Guidance

[cnyc456]

Hi,

 

Just have some questions that maybe you good people could answer, 3 weeks ago the best thing in my life told me she needed a break,

To make a long story short we came to the conclusion that we were going to stay together but that we needed to have some space,

Meaning not seeing each other everyday not harassing each other on were we are or going, I live for this girl and what's cool is that she thinks the same too, but it just happened to be that we have been together 5 years and we just smothered each other. I want nothing more then to be with her and she says the same, (ok, that's great you say, at least I still have her and we are working things out) but for some reason I still have that heart broken feeling and anciently inside of me, every time I see her its great, but when she leaves its like she takes a part of me with her, it kills me not to see her every day and not talk as often as before, I know things have to change but how can I change the way I feel, is there anything I can do, im just so pessimistic I wish I would see this for the great it could be, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Scout]

I understand why you're feeling anxious and concerned. Because I think you subconsciously realize something's not right here. It sounds like she's slowly trying to disengage from this relationship. Now is the key time to get some outside help. I suggest because of the length of time you've been together that you two see a relationship counselor, and find out what's really going on with her. After five years, I think it's the least your girl could do at this point.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I understand that you feel that a part of you has been shattered because of your decision with your girlfriend that was recently made, to take a "break".

 

Hmmm.... well my first question is that I'm not really understanding what it means to still be together but to take a break. Darn my black and white thinking, I hate that!!! Please explain, I'm trying to learn the gray areas of life. Does this mean that you're still supposed to be faithful to one another, but you are just taking more time apart?

 

It is understandable that you feel that empty feeling when she leaves, it is because a decision has been made to change your life from the routine it was practicing before. It is natural to feel somewhat "lost" when something like this happens. A part of you IS gone, the part that used to spend all that time with her. OK so now for the part that you don't want to hear: find a hobby, get involved in something that interests you, take a vacation, etc.... do something that you've always wanted to do but she held you back, or the relationship held you back. Perfect time for you to think about your future and what your goals in life are. Make a list of your goals and consciously make an effort each day to get closer to those goals. This is the average advice for someone who is going through a breakup but in your case you still have the luxury of seeing her. Make the most of it! Use your extra time to your advantage and she just might find herself becoming more attracted to you because you'll be more of the person you were when you met. Good luck!

[cnyc456]

Hi,

 

yes basically we are not broken up, nor are we taking a break, what she wants is to break out of the routine of us smothering each other by not seeing each other every day and not asking on what im doing and with who and she wants the same from me, but I still have the sick feeling in my gut that I cant get rid of,

[wigton]

if you really love her you need to give her some space. you said everytime she leaves a part of you leaves? that's not healthy at all. you seem too needy or insecure with yourself if that's how you really feel. you and her are two separate ppl.

and after an entire week in mexico, ppl. do need a break.

[tere]

She asks for space... give her space, but meanwhile try to focus on yourself... have fun, improve yourself... this kind of things leave your self-esteem shaken but... try to regain your confidence... be happy if needed act happy, and don't let her see you needy.

In the time being, you need to analyse the reasons for asking to take a break... what went wrong, how can it be avoided in the future... this will give you a big clue of what your relationship is missing and what can you do to prevent a breakup-

On the other hand, you mention that she "wants to break out of the routine"... When a relationship gets to be long some things start to get into routine, this routine is about activities and can become a big buster in a relationship. think about what you do now when you are together? are you doing the same activities? the point in this is to bring change in what you do so that you both can have fun... try visiting new places, doing new activities... so that she can enjoy the time spent together.

[Alec]

In any type of relationship it's always necessary for each partner to have a life of their own. The better "life" they have the more love they can give to another person. Get a hobby, start splitting your time up. Head out with friends some more, hopefully she'll do the same. With the other half of your time that you would spend together, do new things. Go new places, you know her so well i'm sure (5 years). Let me give you an example that you might comprehend:

If she has always wanted to go to location, then take her there.

If you've already done something liek that then i'm sure you can think of something else along those lines. And um, are you married, or still dating? Sorry if I didn't read your post crystal clear, if your not married then you might want to sit down and think about the future. Cheers m8.

[Kayleigh]

hey you are not the only one feeling like this i do too,i miss my bf so much but becuase we were together all the time and i mean all the time we argued alot and it fell apart,we need to wait i no its hurting so much b/c its hurting me too!If you ever need a chat PM or emil on email removed i will always be up for a chat! trust me i know how you are feeling and its not nice.You and your gf sound like you will def be back as normal soon so dont worry.xx