its been a year.. shld i still pin hope?

[aspect]

Had this girlfriend for 3 years...im 24.. shes 22 this year... we had a wonderful relationship... during those 3 years we did break up twice but got back together again..always shortly... so finally... the 3rd time... she left me... for another guy yet again... totally desvestated

 

its been a year... tried moving on... still miss her badly... its not as if she's a bad person.. i know she loved me alot b4 too.. just that her heart changed... i still love her alot... i miss her so much...

 

i found myself a new gf now... but still.. my brain.. my heart.. ponders over my ex much more then i can tink of my current gf... i know myself.. i really do want my ex back... what should i do...

 

the situation is like this.. my ex and her current bf.. they r really in love n intends to get married... but i obviously know this guy has a bad past n i can't allow my ex to marry such a guy... during the 1st few months of break up.. she did miss me and she came looking for me.. but still she decided not to be wif me... she chose her current bf... a year down now.. we r contacting very much less n i m losing her almost completely..

 

its strange... she can totally ignore me and discern my presense for as long as she wants... but she can suddenly call me at the most unexpected times to ask me silly questions.. and everytime she calls me.. my brain will go "..oh gosh.. shes back... i still haf a chance" .... but then she will disappear again for a long while b4 looking up for me again...

 

i really dont know if i shld wait for her... i feel that i dont love my current gf enough.. and my heart is with my ex still... i want her back.. tried no contact... tried being being good friend method..... works only for a while.. n she will not be bothered after some time..

 

i understands that her current bf doesnt like me too... he always bring me down.. but my ex will definitely stand up for me.. and they often quarrel bcoz she is protective of me... but yet.. she is more willing to listen to him to avoid me... n she really avoids me at times... whenever she calls me... it when he is out of town... and somehow.. she is always interested to know whats goin on in my life.... all these i hear from her best ger frnd.. which happens to be a good pal of mine too... pls tell me what to do.....???

 

All the way from Singapore......

[Beec]

Well, you have a tough spot.

 

I'd think you should move on emotionally, but it really does not seem you are ready to do that. Only time will help in that regard. If you are not going to give your current gf your heart, then break that off. Set her free to find a man who will.

 

In the meantime, you can do two things. Find someone you really can love. Learn what to do when you get a chance with someone you really can love.

[spun25]

ok man....you have to write this down on paper just to get the point accross.

 

1. she's contemplating marriage with her new guy

2. she's in love with him so much that she doesn't contact you even though she knows that he's wrong about you.

3. you're current girlfriend is oblivious to the fact that you're still infatuated with your ex.

 

do you see how this sounds? it's good to have a 3rd persons perspective on this and that's just what this forum is for. i think that you need to bow out gracefully in both relationships.

firstly, i'm sure that your current GF doesn't deserve to be the 2nd woman in your life right now. imagine how she would feel if she knew this? you definitely need to break it off with her and not lead her on anymore.

secondly, you need to get over your ex. it will take a lot of time, maybe more than 1 year. but you need to do it. from what you're saying, she's moved completely on. i mean, she's thinking about marrying her current BF!!! that should be a dead ringer and tell you that it's completely over between you two. sometimes we all need the bare and honest truth. and the truth hurts like hell. but let her go and move on with your life.

you shouldn't be seeing anyone else until you're content and happy with yourself.

we're all here for you when you need us. i'm not trying to upset you or anything, it's just tough love i guess.

ok, let me know how you're doing with all of this.

 

-Spun25

[aspect]

hi thanks for the advise..its sad to hear that my advise are, to move on and put aside my ex, and my current gf...

 

actuallly did contemplate breaking up with my current gf as i dont intend to drag..we discussed the topic once and she decided to let me try to to love her her more...i guess my current gf loves me quite alot... and its really hard for me to bring it up to her coz she is really a sweet nice girl and i cant bear to break her heart... sigh.. im in a fix...

 

as for my ex... many a times.. i thought i could move on.. yet in the end to find myself still tinking of her n wanting her back.... but like both of u shld... maybe i shld really just let go... shld i?... really is this the best way?... wat happens if my ex n her current bf breaks off suddenly?...

 

thanks for the advises given still.. appreciated... feel better after hearing from u guys...

[Azure13]

But you have someone that really cares about you in front of you right now and you're still pining away for the one that doesn't care anymore. Maybe its just that the grass is always greener? Something I realized is that if someone is willing to treat you right its better to be with them than someone who is causing you pain... even if for whatever reason you feel that you might love the old one.. sometimes we can all love things that are bad for us, but real love lies in things that are good for us. Just my two cents anyway. Have you given the new girl a real chance? My advice is to let go of the old one.. stop all talking with her, if thats what you feel you need to do to move on.. and at least try at your current relationship.. its only fair to her.. after all, think about it, your new g/f could very well be someone posting on here, you know? In a way you are both in the same place, caring and wanting a relationship with someone whose heart is just elsewhere. Its just wrong to be in this new relationship with someone who you say is so sweet and nice and that loves you and yet pine away for someone who is getting married to another man soon enough... ever see the movie Clerks? Just a thought, this kindof reminds of that scenario in the movie. I think you should give the new girl a try and then let her go to find someone who will treat her as she deserves if you really feel you can't give her that.. and as for the ex getting married.. for me I would take that as a huge sign that it is time to move on.. I'm sorry if that hurts but its the truth. Thats just my take on the situation anyhow.. best of luck to you.