It's Complicated... as always.

[EQIQ]

OK... so yeah please have patience lol.

 

I am from Brazil. Moved here about 10 years ago. My brother married a girl that we know since we were little kids, and she now lives here in Canada with him. Their marriage was 3 years ago. I am great friends with her, she is actually one of my best friends, since we were kids. At their wedding I met one of her cousins, that I became somewhat interested in. Well time passed nothing happened, but we did get each other's e-mail, and we stayed in touch all this time.

 

Well this spring we started talking more again. And in the end of June I asked what she wanted to do. Because I could clearly notice the interest from her end, and I was interested as well. So I told her that if she wanted things to go somewhere, we might as well set up some times where we could talk with webcam and get to know each other better, just on a friendly basis, and see if we like what we "see".

 

Well, turns out we did like how things went lol. We both were at vacation at the time and would talk a lot over skype and started having feelings for each other. The cool thing is we have disagreed on quite a few things, like musical taste, and other things, but we are always open, sincere and respect each other's point of view. Anyway, bottom line is, I like her, not love yet... no way too soon, need more in person (she will be coming here this winter to visit her cousin and spend time with me). And she also likes me, has said so quite a few times, and I believe her, I can notice it.

 

So the plan was for her to come here, she is coming for 1 and a half-2 months. Then we spend sometime together and decide if we really gonna do this, or give up on it.

 

But now we have a few problems. We are both on full university schedules, we both have part-time jobs on the side and are also socially active with sports, gym etc. So we end up with very little time to talk to each other. Mostly on her end, because at her university program she has classes 6 days a week. Like our schedules are really messed up. Sunday morning/afternoon I work. Sunday night (only time we can actually talk) sometimes either I or her go out. Monday-Saturday she has classes, and I do Monday to Friday. She goes to sleep early because she gets up at 6 to make it to her classes. We are on a one hour difference (later for her), which also complicates things, and yeah... its bad. Saturday afternoon she is the one that works... either way... yeah.. its bad.

 

Other problem is that she is pessimistic/fatalistic. I don't know how this works, because she is one of the most fun people I know, but is pessimistic. We haven't talked much lately because of schedule conflicts, like once in the past 3 weeks (besides e-mails). She has been really stressed with school work/tests and work. And then she told me that she is afraid of a bunch of stuff, and thinks we better not talk as much anymore. We talked about it this past Sunday, and well we agreed that she will think about it, and that we have to talk about it again.

 

She fears:

 

1) We talk more, will lead to us liking each other more, which means when our thing doesn't work she will suffer more.

 

2) If we keep talking, she will feel pressured when here. Pressured as in, my family/ her family will expect us to start dating, but we haven't decided to do so or not yet. Also pressured as in, we both would expect things to work, but if either end doesn't want it, might feel pressured, because of the time spent together.

 

3) Afraid that when here things will be really easy, I will have lots of time off of school around that time, so we will be spending lots of time together in person. Feelings will be high, and easy to decide to date. But reality will be different when she goes back to Brazil, and we will have to struggle with the distance problems, and schedule etc.

 

4) doesn't like that, that on weekends she goes out with friends "alone". That she wishes I was there to go out with her, and that she knows things would work if I lived there.

 

Pretty much she is mortified of getting hurt. And she thinks that what we have even though she likes me, in the end will not work, and we will just suffer. I think that you never know until you try.

 

I think this way, because I don't mind the time apart all that much. I don't enjoy it obviously, but in a way its a good way to keep focused on university work. And then when its summer here I can go there for a few months. When its her vacation there (end of the year) she can come here for a few months. So we won't spend all that much time apart... we can see each other abt 4 months a year.

 

Anyway. I just wish to find a way to appease her fears, so that we can keep in contact until she comes here. When we get to see each other in person, and talk things out, we will be in a better position to make a decision imo. Instead of killing things now.

 

Any ideas as to how to help her relax and stop worrying so much?