This is only the beginning...

[XxBury me DeepxX]

It's been four years since my mother passed away due to cancer, and one year next month since my father killed himself. But before my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, everything was great. I could even say my life was perfect... well nearly perfect. My sister got pregnant at the age of 16 and my brother was off getting stoned, My mom was staying at the hospital and was to be released when the found no more trace of the cancer. About six months later she came down with Yellow Jaundice. My life was at a stand still, 'this is almost exactly like what happened to Grandma', i kept repeating that in my head util the day they sent her home, they told us there was nothing they could do, i want to scream, i wanted to cry. Alls we could do was wait. I was 9 and about to turn 10 the next day, it was June 11, 2000. My mother had passed away in her sleep. Thats when I became extremly depressed. My dad started drinking again after being sober for 6 years, my brother moved to florida, my sister found out she was pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend, and my dad started to accuse me of being the reason why my mother passed away. I converted into a goth when i was twelve and began studying wica. after 3 years of believing that it was my fault that my mom had died, i was 13, it was august 20, 2003, my dad hung himself with fishing wire. I had a choice of living with my sister, brother or foster parents. i choose my brother. four months of living with my brother and i attempt to commit suicide by over dose. I had to spend 8 months in a psychiatric ward. two months into there and my brother goes into rehab for his heroin addiction. I just got out of the hospital a month ago and am seeing a Therapist, i have relized there are other ways to solve my probems and not the easiest is the best. and i am happy to say my brother has been clean for 6months.

But I have relized that...

This is only the beginning.

[brokenpogostick]

I'm terribly sorry to hear that you had to go through all that. It has to be horrible. Is there anything we can do to help you out in any way?

[abcd1234]

Hello XxBury me DeepxX,

 

Im so sorry to hear of the tragic events that you have had to experience. I cannot easily relate to this because i have not experienced any of these events in my own life but i know that we are all here for you when you need us, like the logo of this site says: You are not alone

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to.

abcd1234

[t-dog]

Wow, you have got to be an incredibly strong person to deal with all this at such a young age. And I think you have the right attitude. It is only the beginning. Life sometimes throws us such excruciating challenges, but life can also bring incredible happiness if you are receptive to it. You've got your whole life ahead of you to do anything you want to do. And the best part is that you are stronger than most people. Hard challenges bring strength...after this, life can only get easier. I study Wicca, too. I think it's great that you're looking toward a spiritual center for guidance. Do you meditate with tarot? I've found that tarot cards can be extremely healing. I also hope that you understand that you are not responsible for either of your parents' deaths. Your father was very angry at the world. He didn't know where to direct his anger so he turned it on his own child. I'm just so sorry that he couldn't find the resources he needed to deal with his pain.

 

I had a pretty effed-up childhood too. The only thing to do is keep looking forward. Don't dwell on the negativity of the past, but cherish the good memories. Everything's going to be fine with you. Just don't get side-tracked in self-defeating behavior.

[woobiegirl]

Let me begin by saying you are an amazing young lady! You have experienced bigger life "tests" at your fragil age than most of us will ever experience in a lifetime. It's stories like yours that snap the rest of us out of our own "feel sorry for ourselves cycles" and realize things aren't as bad as they seem.

 

I'm glad to hear you're seeing a Therapist and that your brother has been clean for 6 months. Please always stand tall and be proud of yourself for your strength and choice to move ahead...you could have given up or done much worse. You are an inspiration for all of us to savor who we are and the people close to us.

 

Welcome to e-NotAlone and we hope you're here to stay.

 

Woobiegirl Angels for you....

[mahlina]

XxBury me DeepxX,

 

I am sorry to hear about all of the pain that you went through. You are a wise, young lady for realizing that 'this is just the beginning.' I'm sorry to hear about your mother's death. Unfortunately, some people have it worse than others. Some people have things so great, that they tend to take things for granted. I can truly empathize with you. My father passed away too. I don't like to talk about how he passed away, but just wanted to let you know that I relate to how the pain feels. You will grow strong from these experiences.

 

What I can tell you is: pain is temporary. Life's not perfect. Lots of things happen that go unexplained. Some of us don't get to grow up in those 'perfect' lives. Some people have it luckier than others. But you know what? Everyone has their own fate. In the end, all of the pain that you feel, pays off. Trust me. What I can say is: You will Surivive. Pain is part of life. A life lived without pain, is a life not lived at all. Suffering is a part of the being human. It's like the concept of yin-yang. We can't have one without the other. We can't avoid it.

 

Our strengths grow from our weaknesses. In the end, it's meant to teach us lessons. We just have to be strong enough to:

#1. Face our pain.

2.) Endure it

3.) Actually 'do' something about it.

 

That's what I see that you're doing. You are actively seeking help. By sharing your story with us, you are taking initiative to find 'strength and courage' within yourself. Those traits are admirable. They just don't come out of nowhere. They stem from the lessons that we learn through experiences.

 

I am sure that your mother will look down upon from heaven, smile and be GLAD to know that she's raised a 'strong' kid. I am sure that she's listening somewhere. Your mother will always love you. She will always live in your heart forever. So will your father/brother. Try to savor those little moments of happiness. Times spent when the little things that you said to each other, that meant everything in your heart those soft spoken words, phrases, lessons, and memories that your family once shared. Cherish those memories, because that's what will help you to carry on. It's the 'faith' that resides in you, and no one else can strip it away from you.

 

Tomorrow is a 'new day,' a new beginning. Just know that you are strong for surviving all of your pain. Take that pain, and make it your driving force for your future: a new you, a stronger you. Later on, when you look back at your life, you will look back with amazement in knowing that you found the all of 'courage' within yourself to survive. It takes a 'Strong Person' to face their fears, to take initiative and actually make a positive change for themselves The pain that you feel, will only build up tensile strength for more pain that you will have to endure in the future. Hang in there. You are strong. -Mahlina

[xthe core enemyx]

I wish i had enough courage to tell people out story, Blaire. I love you sis and i never want you to change. You are so brave and have helped me cope with it all. I want to repay you back some way some how. So if you need to talk im always here

forever your sister-

Krissy

[i_hate_the_world47]

After hearing your sisters story as well as yours all i can say is that you have my best wishes.This is only the beginning and your smart enought to see that.I hope things get better.

 

Meagan