm doing (in everyone eyes except mine) great. I feel about my job the way you to yours, and I even got a big promotion last month. I feel trapped, friends are almost all married, planing to marry and everyone has his problems/life/activities.

 

Stuck in a relationship i don't feel good in, maybe just for the sake of fear that it is as good as I could get. Stumbling upon your topic, I've found out that "quarter life crisis" describes its at best.

 

Heck, I've called in sick more than 10 times in last year for the same reason as you.

[Stay_home]

I know exactly what you're going through. Until oneday something happened that "woke me up" and made me realize that I had it made. And despite a lot of the things that I don't have, there are a lot of good things that I can be grateful for so I just go with that.

[eyepartie]

Yea, I'm 26 (I'll be 27 this december), and oh my am I losing it. I graduated college last year with a biochemistry degree, and I can only find quality control temp jobs. All those years in college spent building up 18 grand in debt just so I can live with my parents and bounce around from temp job to temp job. I've turned into a hypochondriac with all the time on my hands worrying that I'm gonna get badly sick and die at any moment. To make things worse, It's November, and here in Kentucky (and I'm sure many other places) it gets gloooooooooooooooomy (where the hell did the sun go). I get depressed, anxious, and stressed out every season (I'm sure I have seasonal affected depression). All my friends have moved away except for my old fat opinionated drinking buddy who likes to mess with me and talk like we're still in high school. I had all these high hopes of graduating college and moving away and making all this money, buying a bass boat, and everything was just gonna be perfect. I have no girlfriend because I'm afraid of commitment, and now I'm beginning to fear moving away to find a job because I lose my mind even more being totally alone with absolutely nobody around. And yea sure I'll meet people at work, but if all I'm doing is working at factories doing quality control work, well, lets just say that factory workers HATE college graduates no matter how cool/laid back they are. I'm spilling my guts to everyone who feels like they're the only ones feeling the quarter life crisis; believe me, you are NOT alone. Too bad we couldn't all get together and hang out (lol)... I'd pump the keg.

[JU27]

Wow. I think I needed this thread. It's good to know I'm not alone. I'm 25 and just graduated college with a liberal arts degree. I'm working at a job that is just weird/stressful and doesn't pay much. Now I'm wondering where all those years went and how I should have been doing something with my life. I know I could have done better. Even though I have my bachelor's degree, it feels like nothing. It all went by so fast, and I was working the whole time at a part time job at something I don't like. I've just always done whatever my parents said was best. Now, my job is in the same field, but not what I want to do. I'm not even close to being married or having kids. I've never had a "real" boyfriend. Just dated jerks. I have no friends. Absolutely noone that I talk to. I just got in a fight with my best friend and we no longer see eachother. I never see or talk to my family and they couldn't care less.

Thank you. It feels good to vent. I hope it gets better for everyone who posted and is feeling the same way.

[-John-]

I wish I was a software engineer. Had dreams of doing something like that, years ago. But that was before I finally broke down, and I've never really recovered.

 

I'm unemployed, two-time college drop-out, never even had a girlfriend, live with my parents, and I have about 40 dollars in my bank account.

 

And my depression/social anxiety is now so severe that I can't even leave the house.

[twentiesgirl86]

I know what you mean, I am 25 and from outsiders eyes I have it made. Five years ago I would think I have it made. I make good money at a secure job, I work six days a week. But I am depressed. I've never been in a relationship because most people find me unattractive. I have no friends left in this city, so I spend all my free time by myself. I am having a hard time getting my drivers license. I am very shy, so it's hard for me to meet new people. I get people giving me advice saying "Just don't be shy," and it's really not that easy. If it were, I would have beaten shyness years ago. I've been like this since I was a little kid. My mom tells me I played shy when a I was a baby. Plus I don't know where to go to make new friends even if I weren't shy. I've been looking around this city for social events, and there really aren't as many as you'd think. I read the paper, go on kijiji, ask people at work about events, clubs, social gatherings, but really haven't found much yet. I am considering joining a book club or yoga though. Plus I think once I move things will improve.

 

I used to think all you needed was good money, but if I could have friends and love in my life I'd give it away. I might make good money, but I am unhappy and I haven't been happy for two years.

 

It's a lot harder to make friends in my twenties then I would have believed.

[90_hour_sleep]

the dream...

 

i think the midlife crisis is happening younger and younger.

 

we live such a formulaic existence. a lead to b leads to c leads to x,y,z...repeat. and why not...it's what's going on around us. it's our image of success...and happiness.

 

BUT...

 

that image ignores something...something critical as i see it. it teaches us to ignore our own personal integrity. we become skilled at shutting down our hearts when they're truly SINGING to us...because maybe those things that are making our hearts sing don't quite fit the formula. we're so convinced that we know what will make us happy that we're completely closed off to listening to what ACTUALLY makes us happy. broken intuition.

 

i think it starts with paying attention to the things that REALLY MATTER TO YOU. and having enough personal integrity go with something that actually feels right...for no other reason than it feels right.

[JU27]

90_hour_sleep: I never thought of personal integrity in the way you described it, before. I always thought integrity was sticking to something, and doing things right. But I never thought of integrity as listening to what I want to do. I'm currently at a job I don't like and doesn't pay much, because I didn't listen to my intuition. I knew it wasn't the right job for me, but I accepted it anyway. Thanks for posting about the importance of personal integrity.

[mattmcc]

Well I can definitely relate. I am 27 now. My depression started (I guess... though perhaps there were some signs before) when I was 18. I've been forced to quit university twice. I once spent 18 months just playing computer games (at one time I was the best Civ 4 multiplayer gamer in the world ). I've had different jobs at times and been constantly not achieving my potential. In 2009 I started a computer science degree. It was going well... Last summer I won a place on a really prestigious IBM internship. I had mild depression on that which affected my performance (depression is always always after me but lately I've been keeping it at bay to some extent...

 

Around May time this year I met a wonderful girl from Canada. I went out to visit her in Sept/Oct and it might sound a little crazy but we got engaged. Then I had to come back to the UK to finish off my degree. I think I made a bad choice for my accommodation and I my mood went downhill fast. My fiancee knew all about my history with depression but it was immediately clear that it unsettled her. The distance didn't help AT ALL! My stress increased as I realised if I didn't get better she would may well end it and I would lose my degree. She did end it. And now I'm really not sure what is going to happen with my degree. I'm WAY behind anyway. So now I am suicidally depressed. My life doesn't make any sense at all anymore. The end

[replytome]

Watch 'Office Space'!

[meoww]

oh my god!! how terrible--you sound like a fascinating person and I hope things work out for you

[meoww]

Wishing you the best this year--I think you be a lot happier once you find a way to overcome your social anxiety. Then you'll realize how lucky you are to be where you are in life. I think this suffering is alright though, it really teaches you to value what you have and not take anything for granted.

 

don't be afraid to go after exactly what you want--never settle for less

[talo]

I think the mid life crisis that is becoming more acute and is moving to a quarter life crisis and a teenage crisis is an existential crisis, a crisis of identity. For so long we have had notions of 'what/who we are' and 'how we should be' or 'how life should be', rather than explore our assumptions and find out what we are beyond all these assumptions. And to do that is to be ongoingly totally honest with ourselves. We may well find that what exists is not an assumption, a mental construct, a formula.

[Bobby55]

hmm... I can't figure out how to PM...

 

twentiesgirl86:

I feel you. I'm in the same situation!

Perhaps try joining a toastmasters club? There are many, and you can shop around before joining. Its hard at first... but I found it helps getting out of the 'shy' shell and also allows you to meet new people.

[Daisy11]

I can relate! 27 years old, feel like I do the same "routine" every day, live alone....... yup, that's me. I think talo had a good point above about how we have had notions of "what/who we are" and "what we should be". I was always "the cheerleader" or the "finance major".... and now?? I'm the 27 year old girl that lives alone with her two cats, goes to work, sits in her office alone, drives home alone, makes dinner alone (for one) and then goes to bed. REPEAT!

 

I always thought that at this age I'd have a husband and a family and maybe even my first kid. Now as time progresses and I continue to get older (guess that's better than the alternative) it causes more anxiety. Especially including the fact that my 5 best girlfriends (really, my only social circle) are all married or engaged. I'm the only single one in the bunch.

 

However, one of the things I've done to help my attitude on the down days is to sit down and list all of the things I'm thankful for or proud of in my life. I got to 54 the one day. One was even that I have the ability to drive to the store and get some food, anything I want, whenever I want. Consider this, at least I have a job and a car and the money to have that luxary. Some aren't so lucky. And yes, I do live alone, and the lonliness is excrutiating sometimes, but I love my house and I was fortunate enough to have a great job and the means to buy a beautiful house at the young age of 24.

 

Live gets tough, yes. I don't disagree. However, I've noticed my life seems "tougher" when I compare it to others and look at the have and have nots. When I just look at my life alone and all that I have and have accomplished it doesn't seem so bad. Yes, I'd love to be in love and in a relationship right now, yes I want a family and a husband. But there's time. Now, if I'm still in this lonely situation around my mid-30's, then I may need you guys to come and get me off of the ledge before I jump.

 

But yeah, someone said it in a past post, wouldn't it be great if we could all meet up for a party? You pump the keg, I'll do the keg stand.

[Alpine]

I have found amongst my friends and associates that feeling this way in your mid-20s in this current day and age is quite common. You've finished your schooling, you've gotten and job, and then you kinda feel like "Now what?" and often many people in their mid-20s are experiencing this, followed by a feeling of not going anywhere, or not knowing where they are going.

 

All of the aspects of your life that are you are unhappy with, you can address. You are at an age where you have your whole life ahead of you. If you're unhappy with your career, is it possible to rethink what kind of job you have and what kind of job you want to be in? Is there anything you can do to make your job more enjoyable?

 

You said your social circle is also dwindling. How can you improve this? Can you go out and socialise more? Are there any out-of-work activities that you particularly enjoy and could find people within these activities to hang out with?

 

With all that being said though, it sounds like you could be suffering from depression. Go and seek out a GP if you become more concerned about your mental health.

 

And remember that you are still young, you have your whole life ahead of you and you can choose to make it what you will.

[Daisy11]

Great post Karliah!

[talo]

link removed

[Springs]

I am so glad this thread exists. I am feeling all these things as well, feeling I am not where I should be, what do I want to do now, and finding other people are moving on in life around me. Even though I will soon be 26, this is really the first time in my life that I haven't had anything to work towards so to speak...I have done a couple of degrees so that was years in college just to come out and think 'what now?!'..