why does the right thing hurt like nothing else?

[kinetic32]

we found each other, we werent looking.. we were far from looking.

as we grew the days became shorter.. the smiles got bigger.

life was full! complete! i had found what i was looking for.

or was i just blinded?

 

2 years have come and gone, 2 years.. we arent moving on

not living togethor, no plans for a future.. just drifting together, in a race that just seems to have no finish line.. no way of even knowing where to go...are we even on the right path anymore?

 

the more i pay attention.. the more i come to realize. is it just me here now? there seems to be an emptiness that im not sure where it comes from.

 

why is this fighting always here.... and more importantly.. what was the last fight about?

your coming to see me again.. theres a lack of the excitement that was once there. there doesnt seem to be any smiles now.

 

the days are so long now... with no end in site.

 

the final straw came today... the day i realized you have no consideration for me.. and no respect for this relationship... that sad part it. you really do mean well.. and yet you have no idea what wrong you are doing.can I say goodbye now? your not the girl for me.. Ive taken so much abuse ... Ive given so much patience.. and done everything in my power to make you feel like a goddess.. a queen.. to try to show you what that fairy tale romance is really like. and you appreciated non of it..

 

2 days later.. did i do the right thing? could i have just done something different? is it not too late? my god what have i done..

i felt so empowered for this.. like i had control over my life.. I stood up and did what was best!!!! now i feel like i just condemned myself..

 

the bubble: encased in this... essence its not physical restraint.. im free to move? but why cant i move? I can only think of how bad it hurts. i keep thinking about how alone im doomed to be.. how I am just here.. how did I get here? I feel like i should know more about myself... and yet there is force here with me.. I start to see.. I see bodies around me.. floating as I am, they dont move... they just float there. I see a light above me.. such a bright light.. a peacefull light.. to the bottom I see red..and darkness, as soon as I look that.. I get scared.. I feel threatened. some of the bodies are becoming more clear now... where are their eyes?? what happened to their mouths?? oh my god.... a complete fear becomes me.. am I in purgatory? how did i get here? did I kill myself? Im so scared now.. is my life over? this is real! I am dead. and there is no coming back.. ill sit here in pain forever.. there is nothing i can do.

 

the last thing i remember:

Im back... why is she staring at me like that? I was about to say something.. IM back at the last fight again.. what the hell is going on? im so confused.. I look at her.. Im unhappy, I realize Im getting a second chance... will I still go back to that bubble? this time I will make the right choice.. "I cant be with you anymore"

 

there is still pain and hurting. the days are still long.. the nights are cold

the food is tasteless and drink does nothing.

 

but there is no bubble... there is no bubble.. there is only freedom.

[ny guy]

Hang in there bud. Seems like you've got a lot to give someone. You deserve to find someone who will appreciate all of that even after 30 years. Give yourself some time, let the emotions dissipate, it is quite an adjustment that has to be made.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

 

So what really happened? From what I read, sounds like you grew apart. Is that true?