How do our exes feel?

[Double D]

I think about this all the time. How can she just go on without even thinking about this hafl as much as I do. I know she dumped me but still we went through a lot together. We did so much together and now she's just dropped me like a bad habit. She's just so happy go lucky with her life right now. It's been a month. I still feel just as bad as I did the first day. We've spoken a couple of times. She says she misses me but she's doing fine. I can tell in her voice that she is doing fine. We have some stuff to take care of which we might do Sunday after church. (we met at church). Then I asked her if she wanted to go for coffe afterwards. She laughed at me but said yes. I am second guessing myself now. I don't know if I can handle seeing her. God I miss her soo much

[Mr. Good Man]

Over the years, I could only come up with three reasons why someone could move on with their life after a break up as if it never happened.

 

Reason 1:

 

They never didn't feel for you in the same way you felt for them. For example, you were in love with them. They were your everything. But they loved and cared about you. There wasn't a deep connection. This happens more than people are willing to admit

 

Reason 2:

 

They're masquerading their feelings and playing a role so they don't appear to be hurting and in pain. Millions of people do this. They don't want to appear weak or let on that they made another relationship mistake.

 

Reason 3:

 

The person just flat-out lied to you about how they felt and used you. Some people get invovled with others knowing they don't really care for them but will hold on until someone better comes along. Or worse, until they get tired of you.

 

These individuals tend to have low self-esteem and attach themselves to people. Jumping from one person to the next.

[vetgirl]

 

 

If you're not ready to see her then don't do it. It will only be more painful and confusing for you in the end. You need time to heal. And that won't happen in a month's time.

 

I'm sure she's not as happy go lucky as you think. Some people are better at hiding emotions than others. If it hurts you to hear her be so normal, than maybe you shouldn't hear from her for a while. I know what you are going through; I'm there myself. The only thing that makes me feel better sometimes is NOT thinking about it.

[TheIceman]

Trust me, shes thinking of you.

 

You cant just come out of a relationship and totally forget about your ex, she wont show it but she is most likely thinking of you.

[Aktrez]

I often wonder this same thing. I wonder if my boyfriend is really in pain, or just feeling bad that I am in pain. He looks at me with such love in his eyes sometimes.. and I just think "How can we be apart when I can TELL you love me" But, is it love?? Or is it pity!? That's one of the hardests and scariest things that I have ever had to consider.

 

He tells me all the time, don't listen to what your friends tell you... I will tell you the truth at all times.. no matter what. But, is it reallyt he truth!?

 

I know.. crazy ranting.. but... If we could only read their minds.

[deebee]

A month of NC felt like a year to me, it was an emotional pounding. Three months later I am feeling so much better as time has done its thing. But I know I am not ready to speak to her or meet, even now.

 

My ex was the type that always seemed happy-go-lucky, so I guess she would give the impression that her life was great, even if it wasn't. Of course, I too wonder if she went through what I did and if she has any regrets.

 

It would clearly cause you a great deal of anguish to meet up with her again, so don't do it. You need the distance from her to come to terms with the split. It will take as long as it needs to, but you will know when you are ready to talk to her again. But by then, you may well have met someone even more fantastic!

[lisaria]

Hey Double D,

I have wondered that so much over the past six months. How could they say they care so much and then they are the ones that hurt us more than anything else? I will never understand that.

Mr. Goodman, what you said makes a lot of sense. Those are all solid reasons why they move on so easily, but it doesn't make it any better when you are the one that's been hurt. I guess my head can say yes, I understand. But of course my heart says Whaa??

Double D, I hope things went well with you and your ex. I hope it will go how you want it, but if it doesn't go well, you know the people on Enotalone are here for you.

lisa

[Mr. Good Man]

lisaria,

 

You have hit the nail on the head. Your head understands but your heart has it's own view. And that is where all of the problems begin...with our heart.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful feeling to be "in love" and feel so strongly about another. Yet, for some reason, we are unable to let go of those feelings so easily.

 

In our mind we know it's over. But the heart keeps holding on hoping for a miralce.

 

I've learned, after many heartbreaks, that removing the emotion from the situation helps me to see things more clearly. It doesn't make it easy but at least I know what I must do in order to stay sane and avoid future problems.

 

It took me a while to get here but I love every minute of it. In the end, you must do what's best for you.

[maddcow]

I feel the same as you do. She split from me a month ago as well. From the sound of things, she seems to be taking this whole breakup like it did not affect her at all. She was very in love with me, I know that, we had problems, and she basically told me one day that she didn't think it was going to work and called it quits. From that moment on, she just continued to do what she did before we went out. Hung out online, went to school and worked. I don't know. I am here dealing with this pain on a daily basis and she just does not seem to have any of it.

 

Perhaps it's easier for her because she was dumping me and it's easier to walk away, than to be left behind. My self-esteem has been crushed through all of this, feeling rejected just really does not feel good at all.

[JT]

I can say after my 2 year relationship, being the dumper that I am very good at hiding my feelings. WE have mutual friends so I dont show any sign of weakness at all. Even though I do feel weak I dont show it. I feel weak on my own terms, I deal with it by posting here, lifting weights, and by striving to be a better person.

 

I knew she was deeply in love with me too. She's good at hiding it as well. Its seems as if the bad relationships are always the hardest to let go.

 

Good luck to you. Know that the other person is hurting as well.