Is a year apart too long ?

[John1]

Hello

my ex g/f of 4 years and I split up over a stupid drunken kiss nearly 13 months ago... I did everything i could to get her back.. i begged, pleaded.. called her , wrote her letters.... She was my very 1st girlfriend so i was never involved in a breakup before so I reacted VERY BADLY TO THE BREAKUP.. I WOULD GET DRUNK EVERY NIGHT and then try to call her.. she eventually changed her phone number.. she moved out of home ( she was moving out anyway) so i dont know where she lives anymore..

 

well i never did NC before as it was first breakup so never knew about it ( i really wish i had) She has been very resistant in giving me a 2nd chance... she says we will not be getting back together... that i dont deserve a 2nd chance.... now we were together for 4 years.. we had a great relationship.. she was my rock.. my best friend... we would speak to each other 3-4 times a day.. in the 13 months that we have split.. i have spoken to her about 10-12 times .. the last time i saw her was 4 weeks ago... she looked beautiful as usual.. i asked her could i walk with her for a while.. she said ok... now we talked..asked how we were and any news etc.. she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo... she showed me her newly pedicured feet.. she says she thinks about me sometimes... i put my hand on her leg and she didnt ask me to remove it... but she still wont give me a 2nd chance... she says she doesnt want to hang out with me... but we still had a bit of a laugh and joke too.. like we were together for 4 years and we were on the verge of moving in together... we had plans for the future... she told me she hasnt had sex since we split up ( 13 months now ) and I am the same ( i dont know if that means anything) she says she doesnt want a b/f now and why would she take me back , she is having a great time at the moment.. she knows this hurts me...

 

I hurt her badly by kissing this other girl.. i never meant to hurt her... 13 months has passed and I still love her so much and just wondering what ye think? if there is still a chance? even to meet up at weekends for coffee would be great but she refuses that too.. i will try NC but it might be too late... the last thing i said to her 4 weeks ago b4 we said goodbye was " i bet if i kissed you right now there would be still a spark there" but i didnt as it would be disrespectful and hurtful if she rejected my kiss after all we have been through... just wondering if its too late.. its just i read a post " after 1 year and got back together again"? thanks for your time .. its much appreciated

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

It all depends on the both of you, remember it takes two to have any relationship.

 

Good luck

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[brokenpogostick]

well, i'd say that even though it was just a kiss, she is definitely scared that you may do more in the future and she doesn't want to risk getting hurt. It definitely seems as though you regret what you did & would take it back if you could, but you can't...so all you can really do is try to do and say things that reinforce the fact that you love her, she means everything to you, you're not scum, you won't ever do that again, you love her, etc. i would say that right now she's just really afraid of what might happen next if you guys got back together...apparently she takes honesty/cheating, etc very very seriously...you need to prove to her you feel the same way.

[piscesprincess]

It's a no brainer: you kiss another girl- drunk or not- while in a committed 4 year relationship & the other person is going to be hurt, angry, confused, betrayed...it was easier & better for her to just cut you out of her life.

 

I would have given you another chance. Nobody is perfect. Flesh is weak & we all make mistakes. Cheer up. Now you will think twice in your next relationship...hopefully

[Beec]

Well, let's see if I can cut to the chase: You want her back, and you want to know how to get her back.

 

Begging, pleading, etc. is not going to do it. Everytime you see her, you move in a direction that says "hey, I still want you." Not going to do it.

 

We fall in love based on a few things. We want our emotional needs fulfilled, we grow dependent on those who fulfill our needs, make us feel good, special, etc. We go for those who remain aloof and independent, are not clingy, etc. (Your begging and pleading is the opposite of this). We desire waht we cannot have or might not be able to have (Your asking to get back each time yous ee her violates this idea). We go for those that our emotions tells us to go for and explaint he rest later.

 

Make her feel special, act like you don't necessarily want or need her and you will have a much better chance.

[John1]

thanks everybody... like I try to be strong ... not show her that im desperate, and then when I see her i turn to jelly ( she still has that effect on me) and i do resort to " please give me another chance?" etc... I am trying, really trying to not do that when I see her again..

It was a "one off" mistake, I have to live with it every day... but it cant be a bed of roses for her too...

 

prior to that last time we met, and she rejected me again... 2 weeks prior to that... i was much better.. i saw her in shopping centre and saw her walking in my direction.. we just exchanged a few pleasantries, and i walked on, now it looked like she was about to stop to talk and I walked on so maybe thats why i blew it again 2 weeks after that...

All i know is that I love this girl so much and would like to be given a 2nd chance... People say its time to move on now.. even rachel said it herself.. she said i should move on as she has... but do they always mean everything they say? I dont know...

Hopefully the next time NO definitely the next time I will be stronger as i have now realised that girls dont go for the clingy, desperate guys...

Anyway thanks for the input.... What ever happens I would still like to be on friendly terms with Rachel and maybe see each other regularly without the hassle of begging or rejecting...

thanks again

John

[wigton]

john

 

the other post said it well, when we enter a relationship with someone else we do it because we, you, want to have emotional needs met. that's the keyword, needs. how can you give her what she needs if you need more? when someone has been hurt the last thing he or she is going to do is to want to give you what YOU need. it seems as though she doesn't really believe that you have changed. if you love her then respect her wishes after all that's what true love is, you are willing to sacrifice YOUR needs in order to meet her needs, at least for now.