Stilll so stuck

[im rly mad]

I've been posting on here awhile about a variety of things; girls, depression, stress, etc.

 

I still have no clue what I need to do to get out of my situation. Maybe I do know, and I lack the motivation or am refusing to take action, but I don't know how to influence myself to do that.

 

I've been absolutely desperate and crazy about girls since elementary school... I had a super active sex drive even back then and it still exists. I honestly don't feel like I give off that desperate vibe, but I guess there's no hiding it no matter what.

 

I've desperately tried to not be desperate... I've tried to enjoy other things, but I just don't even really know myself. I have been to a couple therapists that said I was depressed, I am usually thinking about suicide, but I am not usually very close to actually following through with it. My last psychologists said it was likely that I have dysthymic disorder, which I guess is possible, but I don't think there is really a way to tell.

 

I really want to be happy. I want to not care about girls and I want to love myself, but I'm so attached to the idea of being intimate with a girl that I go insane. I don't know where to go with my life.

 

"You have to find your passion..." Well that might not work or be possible. I feel like I am passionate about a lot of things, but sometimes I really question whether I love it or not, or just the idea of it. I can't figure out how to get my life in order mentally. I work and go to school and try really hard to succeed, but I don't even really have a drive. I don't know how to turn off my "looking for a partner" button.

 

What really worries me, is that if I am in fact dysthymic, doesn't that pretty much mean I'm destined to be alone? Constant depression > constantly looking > constantly repelling.

 

This is why I'm constantly drawn to suicide, because I really feel like there is no way out of feeling so bleh all the time.

[ted123]

"You have to find your passion..." your passion at this time should be working on your dysthymic, this is the only problem you need to be thinking about right now. find out as much as you can about the condition and put everything you have into working through it. after that everything else will fall into place...