does NO CONTACT really give better chance of getting ex back?

[ned2010]

some people believe it works and some people say its a bad idea

 

in all honesty it worked for me once in the past but i had to wait 5-6 months or something

 

it still feels like a bad idea

[Ariel85]

NC isn't a technique to get someone back. It's for you to heal.

[OptomisticGirl]

^^^Yep. Never use NC to get an ex back, it's to take time for you to heal and move on, clear your head.

[SemperRogue]

Heal first, re-connecting a possible benefit. Groveling and whining is a technique as well but you have to make that call.

[Tanzi]

Going into NC isn't going to automatically bring an ex back and it isn't meant to be used as a tool to do so but it nevertheless stands to reason that accepting the situation with dignity and looking like you are moving on will work much more in your favour than pleading, begging, crying etc which will only serve to push them even further away. Please bear in mind though that an ex will only come back if it is what they want and nothing you do will change their minds if they truly are ready to move on. NC does help however in the healing process and allowing oneself to really move on.

[serendipity28]

I wish I knew the answer to this question, I think we all wish.

 

Well, in my opinion the nc thing depends on how you do it and how much love was envolved.

 

First you should do the nc to yourself, like everybody tells you in this forum, not to make him come back. It´s easier if you think that you re chosing not to talk to him cause that during the time he´s with his mind god knows where, would hurt your feelings..So this is your choice, a healthy one

 

Second, if it was a real relationship with proper "i love you´s", making efforts for each other and being happy together I am almost 100% sure you just won´t fade from the other persons heart, even though they chose to break up, there are always other reasons more than loving someone to leave them. "sometimes love it´s not enough". But what I meant is, if itreally was special i strongly believe that nc will help the other to remember the good things you had together, miss them and probably get in contact. It can be just to cath up though. And by that time it will be up to you to make another wise choice, let him be in your life or continue to move on in another direction.

 

So think of your wellbeing, they were selfish you should be a little bit too.

 

Good luck, we re all in the same boat!

[Missfloss]

In my case No Contact definitely did not bring my ex back, as you will hear on here it's for you to heal and although I am in a waaaay better place than 18 months ago (I was a total wreck back then!!). I now realise that I am 'out of sight - out of mind'. My ex has never looked back, he's never once been in touch and most definitely hasn't missed me! It's taken me soooo long to get rid of the pain inside my heart but honestly I wished I had moved on/detached myself from the relationship as quickly as he did because I truly believe if I would have been in a better place sooner rather than later, I may have had an opportunity of reuniting with the love of my life (usually find the moment you're in a happy place within yourself/with life - they reappear!)

Unfortunately, I let 'The One' slip away and lost him to someone else! I doubt I will ever see him again to be honest... But I've got to move on - it's time for out with the old and in with the new!

[LeeRoy6071]

NC is definitely helpful in healing oneself. An ex missing you as a result of the NC is (as the others have pointed out) just a by product of this.

 

I agree with -Blue and Serendipity that if there was a genuine love between the two people, working on yourself to improve shortcomings in a relationship is the best thing you can do while in NC. Some folks say NC doesn't work, but I wonder if it's because they really took the time to work on themselves and take ownership for their part in the relationship. It takes two to tango, so a breakup involves short comings on both sides. Recognizing your own issues/concerns in a relationship and then working on them makes NC effective (versus using NC as some sort of 'waiting tool.'). After all, if you don't improve things, it's pointless to come back to a broken relationship.

 

NC I believe has a good chance of offering a 2nd opportunity with a loved one in the future. The 'spark' never goes away completely, though it may fade for a while.

 

Cheers,

LR

[Tanzi]

Some folks say NC doesn't work, but I wonder if it's because they really took the time to work on themselves and take ownership for their part in the relationship.

 

Its because they are missing the point of NC entirely. They are referring to the fact that NC has NOT brought their ex back. Had they used it as a way of letting go and moving on and indeed work on themselves, and providing they have given themselves sufficient amount of time, then they would see that NC does work. We all move on eventually. As to how long it takes us depends on how long it takes us to accept the situation and to let go.

 

I'm not denying that NC can't play a part in some reconciliations ... BUT .... there would still need to be some feelings on the ex's part that perhaps have been lost or are hidden underneath other issues that have become dominant in the relationship. If that is the case, then time-out from the arguing and the negativity surrounding the relationship can give them the space to calm down and enable them to see what they truly want.