What is reasonable notice. Would you still go to this?

[miie]

If your partner asked you to go to dinner, what sort of time frame of notice would you want?

 

Mine asked me the day before the dinner. I said i'd go etc and also asked him what time and where. I didn't get a reply. The day of the dinner, still no reply and in the early afternoon i asked him again, to no reply. He finally texted me at 5pm, telling me the dinner is at 6pm and the location. This wasn't a dinner with just me and him, it was with his family. He also wanted me to pick him up on the way to the place, which will take at least 30 mins.

 

Would you still go?

 

Its amazing, as he once told me that i didn't give him enough notice to do something. I asked him 3 days prior to the day. And that wasn't enough notice.

[SicFounder]

I'd still go, seeing that you already said yes, but I'd make it clear (when alone) that you need more notice than an hour.

[catfeeder]

How invested are you in this guy?

 

If this was someone I was crazy about and clearly wanted in my life, I'd pull it off. I'd be fabulous and charming, and I'd make it a wonderful time. After that, I'd invest in getting my need for communication met--by communicating that I need it.

 

However, if this was some guy I was on the fence about, I'd consider this my decision-maker and bail. I'd offer him the same treatment he gave me, and I'd fail to respond.

 

Your call, and I hope you'll let us know how this plays out.

[miie]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I ended up going and it was a good night. I tried not to let it get to me to put me in a bad mood! I didn't get a chance to speak to him about it tho at the time or after.

 

We've been together for close to 2 years soon. So, im pretty invested!

[BriarRose]

If I was already in a relationship with someone, I usually don't mind spur of the moment things. But in early dating stages, I want at least 2-3 days.

[orchidrose]

I would probably go, but it would definitely necessitate a conversation afterward. I've struggled with this in the past - I'm a natural planner, and I feel best when I can look at my calendar for the upcoming week and know what I'm doing everyday, but I tend to be attracted to guys who prefer to throw things together last minute. Is this something that your partner does regularly? I definitely think it's worth communicating to him that you prefer to have a few days advance notice, if at all possible.

[miie]

unfortunately it is something he does a lot. It doesn't even have to be a few days! I would have liked to have known more than an hour before! (even if he told me at lunch time!) I find that im just waiting around all day, not starting anything or doing anything just incase and i end up wasting the day. We had something else planned recently, i told him a time etc and it was discussed the following day too. I checked with him to make sure he was still coming at that time. The time he was suposed to show up, he said he 'forgot' and got busy and will be late. He showed up 90 minutes late. If i make plans with him, i just dont 'forget' that im seeing him.

[1guygirl]

people only treat you with disrespect if you let them... it seems he can give you little notice cos you always pull it out the bag, make it and attend or wait around. if he doesnt respond then make new plans elsewhere...

[orchidrose]

I find that im just waiting around all day, not starting anything or doing anything just incase and i end up wasting the day.

 

This is one thing that YOU can stop doing. This sends a message to him that it's okay to give you short notice, because you're wasting your entire day just waiting for him to get in touch. Make your own plans. Don't be waiting around for him. If he does contact you to do something, just tell him you made plans because you didn't think you guys were getting together.

 

That said, you should definitely discuss it with him in addition to doing that.

[miie]

This is one thing that YOU can stop doing. This sends a message to him that it's okay to give you short notice, because you're wasting your entire day just waiting for him to get in touch. Make your own plans. Don't be waiting around for him. If he does contact you to do something, just tell him you made plans because you didn't think you guys were getting together.

 

That said, you should definitely discuss it with him in addition to doing that.

 

Very true. And i do know i need to stop doing it too!. I have previously made plans one night with a friend, on a night we never catch up, and of course that day he ends up asking me to go out to dinner. I say i cant. He gets mad, stroppy and uses the f word. Although i can't be exactly sure if he was just playing it up or actually felt that way, i still dont want that reaction!.

[Lonewing]

He's bad at something and he needs work with it. He can be trained - or made better. He has to want to, and you have to be supportive but not too domineering or complacent. But then, I believe everything is possible - even if things sometimes speak opposite.

[SemperRogue]

Yeah I did that once or sixty million times. Part of my CRS but she squared me away now I give excellent notice.

[geekgirl4]

Whaa? He swore and got mad when you couldn't go even though it was HIS fault? I agree with the others that you should stop waiting around for him, but I think you need to also sit down and have a serious talk with him about his penchant for never letting you know ahead of time and his double standards. I don't like his reaction at all... And it's disrespectful to not get back to someone about an event.