My direction in life

[Moontiger]

Here is some quick background to give a (hopefully) clear understanding of the place I am in mentally right now.

 

I come from a family of four and my brothers and sister are all VERY educated (All of Masters Degrees and most have multiple B.A.s) I just recently graduated from college (B.A. in English) and have been working a retail job to pay the bills.

 

I really do not know what I want to do with my life. Unlike my brothers and sister who all seem to have a very clear cut path. I have thought about going to grad school but since I do not know what I want to do with my life yet I think that would be a waste of time.

 

I moved half way accross the country when I first got into college and have no desire to move back home. I find myself getting stressed out whenever anyone in my family asks me about my plans for the future. They mean well but all it does is frustrates me.

 

I have started pulling away from my family. Part of it is due to my frustration level and another part is a desire to have a life that is independent of them. I want to be my own person yet I am always comparing myself to my brothers and sisters. To add to this my mother has had some major health problem (see previous posts), and I have cut off nearly all contact with my friends from high school (see pervious post “Friends Wedding Fiasco” + “Friends Wedding Fiasco UPDATE”)

 

I have this overwhelming desire for something different. I don’t know how else to describe it (even though it’s very cliché). Right now I feel like I am stagnant. I live in a very small city and just do not see myself here forever.

 

I need a change in my life. I have come up with a two different option: 1) go to grad school/get another degree. 2) Move somewhere far way from where my family is as well as where I am now.

 

I was just wondering if anyone out there is going through what I am or has been where I am. What was the solution?

[sweetooth]

For me, after graduating with my B.S. last year was difficult as I too did not know what I wanted to do. I ended up looking over several grad programs and choosing one I thought would be interesting. After picking one, I did a lot of job shadowing to make sure this was something I would enjoy and see myself doing for a long time. Perhaps you could do the same, talk to people and job shadow. I hope that helps.

[Aceism]

Passion, baby. It's all about your passion.

 

Read my post in the "I'm tired of life..." thread. My parents kind of had a clear cut path for me and I decided to balk at them. I packed my bags, bought a one-way ticket to LA, lived out of friends' various abodes for a while until I could support myself. I put myself through film school and am now living happily where I am, doing what I love. And now they support me for being so bullheaded, stubborn, yet so passionate about something they now feel I'm confident enough to succeed in because I am so passionate.

 

It wasn't easy. I fought my parents for this. But I have one life. I am one soul, and I have the opportunity, why not seize it by the horns instead of languishing away thinking what could have been? That's the attitude you have to pursue. Whether it's getting your degree, moving somewhere else, doing something new, you have to make a decision and then put every fiber in your body into making that decision. I promise you won't regret it.

[Celadon]

I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life either after getting my bachelor's, so I moved to another state, worked for a year and just lived life. Then I moved back home, worked and took classes part-time at a local college to figure out what I *really* wanted to do. Eventually, I figured it out, got a master's degree and started on a career.

 

Nothing wrong with exploring your interests for awhile and working at a mindless job to survive.

 

If I were your age again, I would explore interests, travel and date. No need to rush into the "stable" life that you'll be in for the rest of your working life. I have friends who tell me they regret not traveling in their 20s. They went straight to work (or straight to grad school). Personally, I wish I'd dated more -- I was too focused on figuring out my career, so my life was a bit unbalanced.

[catfeeder]

It might help to take some pressure off yourself by considering that it makes no sense to compare yourself with anyone who's earned their success before the recession. These are historically lean times with far less opportunity for charting an ideal course than any period since the great depression. It's a time to value any job if you have one, and to strive for basic survival if you don't.

 

Understanding this in context isn't about hopelessness, it's about perspective. If you're able to pursue grad school during this time, it can serve as a bridge to an improved economy--but it also makes no sense to do that just to chin up to your siblings. It's expensive, and unless a course of study stands out for you as something you'd be passionate about exploring, it's no comfort to build debt for its own sake.

 

I'm glad some people have expressed living a shake-out time after graduating, because jumping straight into a successful job straight out of college is an exception, not the norm. Trying to position yourself geographically in a place as distant from your family as possible isn't the way to stop the discomfort of comparing yourself with them. That's something you'll need to do mentally. It's a decision. It's also a way to help yourself relate with them in noncompetitive ways.