i think i'm becoming a hater

[simply_r]

i have this problem, i'm re-valuing relationships and i have begun to think that they are pointless, that love doesnt exist and in the end people always get hurt. The thing is, i used to be a believer......i was a romantic..believed in love and thought that someday it wud come to me. Now I spend all my spare time thinking of why its bad and hurtful and i've started to pull myself away from people in my life. I think its because i'm trying to deny having feelings for a friend who wishes to remain "a friend". I am so confused, what do i do?

[piscesprincess]

Love takes time to develope. It is ellusive. Quite simply: cannot be talked about, but felt. It comes and goes, it's not always and forever. It's not about romance, flowers, and candy- that's only part: Love is also work.

[hurtbylove]

If you only focus on negative things of a relationship.. of that there are many

 

But never think about the good times,

 

You'll never get out of this rut. Your future relationships are over before they start.

 

Go out there and give it another chance.

 

If you fall, brush it off, take time to heal the wounds, and try again.

 

I also have a friend that I like in a more than friendship level. But I'm still trying to recover from a past breakup. Even though I know nothing will happen between us, it's still fun to flirt and have fun. It doesn't have to always be so serious.

 

I want to be able to trust someone with my feelings again someday.

 

Learning to trust again will be difficult.

 

It might be slow.

 

But if it works .. wouldn't that be beautiful?

[SandyD]

I can relate a bit to you... except I´m realizing that I am very cynical about relationships.. more so than I thought.

 

I was dumped by a boy I loved when I was 14 or 15 (I´m in my 20s now), and the hurt from that somewhat traumatized me, so ever since then I haven´t ever truly felt deeply about anyone.

 

I like having a true connection to someone, and I only allow myself to get involved with people I know are good. Feelings of infatuation actually kind of bother me. They make me feel sickly and out of control, and I end up hiding away from the person until it subsides a bit.

 

I remember telling myself when I was 15 that I wasn´t built for "falling in love" because it can hurt so much. I´ve never felt that horrible pain since then, thank goodness... and I seriously don´t think I´m missing out. For me, love should be a lot calmer and easier.

 

I do wish I could get crazy butterflies from the right person, but it scares me to death. Maybe someday...

[Rahll]

Hmm, you have three options.

 

1. Start dating and having realtionships agin even though you dont really believe in them, in the hope that if you act like you want to be in a realtionship, eventaully you will start feeling that way. Not likely to happen, but this is the typical response, and nothing really wrong with it.

 

2. Give your self time. Understand that you are acually a lot more like the other billions of people out there and that in time, your feelings will change. Take a break from dating, and try to "romantically feel" for other people as little as possible.

 

3. Keep with your feelings that love will never work, and eventualyl accept the fact. Learn to live without the need to love someone or be loved (romantically) in return. This is by far the hardest but also the most benifical. If you learn to enjoy life without having to love/be loved romantically, then you will avoid a huge ammount of stress, and save a huge ammount of time. This method isnt for everyone.

 

Personally, I have approached option three, and have eventually come to accept the fact that I will likely fall in love again, and that I will likely find someone. But also that the next realtionship I have probally wont work out in the end. However, I've also come to accept the fact that if I never find someone, and never have another realtionship again, it would be ok. As I can be happy without it. The probality of that happeneing is very low, but the fact that I can accept it, lets me go on and enjoy life.

[Dagless]

How sure are you that this friend only wants to be a friend?

 

I Know this girl, who I like alot, and I'm think she knows how I feel.

Or maybe she just surspects the truth and she is just to scared to do anything about it just incase shes wrong, either way I would be more than just friends if she wanted to be.

 

Dont give in to hate, hate lead to suffering.