Complications of foreplay with my GF

[TinSoldier]

Alright now here is the situation. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 5 months and we are 20, 19. So we've been lingering in the realm of sexual activity for a while but without hitting a home run if you get my meaning. Now when I go down on her I know what I am doing and she seems to be getting her kicks but it is a different story with me which has created somewhat of a problem. Whenever she gives me head or works with her hands it takes forever to build me up to a point where lets say "boom goes the dynamite." Thing is I have never gotten to that point with her, most times I just take charge and get to that point myself. She brought it up afterwards how she's upset she cannot do that herself. Now let me just say that she's drop dead gorgeous and hot like as a skillet grilling a juicy steak. So I am definitely hard but like I said its just not all there. A great girl who I love and that turns me on but then this? So is it common or just me?

[_Asti_]

Do you talk her through it? Can you give her pointers?

You are the master of your penis, if she's having some troubles, help her out man! You stepping in and taking over isn't helping her out any, do you tell her to go faster, to grip harder, to focus on the head, whatever it is that will get you there?

 

The frist few times I attempted oral, he would eventually finish himself off...but with time and help from him I got it there. But it was from him being vocal, saying he was close, keep doing what you're doing, etc etc.

 

Communicate. If it's not during the moment, talk to her after.

[generaldiscord]

I agree with the above. She wants to please you, so let her know what you need "a little harder", "not so much" and "yes, just right" should do the trick!

[WockaWocka]

Yep. Another good technique is positive reinforcement. If/when she does something you like, you can ooh and aah and tell her she's got the right spot and hope she keeps it up. You can also see if she'd finish you off with her hand at the end.

 

If you feel too much like a backseat driver in the moment then afterward you can also give her a few pointers for next time, as long as you are patient and positive it should be fine. Hopefully it's important to her to please you.

 

P.S. Asti, LOL on "you are the master of your penis.".

[TinSoldier]

Thanks girls I'm surprised to get a lot of female opinions here. Also for Asit's remark I couldn't help but laugh as soon as I saw your comment

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'd show her how you like to be touched.

 

Is she enthusiastic about going down on you? If so, all she needs is some guidance, positive reinforcement, and practice.

[_Asti_]

Well its true guys! It helps when the person who knows it best teaches it!

 

Something that also helped us in the beginning was him holding off on masturbating. He was very rough with himself and there was no way I could mimick the same intensity and strength and endurance that he uses on himself, so in a way he almost retrained himself by pretty much stopping masturbating and only engaging in sexual stimulation with me...and taught himself to respond to me, not vice versa. He let his body get some sensitivity back, and let himself go absolutely crazy with the urge for an orgasm, that any touch from me would send him over the moon.

 

It just took communication and playing around. Now I have no problems whatsoever.

[KG]

When you masturbate, is there a particular fantasy you use? Maybe close your eyes, use that fantasy as she's going down on you. I had to do this a few times with my G/F, till I got used to her technique, and it works.

 

As the above had said, give her verbal clues.

[TinSoldier]

Asti that is a good idea and will try to work on not working at it until we get together

 

As for yours KG I did try to think but it didn't work. Maybe its just because we are new to doing this together cause were so close yet and this is breaking a whole new barrier for us

[ibu]

I've had a guy who loved blowjobs but he couldn't orgasm from them. Not a big deal...I happily finished him off with my hand or let him do it himself. I certainly was not upset that I couldn't do it. Every guy is different.

[greywolf]

Has anyone been able to get you off before? Maybe you're having trouble relaxing.

[TinSoldier]

Well I've always loved getting HJs and BJs before with no doubt being hard but getting off as in building up to orgasm no. Regular sex of course but for some reason I never was able to get all the way there with someone else doing it for me. I did notice when we were fooling around I was taking a while and thought too much about it which might have made it worse. So yeah your right I might have a problem with being able to relax and enjoy the whole thing

[ibu]

Maybe it's because a mouth on your penis feels a lot different than penetrating a girl. The guy I had said it might have been because of that.

He and I talked about it, about why he couldn't come from oral alone. And I asked him plenty of times to give me directions and to tell me when something was good, or when I shouldn't do something. He didn't think it had something to do with being able to relax or not. We were together for a good couple of years, so I doubt he was still not able to relax as he knew me pretty well.

I started with oral, and usually he would be able to come when I finished him off with my hand or if he finished himself. Or I would start by oral, and have penetrative sex afterwards, so there was no need for him to come from oral already. Anyway, like I said, I never minded that he didn't come from oral, and neither did he.

Talk to your girlfriend. I'm sure she understands. She doesn't have to be sad she can't do it for you. Like I said, every guy is different.