Did my mom scare me out of my engagement?

[zmanks]

Hi

 

I'm a 26yo male and my engagement to my 31yo girlfriend just ended on this past Saturday night. Our relationship moved very quickly but we were and still are very much in love with each other. The only issue that has stuck with me has been the fact that she's a single mother with a daughter that I care very deeply for and love spending time with. But I never in my past expected myself to be in a relationship with someone with a child and it's just been some adjusting and now I'm happy to have her in my life.

 

The day I went to pick up the engagement ring I called my mom to telll her my good news. Shortly after she married my father my oldest sibling was moving back in from returning from the Army. But all of a sudden she went on forever about all the complications she had with my dad about having my brother. I tried to just blow the things she said off cause I was ready to deal with things as the time came in my relationship. But later on in the day I started thinking about all the things that she had said cause it was stuff that I had never expected to think about in the first place.

 

So I gave my girlfriend the ring but all the while for the whole month while we've been engaged I've been thinking about all this stuff my mother threw at me. So Friday night laying in bed with her I wanted to somehow talk about these new fears I had. But it came down to her believing that being with her isn't what I really wanted when deep down inside it really is. I just don't know how to overcome these things that have been invading my head for the past month.

 

I didn't tell her because I didn't want her relationship with my mother to suffer but I don't know what else to do? This is a text my ex sent me yesterday about how she sees my feelings.

"This is how I look at it; u love me u want to be with me because u love me. U want to do what is right for me because u love me. I get it. But then u have a feeling in u every now and again and u don't like it or know what to do with it. We don't have to be together because u love me."

 

Do I tell her what happened to me this past month or do I just bite the bullet and stay apart? Do I tell my mother? I don't want her to feel guilty.

[Stay_home]

You need to ask yourself what is it that you want and not neccessarily what your Mother wants. You need to do what is right for you. Up until your Mother had the talk with you, your relationship was fine. Now, it's ok to be nervous prior to marriage while engaged; that's natural butterfly stuff. But there should be no doubt that you're in love and you want to be with her. Not just as a friend, but as a partner in crime. If that's not how you feel, than you might not be ready to get married yet. Personally, I think you need to do what's in your heart and not what is coming from somebody elses. After all, this is your relationship, your woman and you are going to be the one to have to spend the rest of your life with her.

[Zoey]

just reading the text, i do like your girl's maturity.

you need to ask yourself that deep down, do you want this? it's not really about your mom or about your girl, it's about you.

there are things in your life you can let them slide by but there are things you need to fight for them. ask yourself if she and her child are something you will fight for.

personally, i think if you can spend your time with the people you love and like the time being with them, it's all what matters. nothing else.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think your mom gave you some serious food for thought about the realities of taking on someone else's child. If this relationship went very quickly to the engagement stage (I saw a thread of yours from April where it seems clear that you had not started seeing this woman) then I think it was a good thing that your mother put in her two sense to get your more grounded about the realities rather than just the romantic part of the relationship. I don't understand why this has to be engagement or nothing. Why not spend more time as bf/gf getting to know each other. Sounds like the engagement was too rushed before you had a chance to really think about the realities of marriage. There should be no hurry to get married since you haven't been together that long.

[longdist]

I think your mom gave you some serious food for thought about the realities of taking on someone else's child. If this relationship went very quickly to the engagement stage (I saw a thread of yours from April where it seems clear that you had not started seeing this woman) then I think it was a good thing that your mother put in her two sense to get your more grounded about the realities rather than just the romantic part of the relationship. I don't understand why this has to be engagement or nothing. Why not spend more time as bf/gf getting to know each other. Sounds like the engagement was too rushed before you had a chance to really think about the realities of marriage. There should be no hurry to get married since you haven't been together that long.

 

Sound advice. Communicating your concerns to your girlfriend may also be helpful. I don't think she would resent your mother (not that I know her). She seems to have a solid head on her shoulders and would understand that your mother is just trying to look out for your best interests. I think most of us that are reasonable people can understand the concerns of a boyfriend or girlfriend's parents. There is no harm in taking a step back. Marriage is forever (at least theoretically) and there is no need to rush into it.