Have to see my ex tomorrow...so confused (long sorry)

[SameStory221]

I am having a bad night so any help or advice is really appreciated. My ex and I split up after a year last Friday. I know that it is partially my fault for the break up. I am not sure how to handle it. We had a fight because he asked me to meet him at his place at 9pm and he walked in wasted at 3am. His friend called and lied to me about 10 minutes before he walked in and told me that they just left work. So obviously I was angry. He said some pretty mean things that were totally out of character. The argument continued on the next morning and he walked out on me. I know my fault for not giving it time and letting it go to a degree and trying to be rational but I was too hurt. He broke up with me in an email Sunday night (I know!). Saying that when he said he loved me he meant it. He is a better person for being with me and being in my life and that he just can't be who I need him to be in the relationship. He had been thinking about ending it for 2 months. We never really had a fight before this.

He has at his house which I have to have for work so, I gave him the week and told him I need to meet to get my things back. He agreed to meet with me tomorrow at a restaurant that is near his place. I figured this was a neutral place and not intimidating. I know that our relationship will come up. I know that I have trust issues with him which is a HUGE factor in the break-up. He doesn't know that I have been attending group therapy for just this thing because I knew it was taking its toll on us. I am not sure if I should just lay everything on him and hope that he loves me enough to realize that I am trying to get better at this for myself and took initiative prior to this argument because i didn't want to lose him.

I just don't know if there is anything I can say to get him to realize that I am not so irreparably broken. I am just hurt on the inside. I really know this is my fatal flaw but, unless I try to get past it by seeing if I am ready to be with someone you don't really know until it is too late. I took 3 years after the abusive relationship to really date anyone at all. Should I just hold my head up and let it go? I am not opposed to a "break" if we need it but, I do really feel that there is something there worth at least keeping conversation and options open. Please Help.

[thekid55]

I really don't think you should meet him tomorrow. You are obviously very, very hurt still. Your emotions are wayyy too raw for this.

 

Do you have to have these things tomorrow?

[C_Unknown2005]

It's not worth it. Take the kids advice, you still have deep feelings and your thinking with your emotions. The best thing to do is wait it out or have a friend with you to go and get your things. Don't go by your self. I done this and it lead to other things and now im an emotional wreck because of it.

[SameStory221]

Unfortunately yes. He has what I need to submit for a job on Monday. I know I am definitely not ready. I know this and I am just trying to relax, pamper myself a bit, and do what I have to do. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone that can process the files that I need to get off the computer and they are too large to email them and he doesn't get FTP and I can't talk him through it. I have been trying all week. Trust me, I think that it would be better to not even talk to him until I have time to think and get things straight in my own head about this. The only upside is that I am meeting him in a public place. I am hoping I can somewhat put up a front get the work done and get out and possibly avoid the conversation at all.

[C_Unknown2005]

if it's in public then just get what you need and get the heck out... Are you exchanging in a parking lot?

[SameStory221]

no I told him to meet me inside and I work in the public eye so I can't afford an embarrassing emotional break down on this.

[C_Unknown2005]

All i can say is keep it real short and straight to the point. Nothing else. Emotions will get the best of you if you cant handle it.

[SameStory221]

thanks. that is what I am afraid of. I know in my heart I want to tell him everything because he doesn't know of the past issues and the fact that I am seeking help but, i am sure it would just sound desperate at this point and I am not that at all. I know that love is never enough but had he had a conversation with me about how he was feeling in the relationship we might not be here.

[DN]

If you love him and think you could work this out then see what happens. If he is willing to listen as well as talk - and so are you - then something may be able to be worked out.

[SameStory221]

I am on the fence on whether or not I really have nothing to lose by being honest and putting it all out there. Having the break-up conversation that we never had. I agree that if we can communicate about this and what he said was true, there is hope. I do think it is too early to tell what will happen and it is probably too new for either of us to be completely open about it. I mean all I can do I think is prove to him that I am a whole person with some issues. Keep my head up, be myself and let him have his space for as long as he needs. Even if it means it is over.

[C_Unknown2005]

Just let us know how it goes.

[SameStory221]

Well, It went a lot better than expected. He brought a friend with him so, at first I anticipated the worst. I did ask if he planned on speaking to me at all and he said yes and came right back. I managed to keep my head about me and calmly told him that I take responsibility for my piece of the relationship in that maybe I did hold him back because of my own fears. I asked him to forgive me for that. I told him that that was an issue with myself that I needed to work on that perhaps I wasn't ready to jump into the relationship when I did but I am not sorry that I tried. He apologized for not communicating how he was feeling in the relationship so that we could fix it before it got to this point. We had casual conversation about what we have been up to and laughed about mutual friends and some of the past. I am not sure that this is out of habit or out of need to talk and be in each others company.

He asked about my daughter, and I told him that she was a little sad when I told her we broke up and that she liked him. He said that he missed her and really liked her too. He kept giving me his schedule and told me that he was going to call my friends and apologize for not being able to make it to their show this coming weekend (if they didn't hate him already.) He was then asking me about a show that we had planned on going to together (also good friends of mine) and said that if he could make sure he was off work that he would call me when he came out. It is probably easier to just tell you that I work in the music business. Hence all of the shows. I kept it really casual and was like "yeah it would be good to hang out." I told him that I wanted to give him his time and space that he needed to figure out how he feels about us and that I needed that time too. I told him that I didn't want to call him and risk being the "pscho ex," so he can get in touch if he wanted to talk or hang out. He was asking about Holiday plans and I told him that I am not sure what I am doing yet, if I had an opportunity to work in NYC that I would probably just do that unless something better presented itself.

 

I have to be careful and make sure that IF we ever have a chance get back together at all it is for the right reasons and not because he wants to use me for my friends and connections. I am not sure if this was a comfortable conversation to put it away or a way for him to keep his foot in the door so that he doesn't lose all that I am and brought into his life. He really doesn't have a lot of good people in his life and my friends are amazing people that love me unconditionally, it is like my big family and has been for 10 years.

 

Either way, No Contact begins today and I feel pretty good about having said all that I needed to (at least right now.) I do think there is hope but, it's his move. He wouldn't play with my heart to use me for concert tickets or something right? That would just be messed up. I guess I am in the same boat as all of you right now....Wait and see if anything happens and work to make myself better.

[C_Unknown2005]

Good for now the hard part comes... If you would like go click here and do the No contact challenge. Myself and others are doing this and it helps (well for me it does).

[SameStory221]

going to give it a try. thanks for listening. good luck to you too.