I get accused of ignoring him! (one way for him, another for me)

[miie]

My bf doesn't always reply to texts that i send (i do have another post on a similar thing). I never expect him to reply straight away as i know he could be busy at work or something. However, it can be 5, 8, 10 hours before i get a reply. Or i may never. Quite often i dont.

 

I could send him a text Friday evening asking about something we could do Saturday. I'll get a reply at about 2pm on Saturday - with him asking me do to something and expecting me to drop what im doing (if i dont, he gets huffy). There is no notice.

 

He always gives the reasons of that he was busy, tired, its on silent, he was watching tv. He told me once that he went to bed early which is why he didn't reply to a message i sent at 6pm! (he actually went to bed at 11pm!).

 

Anyways, if i take more than 1 hour to reply to his messages, i get accused of ignoring him, or that there is soemthing wrong or asked if he has done something to piss me off! I have had that within 15 minutes of his message all because i didn't reply asap because i was at work.

 

It seems like its one way for him, he can take hours upon hours or even days to reply yet if i take more than an hour i am ignoring him and there is somethign 'wrong'.

 

Is this just sort of a man thing to do or him!! Driving me nuts.

 

I got about 3 messages of that im apparently ignoring him with in 30 mins all because i didn't reply to his message 2 hours prior. I was at work and phone was off! I never expect him to reply at work. Then i sent him a message 4 hours ago and still waiting for a reply.

 

Is he doing it for like a 'power trip' or something?

[Snowy]

Is this just sort of a man thing to do or him!! Driving me nuts.

 

Its him. I think it is because he can never be bothered to reply.

 

Sorry but, I kind of do the same. If I'm not particularly interested in someone and they keep texting me, I sometimes reply later or just completely ignore it.

 

Try calling him when you can, its much easier I reckon.

[miie]

Its him. I think it is because he can never be bothered to reply.

 

Sorry but, I kind of do the same. If I'm not particularly interested in someone and they keep texting me, I sometimes reply later or just completely ignore it.

 

Try calling him when you can, its much easier I reckon.

 

Thanks. I agree its much easier to phone but he isn't one for talking on the phone! ANd sometimes its not that important so i just text it, but it still requires a reply.

 

See i dont know if its a 'not particularly interested in someone'...we've been together for 18 months. Its more that im expect to reply to his straight away but he can take days, because its 'different' for him.

 

At my end, it comes accross that im not that important to him or a priority to reply. Not all require a reply - but some do. And no reply - its just rude. I'll offer him a lift home or offer to pick up dinner and i get NO reply. Its rude

 

While he doesn't reply he'll be on facebook a lot which he uses on his phone!

[Zombie Heart]

Pretty much every guy I know is bad about texting back in an appropriate time frame. They either mean to reply and then get distracted by something, they just don't feel like chatting, they're simply too lazy to pick up their phone, or unfortunately they're just damned rude. The fact that your guy expects you to reply immediately makes me wonder, is he selfish and inconsiderate in other ways?

 

Maybe you should try bringing it up non-confrontationally. My boyfriend and I had a bit of an issue with this recently because he's bad about texting me back when he's playing video games or watching TV. Ever since I gently brought it up and explained that it makes me feel unimportant when my texts go ignored for hours, he's made it a point to pause what he's doing and text me back. And then I give him his space which he appreciates. He didn't even realize how much it bugged me because to him, texts are just kinda idle chit-chat, whereas he always answers the phone when I call.

[miie]

Yeah. He hasn't always been like this tho. I guess it comes back to that i dont feel like a priority in any way to him. I dont feel important. Everything else is. He can barely puts any effort in seeing me and when we do its like 3 hours for an entire week! We both work, but in all honestly, we could see each other more. My work is minutes away from his house, but he never asks me to stay during the week.

 

It just makes me wonder that he doesn't check his phone to see if ive been in contact or anything. Which then leads to, does he actually even think about me at all during the day. Answer appears that he does not. I've tried to tell him but he just got all huffy and walked out saying he is busy. Im busy but i find time to reply to your messages! We dont use the phone to call each other actually. So its texts mainly, which is why it is even more obvious. I wouldn't care if we spoke on the phone as well.

 

I sort of stopped texting as much (and its never that much, maybe 1-2 a day IF that and one might be 'have a great day babe' or something nice that doens't require a reply). But i did that and then i get asked why i am being weird and distant and quite and that i haven't been in touch much. So i cant win.

[livelarge]

Have you tried saying, "When you reply to my texts in a timely fashion, I reply to yours that way." I'm usually not a * * * -for-tat person, but this case may require it. There needs to be some cause and effect for him to change his behavior.

[miie]

Have you tried saying, "When you reply to my texts in a timely fashion, I reply to yours that way." I'm usually not a * * * -for-tat person, but this case may require it. There needs to be some cause and effect for him to change his behavior.

 

Thanks. I will try that! Asking him about it has got me no where.

[LostLeo42]

It seems that he doen't want to put any effort at all into this relationship but then when he feels you slipping away a little(not responding so quick to him) he panics. There is more going on here than just laziness to reply to your texts. Did you ever hear that saying "Don't make someone a priority when they are making you an option" or something like that. Sounds like you two might have different ideas about the realtionship in general.

[EQIQ]

To me it looks like insecurity. Seems like he is scared of losing you in a way (reason why he worries when you don't reply). And on another side thinks that he might need to play a bit hard to get, so that he can gain control over the relationship again. I think both things are driven by insecurity and fear of losing you. At least that's the picture I am getting here.

 

I can be TOTALLY wrong though.. so yeah.

[miie]

It seems that he doen't want to put any effort at all into this relationship but then when he feels you slipping away a little(not responding so quick to him) he panics. There is more going on here than just laziness to reply to your texts. Did you ever hear that saying "Don't make someone a priority when they are making you an option" or something like that. Sounds like you two might have different ideas about the realtionship in general.

I have heard of that and have said something along those lines to him. He laughed. He told me he wasn't doing anything to make me feel that way and i need to figure it out.

 

To me it looks like insecurity. Seems like he is scared of losing you in a way (reason why he worries when you don't reply). And on another side thinks that he might need to play a bit hard to get, so that he can gain control over the relationship again. I think both things are driven by insecurity and fear of losing you. At least that's the picture I am getting here.

 

I can be TOTALLY wrong though.. so yeah.

 

I guess it could be. He RARELY shows that he cares or how he feels. He never says ;your min'e or hint that, or that he doesn't want to loose me or anything. He rarely says anything nice. I rarely get complimented either come to think of it. More often, he'll joke about having other girlfriends. Heck, he has even made up a name for one of them and jokes "get out of my room, Im expecting #### over". He thinks its funny but its not and then if i dont like it he is the one that acts 'angry' and goes 'it was only a joke'. I can deal with that stuff (maybe i shouldn't tho) if he made me feel secure in our relationship i guess, but he doesn't. He always says things that make me think 'what'. He always accuses me or jokes that i have other boyfriends. I dont. I never joke about it - its him who brings it up. Im starting to wonder if he brings it up purely to get me to say stuff like 'no your the only one' and reassure him ALL the time. If i do it back to him moments later he'll then say 'yeah she's coming over later'. He'll ever reassure me.

 

I've asked him about doing something tonight 4 hours ago. No reply. Wouldn't surprise me if i dont get a reply until about 6 or 7 pm (that'd be 7-8 hours after my message). And if i say no im busy he will act that i dont want to see him or that something is wrong.

[EQIQ]

Yeah. I don't know. The guy has issues. Maybe try having a talk with him and let him know how you feel, and that you would appreciate if he would open up to you and tell you why he does these things. If you don't have a face to face, I don't think this is gonna solve itself.