Judochick Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 This is going to sound so stupid but it's become a real problem and i'd love some advice! I forget how we got on the subject but about a month ago it came to my BF's attention that I had taken a year's worth of judo classes in college (I graduated a year ago) ...anyway he thought this was hysterical and teased me about it, called me "judogirl" and such, and I was OK w/it, but then he made the mistake of challenging me to a wrestling match...and I beat him. > > I actually thought it was fun, (and even a little sexy > when I pinned him) but his ego was instantly bruised and since then he's challenged me to several other "bouts", and no matter how hard he tries, i've beaten him every time. I understand what he's going through, b/c I'm not at all a "big" girl; I'm tall but thin and I'm not muscular (although I do have very strong legs from jogging)and he's a pretty athletic guy w/a significant weight advantage over me. He just can't deal w/that fact that he's getting thrown to the floor and pinned by a girl, even when I explain to him that my judo skills give me a real advantage despite the fact that he's bigger and stronger. > > The last few times he's challenged me i've refused to wrestle b/c i'm sick of his pouty, mean attitude when he loses; he just becomes a real jerk and it's no fun, but refusing to wrestle him just makes him more > frustrated and angry. I did suggest that we take some classes together so we can be on a more even playing field but he said "I don't need to know judo to beat you--you're just getting lucky"...how pathetic is that?? > > I don't know what to do--should I just fake it and let him win? I'd rather he be proud of my skills, and > frankly after growing up as "the pretty girl" who was expected to do nothing more athletic than cheerleading while my brothers starred in varsity sports, i'm kind of proud that i'm actually good enough at a martial arts form that I can defeat a guy (I also told him > that I had won some sparring matches in college > against boys--not many but some--but that didn't seem to help)... > I know this seems silly but it's affecting our relationship and I could really use some advice. Thanks... Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Explain to him that with judo, the harder he tries, the more likely he is to fail as you're using his efforts against him, LOL. Hell I used to get beaten by ex everytime we wrestled or something, and it always led to other things (i agree with pinning being sexy). If he can't get over it, try and help him, next time you pin him, give him a kiss, tongue and all, that should take his mind of losing Link to comment
woobiegirl Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hi judochick, I think it's pretty cool you are that good! You never know when it could save your life...not to mention a great work out! I took 5 years of Karate myself & won a 3rd place trophy in a competition..(against a guy)...it's not all about strength as you know. You're right...he should be proud of you. It's definitely about ego, ...even if he says "you were lucky"...he knows your good, but just doesn't want to admit it. But I guess in his defense, it would be hard to admit you lost a wrestling match to your g/f...LOL, but it's not like your going to announce it to all his friends. Whatever you decide, I sure wouldn't lose on purpose...there's no need to supress your talents. Tell him getting pinned could have it's benefits... Good luck, Woobiegirl Link to comment
Judochick Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Wow...thanks you guys for your kind words...what actually makes me feel so much better is that you both confirm i'm not some kind of freak b/c I can defeat my guy in a physical contest (I was starting to feel that way ...Woobie, i'm betting you are waaaay more accomplished in karate than I am in judo--I earned a first level yellow belt after my classes in college but you actually defeated a guy in competition who ALSO had training! That's amazing! So cool....I wonder , have you ever encountered problems w/guys, whether BF's or just guy friends, who wanted to challenge you? It just seems like when guys find out a girl has some fighting skills they immediatley want to challenge them... and Computer Guy, thanks so much for your suggestion..I actually did try to --ahem--start things, one time after I had pinned my guy, but he's so totally freaked by losing to a girl that he was just like "get off me!" and was clearly not seeing the erotic potential....so stupid! I mean. i'm not meaning to brag, but I am pretty easy on the eyes, and if you're going to get pinned down by a girl, why not take advantage is she's pretty good looking? (again, i apologize if this sounds conceited, but I just can't believe he's not into this as a fun kind of pre-sexual romp!) also, do you mind if I ask about your GF (or is it ex?) who you say used to beat you at wrestling as well? Did she have any wrestling or martial arts training or was she just really strong? Again, i'm just hoping to feel less "freakish" (and less guilty) about my skills, b/c I know this is an unusual situation....Thanks! Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 My ex didn't have any martial arts skills at all, if anything I'm more skilled at self defense than she is, she just happens to be stronger than I am so no matter what I did, she kicked my a**e. This may be going out on a limb, but next time he gets this way about losing, ask him if he would feel the same way if you beat him whilst you'se were nekkid (if you do, say nekkid, not naked, it sounds better, trust me) LOL. Apart from that, yeah, g/l Link to comment
lifeisgood13 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 My suggestion is you also play a sport where he can demonstrate his physical strength - eg how about arm wrestling, where you each place your elbow on the table and clutch hands and try to push the other's forearm to the table? Another suggestion is to go swimming/running together. Have a race and see who wins. I am suggesting that clearly he will be better at some physical sport, and that will take the focus away from your victories in judo contests with him. Another thing - make sure you spend as much time talking about what he is better at as you do about what you are better at (judo). If he continues being upset, perhaps you should move on as it will become a source of permanent angst. good luck, lifeisgood Link to comment
Judochick Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 Thanks Lifeisgood.....I really like the idea of an arm wrestling match b/c I know he would win, but I think he's really fixated now on beating me at wrestling... After one of our earlier matches (it was maybe like the 3rd time I had beaten him) there was this kind of awkward silence afterwards and I tried to fill the gap by saying "well, this makes up for my complete lack of skills at basketball!" b/c we used to play these mock "one on one" games in which he'd basically just go around me and score at will (he is a good b-ball player) but he wasn't biting on that as a way to get around the embarrassment of getting pinned by me... I'm all for doing ANY other sport w/him at this point but I think it's really up to him...I'll try challenging him to an arm wrestle, tho', and see if he goes for it Link to comment
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