how does breaks work?

[notgivingup]

Hi everyone. Does anyone of you ever been on break? If so, can you guys tell me what being on break with your boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to mean? Would dating other people (holding hands, kissing, making out with them, fingering, etc.) with someone else other than your boyfriend/girlfriend during break be considered cheating? When I told my boyfriend we're on break I told him we are still together, we are just taking a break from each other. I told him I would not have sex with other guys and give them head and he is not to do the same (in terms of cheating). Our break is to end in January of next year and when we had our time to think over things or when we need to talk to each other, that is when we can talk. He asked for this break since his feelings for me aren't as strong as he would like it to be. My feelings for him are stronger than his are for me and I don't know if I can tolerate that. He is really stubborn and wants to think if he really wants to be with someone who cannot satisfy him sexually as well as he would like. I think he watches too much porn and think that people can be just like porn stars. He is like stuck between the world of porn and reality. He thinks that I can start doing things right in his eyes by satisfying him sexually (start watching more porn...even though I am against porn and thinks it is disgusting) and then he will start making an effort to be a better boyfriend or a boyfriend I expect/want him to be.

[Cheetarah]

"Breaks" are usually the precursors to breakups. In my experience and of many here.

 

If you two aren't sexually compatible, then you're not. If you don't enjoy porno and have a moral standpoint against it, DO NOT compromise that for him. He sounds mighty selfish. There are plenty of men out there in the world who will not force you to be something or act as something that you're not. You not wanting to indulge in porno viewing, for example, is NOT a valid reason not to be a good and supportive boyfriend.

 

It sounds fishy to me that he wants a 5 month break to decipher his feelings for you. Given the reason FOR this break, I can't help but wonder if he's taking it to satiate his sexual desires, despite what you've discussed.

 

Regarding cheating and breaks - I think for many, it can be a gray area. However, if you are officially broken up, technically speaking it's not cheating.

[notgivingup]

Many have told me that my boyfriend is being selfish. There are others who have also given me the advice to give porn a chance. He asked for some time to think about things between, however, ultimately, it was my idea to make the break up to be 5 months. I wanted to give both of us plenty of time to think about whether we really want to be with each other. We have a 4 year history with each other as friends and ex bf/gf. This is what we considered our one last try. As for the gray zone, I think you are right. It depends.

[newwave]

Breaks mean break ups, but not always in a bad way. I've mentioned my brother and sister in law many times but they had several breakups. They weren't nasty I hate you breaks, but rather "let's break up to concentrate on other things". They broke up when they went to college and both dated others. My brother actually had a college girlfriend he dated at school for example. They didn't think it was fair to be exclusive when in college especially since they were far away. About a year after college they moved in together allegedly as friends (I wonder about this) got engaged a year later, a year after that got married, and have now been married 10 years with a daughter. If it's meant to be it will be, and they are proof of it.

[notgivingup]

Thanks newwave for sharing that. I guess thats true. If it's meant to be it will be. We are on break and there is nothing that I could do to speed things along. You're right, I should just take baby steps and take things one day at a time and go along with the flow. No one can predict the future. Perhaps we will break up and lose contact for a while and then talk to each other again as friends and eventually get back together, or perhaps this is the end of our friendship or relationship and we will lose each other forever.

 

Breaks mean break ups, but not always in a bad way. I've mentioned my brother and sister in law many times but they had several breakups. They weren't nasty I hate you breaks, but rather "let's break up to concentrate on other things". They broke up when they went to college and both dated others. My brother actually had a college girlfriend he dated at school for example. They didn't think it was fair to be exclusive when in college especially since they were far away. About a year after college they moved in together allegedly as friends (I wonder about this) got engaged a year later, a year after that got married, and have now been married 10 years with a daughter. If it's meant to be it will be, and they are proof of it.