just some questions

[Amannamederic]

im not some crazy guy who is just losing it after i got dumped...even though i probably have a right to be lol. I'm 16 years old...17 in about a month and ive been with the same girl for 2 years. There were problems with our relationship yeah but im not the kind of guy who gives up easily, i was in love with the girl and spent alot of time trying to make her happy but she seemed to love me one day...and not want anything to do with me the next. Call me submissive but i loved that sort of thing the most about her, she wasnt concerned with sex at all which was also fine because i thought it took away unnecessary pressure (im a virgin and plan on staying that way until im positive ive found the right girl) anyway, lately shes turning into a...well..."open" girl, shes meeting alot of new guys and then spending the night with them...not having sex but wow shes close. I tried to tell her shes changing for the worse and that this isnt how she used to be but she just tells me to shut up and deal with it because we are never going to get back together, that hurts yeah...it hurts alot but i dont want to force anything on her because she hates longer relationships and im the opposite i love committment and if a girl really makes me feel good i let her know, which i guess is sort of annoying according to her anyway i need help because rather then sit around and be depressed i want to meet new people and hang out...problem is i dont really know how to talk to girls anymore lol i have that stupid problem where you cook things up in your head that are perfect, but then when it comes time to say them you forget each word and have to make it up on the go. Since this is my first post im just looking for replies on what people think i should do, should i just wait and see if she'll come back? or do i try to meet someone alot better (trust me its not that difficult she must have dumped me a million times and made fun of me to the extreme) this is really long so any help anybody can offer is great, thanks.

 

-Eric

[lillady898]

I wouldn't wait... especially for that particular girl. You can find better.

 

As for the being able to talk to girls. Don't even think about it. The more planning and stuff you do, the worse it'll be. And it probably wouldn't be too much fun wondering if you said all the right things, now would it? Just have fun and be friendly.

[Francis]

O.K. You've been with her for two years + You want to keep your virginity for Ms Right + You did not have sex with her = Wouldn't that mean that she is not Ms Right? May be that has been the way she has interpreted your actions and now she is reacting by being promiscuous.

[flea]

Hi, Eric, you are so sweet. Im in love with you!

 

Why arent guys like you around where I live? This is the sweetest most sincere post I have yet read.

 

Well, I am a few years older, and have some experience with relationships and extended experience with break ups and coming back and running away and coming back and again and again and again again..

 

I dont want to sound rude, or offend anybody, so please know my intention is to help you clear this; I think she just aint worth you. It happens to women alot when they are treated too nicely by men.... I should know.. Im a woman myself and sometimes I must admit, I need a strict daddy who will keep me tamed. But not too tamed of course. Just a little bit, so I will know a strong man is standing up for me and Im his lil gal.

 

Whichever relationship I been in, I never forced anything and let things flow the way they are supposed to (which is probably why giving up the control always left me dumped and suffering). Im a believer and I know there are things that were meant to happen and will, no matter what. Particularly relationships. Dyfunctional people who play abusive mind games and never appreciate their partner are not worth wasting time on. Go out into the world and I am sure if you keep the intention to find the right girl for you; you will eventually. And she will be worth waiting for.

 

One piece of advice: dont "exchange" yourself. Meaning, if you see the girl aint good enough, just walk away. Dont stay with her just because there is nobody else better. You cannot teach a person to respect, love or appreciate you. Its either there; or its not. No third's.

 

From the way I see you and feel what you're saying is she is abusing you honey. Your feelings in particular. definitely depreciates them.

She moved on with her life and chose her path. Now you choose yours: dwell on her and waste your beautiful personality on a worthless object; or move on and find the right person for yourself, who will reciprocate your feelings and make you happy.

 

 

Just believe.

I send you love.

[Amannamederic]

wow your posts actually make alot of sense...and i had no idea id be responded to so early. I dont think youd be so happy with a person of my personality though flea lol unless your as into committment as i am which is sort of rare...usually it starts out great and then just falls apart lol. I can honestly say that i thought she was the right person for me to give myself to for the first time but i decided to wait and make sure things were solid enough to make a decision like that (as you know she dumped me alot ridiculed etc. most of it just makes me laugh) i agree though that not waiting probably would be the best route for me to take this time. Getting the kind of responses i did that helped me out so much makes me feel alot better and ill keep you all updated on what she does...or what i do because who knows? its been two years since ive paid attention to any other girl, who knows who might be paying attention to me?

[Francis]

The fact that you waited too long does not mean that you should go for it right away now. Your attitude, namely the fact that you waited to have sex, is an excellent attitude, since people should be more careful before initiating sexual relationships : they should get to know the person very well because once you start having sex, you can get attached to the person very easily.

 

In fact, research has shown that every time you have sex, you release some hormones that make you attach to the person emotionally, regardless of who the person is.

 

However, here you waited too long and all the way you sent this girl the message that she was not good enough for you. She actually was committed to you for two years, that means that she WANTS committment. The problem is that you hurt her so much now, that she went into a regressive state (this is what happens when people get very hurt) and she is acting out of character.

 

If you loved her so much, I find it difficult to see how you could forget her so soon and try to move on.

[Amannamederic]

im not trying to forget her per-say...im trying hard to just give her the space she said she needed...

 

in regards to me waiting too long...we talked about sex alot and the reason we never did a thing was because she says and i quote- "the reason i dont let you see me or touch me is because since im in love with you, i dont want you to be disappointed by what you see/feel" and ive always just thought of that as sort of a wall from it...since she lets other boys have their way with her lately but would hardly let me kiss her anymore....im not trying to forget her for me, im trying to forget her so that im not stuck here not wanting to have fun, not wanting to go out, not wanting to do anything because the thought of her and these other boys just tears me apart, especially when she texts/calls and tells me i shouldnt be jealous and then goes ahead and fills me in with details that hurt even more, before reminding me that shes not trying to fit me into her life anymore and that i need to find someone else to take her place.

 

-Eric

[Amannamederic]

To any who have read my posts a small update...things happen quickly:

 

Last night i forgot to turn my phone on silent and at 3 AM i wake up to a beep. Its her and she says she needs to talk to me because one of the guys she was with has been telling his friends that they had sex. I didnt want to at all, but in the end i ended up staying up with her for an hour or so and talking about it. She says how shes scared that when he denies saying it that she'll believe him and swears they havent done anything more than what they did the first time (dont think i can say it here but it was all above the waist with her shirt off...shes never let a guy see her except him and that was 2 days after she met him, which is why i was a little confused and jealous ) anyway at the end of our conversation i told her that if she wants sex eventually she'll stay with him...and if she doesnt she'll confront him and leave while she still can. To this she said, "God i dont even know what i want anymore but im sorry for waking you up, ill text you tomorow ok? i love you and thank you for talking with me."

This sounds like trouble to me...does she want to have sex with this other guy? Is she missing me already? It isnt going well trying to forget about her when she does this stuff every few days...Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

-Eric