New to Dating. Wait, but I've had quite a few girlfriends?!

[Scoe141]

Background:

 

I've dated since I was 15yrs. old. But every single girlfriend was a setup, met through school etc. I never did the casual dating thing. About 2 months I dove into the online dating thing. (hi, welcome to the 21st century.)

 

Present situation:

 

So here's my concerns. I met this girl (online) about a month ago. We chatted for a couple of weeks, then went out on our first date last weekend. It went really well, and the longer the night went on, the greater the interest I began to take in her. We've spoke every day, whether it be phone, e-mail, text or smoke signals. (ok, so I'm lying about the smoke signals.) She even said on one conversation, that she wanted to kiss me at the end of our date, but didn't, because she wanted to "do things right."

 

Since our date, and the more we chatted, I put a stop on receiving matches on my online dating profile. Also, all of the girls that I was in some sort of personal communication with, I told them I just wanted to be friends.

 

OK Scoe, why are you putting all of your eggs in one basket?

 

1. The other girls I was chatting with, I really wasn't "feeling" it with them. And I wasn't going to waste anyone's time. 2. Besides, I dont feel right having a strong interest in someone, while simultaneously talking to other people. I just feel guilty and I'm just not wired to handle all of that.

 

OK so what were you concerns again?

 

There have been two occasions this week where she, (we'll call her Bertha) said she would call me. Instead of calling, she texted me and said she was too tired to talk (10+ hrs of work). Then through the 30 minutes of texting, she said she really wanted to chat tomorrow night. Usually the next morning, Bertha would text me with, "Good Morning! etc". Then sometime during the day, I'd get the "I cant wait to chat with you later." And the night came, and we would have a great conversation for an hour.

 

Then the same thing happened again last night. "Ill call you later." We texted for a bit, then a few hours passed and it was getting late, and I knew she was going to be in bed soon. So I just texted, "hey if you wanted to chat..." she texted back a few minutes later saying she was falling asleep and that she would talk to me today.

 

I just don't know if Im reading into this too much, or if she has some hesitation. (She's in her mid-30's, me early 30's.) I know this is a timeless question, "Oh is he or she into me?" My intuition is usually pretty spot on. I just feel something going on on her end. The communication behavior isn't consistent. The emotional roller coaster, of "Wow this is exciting!!" to "She doesn't seem interested!", isn't maintaining it's fun factor.

 

Maybe I feel that way, because this is NEW and I've never been in the dating world before (so to speak). There is no "norm" is there? I guess we are still learning about eachother. Im just the one that believes in if you say youre going to do something, do it. Maybe Im being too harsh. And maybe Im not taking into consideration any unknown extenuating circumstances... but still.

 

In summation

 

I guess Im wondering, if she WAS NOT interested after a month of communication, wouldn't one believe that she would have told me already? OR am I being kept pretty toasty on the back burner. Which leads me to...

 

My second inquiry. Im assuming its WAY too premature to ask if she is chatting with other guys. Because technically there isn't nothing wrong with that. Even though, I feel one way doesn't necessarily mean she has to feel that way as well. Right?

 

How about you folks, any advice or insight? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and respond.

[byates5637]

I think you're thinking about this way to much. Back off her a little bit. Don't text and call her as often. Don't be available for her all the time.

 

It's still early; things take a while to build up. Just don't over think anything, and go with the flow. She probably doesn't know what she wants yet, which is totally normal considering it's only been a month and you've only had 1 date.

[Scoe141]

All great points, thanks man. I'll send you a wedding invite if it works out.