lost..no other words.. just lost

[kinetic32]

i broke up with my gf of 2 years.. not getting into it, there are plenty of posts on here about it.

 

i was fine for a month was moving on was feeling great.. I stood up for myself and was full o power and energy.

 

she text me hi 4 days ago and.. it just made everything come back. we had like 4 texts after that just simple chit chat. then she just stopped talking to me again..I asked her why she contacted me. what does she want. what was the point of contacting me.. she has not replied.

 

I have been talking to a few girls.. i have now ended talk with all of them... i dont want anything to do wth them just not ready.

 

i just sent my ex a text stating how that made me feel. and how i dont want to go through it any more. i told her that if she has anything to say to do so now. and if she doesnt then i dont want to hear from her anymore. i told her i need to move on.

 

and now its all hit me.. its for real!

I live in a small town.. there are no girls here. there are no jobs anywhere.. so its hard to move anywhere to start over.

 

I hate being single.. ive never been single.. there has always been someone.

 

I dont know what to do or think. im going to be 30 in a month.. I want to have a family by now.. a kid at least.. evrything just isnt how i want it to be. I dont know what to do. Im just lost. angry, hurt, my emotions are just way out of control. Im hatefull with raging eyes. and sad.. and alone. i havent had a sober moment in 3 days.

[Staple]

So you dumped your girl and now that you realized its going to take you ages to find someone else, you're regretting it. Honestly you got exactly what you wanted.

[lia86]

Kinetic, it's okay. I'm in the same situation. I'm a little older than you and thought I'd have a family by now too. Don't worry, we still have lots of time.

 

Sometimes I hate being single too. I've had a relationship for the most part for a long time too. But you've gotta insert at least some brief intervals in between relationships, otherwise we don't learn anything. It's gotta have a little time to sink in for us to really learn from it.

 

I don't know about you, but I couldn't get into another relationship right now if I wanted. I am just not attracted to anyone right now and feel like I will never meet anyone who comes close to what we had anyway. For the moment I am just accepting this. Maybe in several months I will try an online dating site or something, but I know for sure that I don't want my "thirties" or my pain to make any rash decisions for me, and I don't even want to bother with a guy unless I am head over heels in love. So I have been accepting the fact that I may have to be single for a while. Possibly even for the rest of my life, which I know is unrealistic, but it's just not worth it if you're not with the right person.

[shellieback]

I feel exactly the same - I broke up with him after 2.5 yrs, it really was the best thing to do for both of us - I know that, and after 2 months I felt fantastic, then I had a few quite normal problems (the fridge freezer broke, the next day the roof started leaking and my bedroom was ruin etc etc and for some reason it made me feel I needed my ex, so I contacted him, begged him in fact to come back and told him that I missed and loved him deeply, (i didn't tell him about the problems btw, just that i needed him) and I really felt that I did, that I had made a very big mistake.

He told me that he didn't love me, it was over and to stop contacting him.

I was deverstated and couldn't eat, sleep, function pretty much for about 2 weeks...it gets easier with time...that was about 6 weeks ago, all moving on slowely but ok, then I found out on Wednesday 12th (2 days ago) via facebook that he is now in a relationship with someone who lives just around the corner from me - I am absolutely devestated all over again - all I can think about is; is he there now / are they having sex / wonder if they are going to cinema / for a meal / is he in th elust phase etc etc- the intimacy side between them is really making me crazy - I knew it was coming so I don't know why I am so upset, it was me who asked him to leave and it has been months, however I just want to curl up and die right now...I am trying to keep everything under control and I don't want to ... I know I don't need a man to make me complete but I miss him...is it possible I still love him or have a i just lost control of the situation and can't deal with it??

Im also paranoid that I will see them out and about, what will I do then??