Chelseybug Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Hey guys, im new at this... i just signed up like 5 minutes ago . Anyway, my bf has started cutting himself. right now it's more of scratching. He's only done it once, but I think it's somthing he's going to continue doing. He was suicidal before we started dating, but he's promised me that he isnt' now. We talked about it, and right now we need a way to hide it. Any sugestions? Also, he goes to counciling already, so i think that he's gonna bring it up with his counciler. I'm afraid his mom will find out and he may get put in a hospital of some sort, which would kill both of us. Please someone give me some advice! I'm terrified that he will accidentally cut wrong and really hurt himself. He told me that he knows what's safe and what's not, but he kind of looses it when he gets in a situation that he may cut himself in.... I'm terrified because I love him so much... please, someone? Love from, Chelseybug Link to comment
Hannibal Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Well in order to prevent him from cutting himself you have to find out when and where he does it and try to take away all the knives and sharp objects from that place. I had to get everything sharp out of my room in order to stop myself from cutting and so far it has worked. Don't worry right now about his mom finding out because his mom will be able to help him work through this. Why does he cut anyways, do you know? Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 He cuts because he has a lot of anger. Little things can set him off. Also, somedays he really misses his dad. His dad died 2 years ago about... I can't really explain. He told me that he couldn't feel anything at the time and he needed to feel somthing, so he cut himself. I asked him if he could explain and all he said was that it was like the best pain in the world. I can't really relate, because i DO NOT handle pain well.... im kindof a wuss. but neway.... i guess it's just a release for him. Thanks for posting so fast i really needed that. im freakin out about him right now because he's like 4 hours away ( at a relative's) and we can't talk or anything. Usually I can talk him down out of a bad mood. He said he would find a way to call me if he needed it...but im still scared. sometimes i feel pretty stupid... like i should trust him more, but i care about him so much.... love from chelseybug Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 by the way, im 14 not 34 lol. sorry... messed that one up Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 come on guys! will someone please give me some more advice? or just talk to me? or somthing? Love from, Chelseybug Link to comment
Val_76 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 The fact your bf cut himself tells you one thing, he suffer a lot inside even if he say he don't and he have a lot of anger toward himself. He thinks he's guilty of something. He also wish to escape from psychological suffering by feeling physical pain. He's not where he's going to commit suicide, cutting don't mean you want ot die, he just don't know how to take the pain he's feeling when his father died. He had to cut the root to his heart when it happened and now that he tries to find it back its handed to him in pieces. 2 years might seem long, but for a shock like this one its almost nothing. He will heal from it, its just that it will take time. Ask him if he feel guilty of the death of his father and if he explode then you'll have put your finger on something. Watch closely and when he go balistic try to remember what if was that set him off, or who... that will be a good indicator of what boiling inside of him. Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 Thank u so much. that was a lot more detailed. I was just hangin out with him yesterday, he just got back. He seemed better than usual, he was really lovey too. He smiled the whole time. I can't decide if he's feeling better or has put on his happy mask. I'm pretty sure he was wearing a happy mask cause every once in a while i'd catch him just kind of staring at the ground with that look he gets when he's upset. I asked him what was wrong, and he didn't say much. Just goofy things he was suposidly thinking of. i dunno. i think i'll just play it by ear. i dunno. thanks for the help, though Love, Chelseybug If u have any more advice, please post! Link to comment
Val_76 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 I understand you feel real bad about this, I think I can understand it. The problem you have is that if ever you put a lot of pressure on him he will turn the anger he's feeling inside toward you and you will take the blast. Don't tell anyone about this, this will be considered like a treason from your part and you will lose all his trust. Try not to make something for "his good", he obviously have issues and he's keeping a lot of things inside of him and he needs to deal with them alone. He cuts and he thinks that its the most wonderfull pain in the world because while he bleeds he just don't think about anything else. As long as it last he doesn't have to hear the small voice in his head telling him things he don't want to hear. I cut for 2 years before stopping it. Took me 10 years afterward to fully understand all the anger I had inside, who put it there and why I felt that way. I got rid of it, but I still have some issues about it after 14 years, issues I keep deep down inside... You never really fully heal from the kind of shock your boyfriend went through. Listen to him, be supportive, take him in your arms when he gets mad and just don't judge him. More importantly, he's the one with the problem, don't make it yours it would only make it bigger. Don't tell his mom either, she'll find out soon enough if she care a little about him. Scars heal with time, but once your heart is ripped apart it never fully recover. Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 Thanks, you are really helpful ! About not telling anyone, i know i shouldn't , if it were me i would feel betrayed. so yeah. Also, i don't usually bother him about it unless he brings it up, or if i can tell he's upset. He would never take any of this out on me, he is honestly a total sweetheart. But i don't push him anyway. Once when i asked him a couple questions i started feeling bad and appologized for pushing him. he said that i wasn't pushing him, and that if i ever did it would be ok because somtimes certain things need to be pushed. so yeah. thank u!!! love, chelseybug Link to comment
Hannibal Posted July 3, 2004 Share Posted July 3, 2004 Well I didn't read the entire second page of posting (cammon its 2:30 Am here right now), but I saw something in the last post about not telling anyone. You have to be very very very careful about not telling anyone. Trust me on this one, I know from experience that not telling anyone can sometimes be extremely harmful to the person cutting. It kind of pushes things under the rug so to speak and your boyfriend could potentially slip deeper into the cycle that is cutting. When I last got into cutting it started as one or two every other day, then the next thing I knew my whole arm was a mess from all the cuts on it. Sometimes intervention is needed in order to save someone from taking the cutting a little to far. As for the reason he cuts, wanting to feel pain because he feels nothing at all, you should try to help him realize that he does feel and he is just not recognizing it. I'm sure that when he's with you he is bound to feel good at some point, yet because he is in the mental state that I think he is he doesn't really realize that he is feeling something other then pain. The quicker you can make him realize this the better, because after a while the pain from cutting wont be there anymore... I hope some of this helped, PM me if you need anything else! Link to comment
Aleksey Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 well. to start, i can't say that i have been through cutting. in fact, i am cutting. heh. but,my point. much has been said. much i agree with. i think the best thing you can do, is just to be there for him. not telling anyone. well, that is somethign i thyink only youy can decide. but i wouldn't tell his parents. perhaps yours. perhaps a teacher. perhaps a counsler. IF anyone. but i don't know. however, my two cents is taht you should be there for him. personally, i can not tell you how many times i think i wouldn't have cut if i had someone talking to me... =/ as well, and i don't know if this applies to you, but find out when he cuts. for me, i feel the msot depressed at night, generally about this hour (3.30 is a bit late for me, but i had a late start last morning). so, perhaps you should call him? i dunno. my point is, try and get close to him. and stay there. really really really try to getg over whatever differences occur. it seems like he needs you the most, and doesn't have anyone else to talk to... srry for the rant.. Link to comment
Chelseybug Posted July 6, 2004 Author Share Posted July 6, 2004 thank u for the info! by the way... GIR IS SO TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! lol neway, thanks 4 the help... and as for not havin anyone to talk to, u can talk to me!! pm me or u can add me my msn addy is email removed. thanks! Link to comment
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