So sick of it

[sonicfan287]

Hey, this is just one of those "venting" posts...

 

Basically, Im sick of trying to "change" myself or hide things about myself because it's uncool or unattractive. I know that sounds selfish of me but Im always getting the same advice from friends of mine, because I will admit, Im a dorky guy. I dress dorky, I act dorky, I make youtube videos in my free time, making an ass of myself, I make lame jokes, Im semi-obsessed with the band Maroon 5, and this is just a short list of things that apparently you're not supposed to tell or express to girls you're interested in. As much as I hate to agree with my friends, theyre right. So far all these qualities havent proven to be "date" quality.

 

I just recently got out of a relationship bc she broke up with me, told me she "lost feelings" for me. She wouldn't say why this happened but I have a feeling it's because she realized all these things about me and her friends probably gave her a hard time about dating a "dork" and she thought I was too quirky but didn't want to tell me that. I only say that because at first, I subdued my "weird" qualities, but that's just it, why do I have to? Why aren't guys like me "dateable?"

 

It's made me very unusual in the way I approach women to say the least. I either become overly shy because I'm afraid I'm going to do something that's "against the rules" or I get overly aggressive because I'm so sick of this and just want a girlfriend who accepts me the way I am, because I'd accept her. So I just go up to a girl and I'm very upfront but that scares her off too. I know I have several things to learn about the attraction department, but why can't I just find a girl who likes me for me? I know that's cliche, but I'm sick of being written off as "the friend" or "the goofy loser". Yes, Im goofy but I'm serious too and I can be a lot of things when given the chance... I just rarely get it and feel like I never will unless I change myself to look and act "cool".

[catfeeder]

Great post. You already know that when it comes to meeting women both the underwhelming and the overkill aren't working for you. So on this wide scale of extremes, why not just shoot down the middle? Be yourself, just don't browbeat anyone with a trumped up version of 'the real you' just to make a point. That's not the real you, either. It's resentment and impatience coming out sideways, and NObody wants to be around that.

 

Nobody 'owes' anybody else a date, so skip the chip and don't turn it into some story you tell yourself about getting ripped off. When you meet someone you're sincerely interested in knowing, you'll want to get to know her instead of putting on a show. When you really want to know someone, your generosity will overcome all your alter-egos. It won't be about your ego, at all.

[eatpraylove]

You be you...accept yourself on your terms, be comfortable with that, then everything else will fall into place.

 

It may take time, but I'd rather spend time doing my interests and accepting me for me then trying to fight who I am to pls someone else...in the end, it'll either come out somehow or I'll just become resentful cos I'm not living life on my terms. Its lose/lose that way.

 

Good luck.

[thejigsup]

When you find a girl who likes the things you like, you will be her perfect man. Don't change. Nerds can be quite fascinating, actually. Their minds are more fertile.

[hear_her_roar]

I'm a girl, and I'm also a complete dork.

 

I used to try and hide it, and yeah, it worked. I had lots of boyfriends. But none of them worked out and really, I ended up not liking them so much anyway due to lack of things in common.

 

Now I'm completely up-front about myself and my interests and don't hide anything. And it does weird people out, and it does scare some people away, but you know what? I'm WAY happier. It makes you realize what kind of people you want in your life, and makes you appreciate the people who love you to bits because you're so strange.

 

And really. Wouldn't you rather date another youtube video making dork than some stick in the mud? It'd be much more fun to find someone you could share at least some interests with, I think!

 

I don't think you should be so down on yourself. Frankly, you sound like someone I would find awesome, and I'm sure there are TONS of girls out there who feel the same. You may not know them yet, but they're out there! And as for your ex... if she dumped you because of your interests, she's not worth your time anyway.

[BitterNag]

as hear her roar said. Other girls would find you interesting.

 

I do. I am what you may call geekzilla. I fully sympathize about you trying to change, but don't. You're you.

[timlondon]

I think it's very easy as a guy to get hung up on girls' reactions to you. When you go up to a girl thinking "god I'm such a geek why would she want to talk to me ohmygodohmygod" it's not very easy to relax and let your personality come through. You need to realise that the girls you're talking to are just other people, and if anything it's your anxiety that is getting in the way.

 

By the way you write in a very relaxed and quite amusing style, and this coupled with the fact that you're obviously self-aware suggests that you're not really the dork you claim to be. A little bit of appreciation for your own qualities will help you loads.