I am pregnant with my ex-boyfriends best friend.......

[Felicity25]

Hi, this week I found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant.... I am not in a serious relationship.... I have been sleeping with the same guy for the past 3 months and it was not planned obviously. The problem is that I broke up with my long term boyfriend 6 months ago and the guy that I have been sleeping with for the past 3 months is my ex-boyfriends best friend. No body knows that we are together....

I think I have made my decision to not have the baby as it would just hurt to many people and I have taken a job in England and am planning to move there in December. But my delemer is do I tell the father of this baby that I am pregnant...???

I am just very confused and upset at the moment and just dont know what to do.

[Mar]

Well, that's a tough question, obviously.....what do you think the father would say? If he wanted it, would you be willing to keep it? That'd be your biggest challenge right there. Because if you DON'T, then the relationship might very well be over. And you should NOT, NOT NOT base your decision in this on that one thing!!!

 

You have to take in all the factors....the fact that this is a lifetime responsibility, not something you can put on a shelf when you're tired of it. And I'm guessing that you've already realized this in that you want to terminate it. If you can't afford it/aren't emotionally ready for it/couldn't care for it properly, then so be it, and your decision is the right one. Again, this is a touchy subject for many people, and you're going to find many differing answers.

 

Don't let anyone sway you from what you feel is right, bottom line. You're the one ultimately responsible for this child. If you can face giving it up for adoption, I'd suggest doing that first. If you can't, you have to do what's right for you, never mind others' opinions on it. (Sorry, folks, but it's the truth!) And yes, you may catch flack for whatever your decision might be-but the bottom line is, it's your life and the welfare of this child-to-be, and if you're certain you can care for neither in any capacity, then you need to do what you feel is right.

 

Mar

[Val_76]

You seem pretty sure about not keeping that foetus and you seem to have a strong spirit. Not telling the progenitor would be the good thing. I know thats what I would prefer if I was in the place of your partner.

 

Don't tell your partner you're pregnant and that you're planning on an abortion, except of course if you need help going through this, but then again, he might not be the one you should choose to accompany you.

 

The fact that he'll never know about it won't put him in the moral position of having to choose to keep it or to have it with you and it won't put more stress on your shoulders. You don't know his feelings on the subject. We men tend to think that we have a veto right in the process of choosing to have a child or not, which is not the case most of the time. If you don't want him to have a part in the abortion process, then just don't tell him.

[Felicity25]

The hardest part of this decision is aborting.... I am 26 years old and it is not as if I am 17 but as you have both said, I need to be sure that I am making the right choice. There is no way that I would be able to adopt, I would get way too attached carrying the baby for 9 months.

I am good friends with the father and see him every weekend and I am worried that if we are out together and I get emotional then I may tell him about it after I have gone through with my decision of aborting and I know that he would be more angry about that. I know that he would support me through this but I just dont want him to think badly of me for this happening... do you know what I mean?

[STARSHINE42]

Hello Felicity*25

Well honestly I think you need to tell the father regardless if you choose to keep it or not. It wouldn't be right not to. Imagine if it were the other way around!? Wouldn't you want to know. Just sit him down tell him the situation. hopefully everything works out.

[avman]

Sorry but I must disagree with the others and say that the father has a right to know. While I respect that the ultimate decision about whether to keep the baby or not is yours to make I think you have a moral obligation to inform the father.

 

What if the father told you that he would raise the baby? Maybe that would change your ultimate decision. And if he's the great guy you say he is - then why would he think badly of you for this happening? Its something you both did together. So its also something you should face together and decide together.

 

Please let the father be a part of this decision. What if he found out years later that you were once pregnant with his child and aborted it - but never told him? That would be absolutely devastating to him.

 

avman

[Val_76]

You're not sure about the abortion? Well this is an unplanned pregnancy with a boyfriend you want to keep in the closet and you plan to move in another country. You've been going out with him for a full 3 month even if obviously knew him from before and you don't seem to plan to stay with him if you're planning to move away in another country. You seemed pretty sure you wanted an abortion in your first post but now you don't seem so sure...

 

Ultimatly you really need to think about your situation and visualise yourself in the future with a child. That could mean the end of your dreams and career as you see it now or the beginning of a wonderfull family. Maybe that was what you were looking for and maybe the partner you're with right now will make a wonderfull father and a loving husband even if for now he's just a good friend, only you know the answer to that. Think that there are chances that you might need to raise it alone in the future. It might happen.

 

If you decide on the abortion then don't tell him and move on with your life. Once its done its not that bad. If you want to keep it then tell him and see what his reaction is... Bad timing can ruin a life full of dreams. Think about it, an unwanted child with a partner that only wanted to have fun with you might not give to your childrens the kind of life you wanted to give them, especially if the father bails out after some time because he felt trapped. Like I said tell the father of this child only if you need help going through the abortion process, if not keep it for yourself.

 

Ultimatly the decision is yours and everyone is entitled to his opinion.

[Felicity25]

Sorry for being so erratic with my choices.... I am just really confused at the moment and dont know what I am feeling, I only found out at the beginning of the week....

I know this is a life choice and I think I have to agree with the fact of telling the father as he does have a right to know..... he is a decent guy and I think that maybe I do need his support..... this is all just very confusing.