a set back in my struggle :'(

[LukeYLuke]

hi guys, i dont know if any of you read my post about 1 1/2 months ago, but i had a really hard break up from the lady i loved.... briefly, she cheated on me throughout the course of our relationship, and finally told me in september 2003... i was heart broken, but i wasnt to make it work. we had a great few months before she left to go travelling in february, and i was very much in love. however, doughts and paranois crept in within a few months of her being away and i started to fear the worst. it got so bad that we decided that it would be best to call it a day, and live our own lives. to me, that means develop myself, work hard and establish what i want from life. after a week, i realised, that she was so much a part of my life, the minor in fidelity we experienced could be forgiven and forgotten. then the bomb, she had been sleeping with someone else in newzealand. i guess a lot of you here know the feeling that follows news like that. uncontrollable sadness, emptiness welling up and no way to fill the void. so i began the long journey to recovery, obeying all the way the no contact rule. i boxed up all memories, cards and pictures, returned all her things like TV and sofa to her brothers house and made a clean break. i was doing ok, getting better day by day, and then the call we all hope for but dread. she called me at work. i didnt know what to say, every part of me wanted to talk, to spill my heart to her, but i just hung up. that was a week ago. i have sunk in to a pit so deep, there is no light. she consumes my thoughts and dreams. i can never get back what we lost, as much as it hurts, but i dont know where to go from here. it feels like all motor skills like talking to other human beings have shut down, and helplessness and pain are all that remain. i gave her everything i could. she loves me, i know this, but why would she throw away any hope or resolution. i guess icant see it because of my side. you always have advice and help for others, but when it is yourself, it seems like you know of no way to help yourself. i dont even know if im looking for an answer, just someone to say they understand... well, thanks if you read this, and i hope if you have a situation, you will find support and love that we all deserve. take care people.

 

luke

[brokenpogostick]

i'm definitely very sorry to hear your situation didn't turn out so good, luke...but hey, if she did it once, then did it again, she's not gonna learn. you need to try to let go and find someone that will treat you the way you should be treated...NOT CHEATING ON YOU. I'm glad that you didn't talk to her when she called you at work, she's prolly just looking to hook-up with you again because it prolly feels comfortable..then, when the right bloke comes along...BAM and she cheats on you again...sorry pal, but you need to try to dig yourself out of your pit & get on the road to finding a decent woman...they are out there!

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Luke

 

Im sorry to hear this happen to you, its a very painful experience, just remember, that the last thing you want is to cling to what caused you this pain in the first place.

 

I do not believe in " Minor Infidelity" there is no such thing, you wanted to believe it was "minor" so as to not be such a blow to you. what did she do? Being with you, and knowing she was with you, she willingly, chose a man to be with, they mad a proposal together, verbal or through body language, they set up a plan, and she chose to take her clothes of and give him pleasure. I am not trying to make you suffer more, only want you to face the reality of what cheating is, this isnt a pot hole in the road that she accidently "bumped" into. She knew what she wanted and went for it.

 

This woman does not value commitment, she does not share your values. She betrayed your trust, she is also very self centered and only thinks of herself, she wanted sexual gratification and didnt care who got hurt in the process.

 

Do not even look back, there is nothing to see.

[sutton]

Hi Luke -

 

I can relate to what you're going through. You have to move on, and realize that this chick is NOT someone you want to be around. She does not deserve you, and clearly does not know how to treat you.

 

I know its tough, but you have to move on. Believe me there is someone out there that will treat you the way you deserve!

 

Hang tough, get mad at her - don't talk to her EVER again - and know that she is a jerk and you're not.

[Hopingpraying]

Luke,

 

All I can say is the above posters are on the right track. Yes the pain you are going through at this moment hurts greatly, but would you want to go through all this again and again? I doubt it. It does not sound as if she is in a point in her life where she can settle down with a single person. So if you are then she is not the right person for you. She has hurt you badly, and I am affraid she will do it again. This pain will subside in time. I know because my "WIFE" did the same to me. We are currently going through a divorce because it is what she wanted. I still don't want to divorce her, but it is probably for the best. I gave her everything I could and it still was not enough for her. So again maybe she is not the right one for me.

 

Life goes on, Be glad the two of you are not married. Divorce is a brutal thing.

 

Good luck!!

[EatZ]

You deserve better Luke, you really do. I can tell that you're a lovely guy and a good human being, so it makes me well-up hearing the pain you're going through. The feelings are all too dear to me. I can empathise with you fully.

 

The fact that you hung up on her shows me that you respect your right to heal more than wanting to hear her out. Excellent move Luke, really... I can't congratulate you more for doing that!

 

This woman does not value commitment, she does not share your values. She betrayed your trust, she is also very self centered and only thinks of herself, she wanted sexual gratification and didnt care who got hurt in the process.

 

Do not even look back, there is nothing to see.

Words of wisdom there. My god, this is so unbelievably true, I don't think I could've said it any better myself. Great insight, especially regarding valuing commitment.

 

Gilgamesh, mind sitting on my shoulder and whispering the same paragraph in my ear all day? Awesome advice, absolutely superb...

[LukeYLuke]

Thank you all for those words, they have had a profound effect. its amazing a few strangers can lift that feeling of soclusion that i have been feeling. you know, after a break up, you look at people in the street and wonder what their story is, who they are and want to meet new people. but in my current state, it doesnt seem possible. but you guys have made me feel like the world isnt such a bad place, and there are people out there who are decent. thank you.

 

luke

 

ps, like i said, it is easy to despence advice, but so hard to administer to yourself, so i hope all of you with stuff goin on find your way.....

 

take it easy

[LukeYLuke]

hey guys, tonight, for the first time in ages, i went out! had a great night, danced and drank till 12. then i left to find my mountain bike had been stolen! not really related to my problem, but do you ever feel like the world is out to get you..... o well, things could be worse.

 

luke

[Sli]

LukeyLuke

 

Here's a couple of things I read recently...

 

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran

 

"The more difficult life has been up until now, the more joyous will be the moment when you realize you're free of that difficult past. The more things that have held you back, the more reasons you have to move forward.

 

Once you've experienced a disappointment, you're already past the hard part. And you're in a position to turn that disappointment into something valuable. You've paid the price. So step forward and reap the reward.

From every experience there is a lesson. From every person, from every situation, from every success, and especially from every disappointment, there is something to be learned."

-- Ralph Marston

 

Mate I feel what you feel. The pain has been more than I thought I could bear, I've been knocked down so many times recently it almost makes me laugh (not in an insane way...yet!! ) But you know what, I'm just gonna keep getting back up again, what else can you do? I've been happy before, I've been lucky before and the more sh*t she or life in general has thrown at me now the better it will feel when my luck and life turns around again.

 

Stay positive and strong, you did the right thing not answering her call and looking after yourself, I wasn't so strong and answered - really bad move believe me! Anyway you know what they say....."set it free, if it comes back... shoot it!" - think I read that on one of 'sutton's' posts - pissed myself laughing at the time!

 

Take care man

Sli

[LukeYLuke]

hey sli, wise words of wisdom indeed..... i know they make sense, it is having the strength to believe them at the lowest time. i know i will pull through this..... some days are ok, when there are minimal thoughts and memories, other days you end up having an argument with the person you miss to yourself, imagining all the things they might say and the things u want to scream at them. today was ok, very creative. got a lot done. and ate half a megabucket of kfc. but its is knowing that at some point, you wake up and realise you havnt thought bout that person in a while, and the pain has eased. i await that day with so much hope.

 

luke

 

[-o

[Gilgamesh]

Yes wise words. they are true.

 

but its like this, if you fall a break a leg, you "know" that it will heal, you "know" that the bone will be stronger after it mends. we know all these things, but it does not ease the pain.

 

A broken heart is the same way, the good thing about those wise words is that they do let us know that it will get better, because many of us lose hope, and think it will last forever.

 

Another thing bad about broken hearts, they seem to break in the same area, making the old wounds hurt again. I wish medicine would invent a cure for sorrow and grief.