My girlfriend took his side. Not sure what to do.

[gogol]

Hello, thank you for taking the timet to read this.

 

My problem happened about 4 weeks ago. This guy and I got into an argument and my girlfriend pretty much took his side. I'm asking for a few things in this post.:

 

1.Who do you believe is right or wrong in this situation

2.To what extent is the person wrong for being wrong (same for the other)

3.Should I bring this up with my girlfriend?

 

Okay, in order not to create any sort of bias, I'm not going to say which guy is me and which guy is the other guy. Before I start though, there's some info you should know. This all started at an after school end of the year Jr. ROTC cookout. The guy and myself are both part of Jr. ROTC. In the case that you're not fammilar with Jr. ROTC, its a no commitment Junior version of college ROTC. Anyways, most of the guys were playing football (2 hand touch), including myself. Before the game started, we all agreed that 3 forward pass completions would give a first down (due to a small field). "Al" is on team A and "Brad is on team "B". Lastly, "Brad" was recently put into position to be the unit Commanding Officer (the highest, and most influentil position in the unit) for the next year.

 

Team A was on their last down. On this they completed their 3rd completion, and received a first down. However, Brad said that one of the "completions" was a latteral and thereforeeee it wasn't a first down. This is true, however, that was only one of the downs. The other 3 were, in fact, forward passes. Al said this to Brad, however Brad started to take the ball and begin his set of downs with his team. Al, getting a bit frustrated, again said that the ball was still his teams'. He started to explain, but Brad interrupted, saying "no, one of the passes was not a forward pass". Al again tried to explain what happened to Brad, knowing that he's just confused, however he was starting to mock him. This started to anger Al and he rose his voice, saying that he's trying to say something, and that Brad should let him speak. Brad, continued to do his little mockery however. After a number of attemps to explain the situation, Al became very upset. He took a "low-blow" on Brad by saying outloud that not letting him speak was a bad quality of of a CO (Commanding Officer). This was infront of other members of the unit, including cadets who had just completed their first year. Brad didn't yell this, but most people playing the game head it. This instantly got Brads attention, and he began to raise his own voice. This made Al begin to shout at Brad and he began to use profanity. Brad did the same. Al repeated that not letting other people speak is a bad quality of a CO. Brad, told Al to talk with him to the side, away from the game. Brad began to walk and Al followed. Al is still quite mad and continues to keep his voice raised. Brad asks Al "What's the problem?" "Al replies "You wouldn't let me f*c*ing speak!" This continued for a minute or two. Al sternly asked Brad why he was being like that and Brad replied "Its Football talk". Then Brad walked away from the game and Al continued to play.

 

Okay, given that situation, who do you believe is more wrong? Brad was not letting Al speak and mocking him, but Al did "low-blow" him by saying that what he was doing wasn't a good thing for a CO to be doing (especially in front of other members of the unit who would be under his command the next year).

 

I'll keep this updated and tell you who I am and which side my girlfriend took. Thankyou very much.

 

About bringing it up. This isn't so much a deal anymore, but it still huts me that my girlfriend took the other side. I believe that the other guy was more responsible for what happened than myself. Things are going good with my girlfriend now. Its just that I'd like to get this resolved.

 

Thanks again.

[Celadon]

1.Who do you believe is right or wrong in this situation

2.To what extent is the person wrong for being wrong (same for the other)

3.Should I bring this up with my girlfriend?

 

1. Brad is evidently used to exercising his power, and he should have been more sensitive. Al lost control because he didn't feel he had any power. Both were wrong in that they behaved badly and should have taken responsibility for their own actions. At the same time, each has strengths that the other doesn't have -- Al plays fairly and will listen to people. Brad is not so fast to get angry and seems to be willing to resolve issues offline, which is good because you don't want arguments to upset others.

 

Next time, Al could use Brad's technique of talking things over on the side. Brad could learn that he can't just walk all over people. The better man will be the one who learns from this incident and improves himself.

 

2. I don't really get this question - sorry.

 

3. Since it's been four weeks and you're still a little bugged that she sided with the other guy, I'd say you should talk about it. It doesn't have to be a long talk, just let her know how you felt about what happened and why it hurt you. Tell her why it was an issue, so that she can understand where you're coming from.

[melrich]

Well this is not a case of right or wrong. Both Brad and Al acted like immature prats. One of them...i'm not sure which...simply heightened this immaturity by then worrying about the fact that his girlfriend might be just independent enough to have a view that differed from his own. She should cut her losses and walk away from either Brad or Al..preferably both...was that the question?

[gogol]

Well this is not a case of right or wrong. Both Brad and Al acted like immature prats. One of them...i'm not sure which...simply heightened this immaturity by then worrying about the fact that his girlfriend might be just independent enough to have a view that differed from his own. She should cut her losses and walk away from either Brad or Al..preferably both...was that the question?

 

This is the exact reason I am posting this. Please don't jump to comclusions. Yes, I was hurt that she had a different view than me. But I am also aware that I may be incorrect. That is why I turned here. I can get unbiased opinions to see who was more wrong. It it turns out that I was the one who is more wrong, then I'd realize that I was falsly hurt because my girlfriend didn't side with me.

 

Anyone else have anything else to add?

[EatZ]

Al and Brad were both wrong. Al resorted to profanity and raising his voice unnecessarily. Brad didn't listen and took an "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude, which as Al mentioned, is a bad trait of a CO.

 

I can remember back to informal games I had with friends where scoring was based on goodwill (i.e. no ref). Whenever there was a disagreement it was always going to be difficult to come to a decision. The team that scored was always adamant that they scored, and the team that didn't would always be adamant that the play didn't count for xyz reasons...

 

Like this, it was always a tough situation to be in, so I don't think you should invest too much more time into thinking about this anymore to be honest. Especially since it's in the past.

 

It's almost a case of agreeing to disagree really. You can't win 'em all.

 

Should you mention this to your girlfriend? Only if you feel you have to get it off your chest. Do you know WHY she sided with the other person yet? If you don't, maybe you should find that out and then finally decide to move on.

 

What's done is done. You can't change that she agreed with this other guy and not you. Dwelling on it will only continue to frustrate and upset you. Hopefully, if you do approach her about it, she won't see it as you trying to change her opinion (again).

 

Good luck.

[Celadon]

I think it's pointless to ask who was "more" wrong -- unless, of course, you're hoping someone here will tell you he was completely wrong and you were only a little wrong (thereforeeee, making you somehow 'innocent').

 

Getting hung up on who is right and who is wrong will not help in life. Understanding yourself and taking responsibility for your part in what happened will help in life.

 

But, that said, I am sorry to hear the other guy was a jerk to you. That's never a cool thing. Take it easy.