How dumpers feel as time passes?

[lostninsecure]

Just wondering any dumpers on here that ended a relationship with someone that they cared for that was no longer working. How do you feel for that person as time goes by? Do you hate them? Do you feel sad for hurting them? Do you ever have doubts? I have never dumped someone so I just wondered as you move on with your life do they completely fade?

[WomanWriter]

I hate the guy I dumped (but I am sure mine is a different case). He cheated and over time, I just dislike him more and more as a person. The good times become clouded with what he did to make me end it.

 

I'm sure if it was a dumper who dumped for other reasons, I would be different.

[lucasky]

In my experiences dumping someone, I've never looked back. By the time I've broken up with the guy, I've been checked out of the relationship for some time. I've felt bad in some cases, because the men have clearly been hurt, but beyond that, I've moved on happily.

[punk76]

it totally depends on the circumstances of the dumping. i would say immediately, most dumpers feel relief. as time passes though, it could be sadness, anger, regret or most likely, apathy. again, depends on the circumstances.

[stay_positive]

I have only dumped one guy and yea I had a good reason (he has a kid with someone else) but the reasons leading up to the cheating make me feel regret because we both cheated and it sucked. We both still love each other, it just can't work out. I wish my most recent dumper felt some kind of regret because he lied to me and to himself and it just annoys me.

[mad rabbits]

I broke up with someone earlier this year after dating for three months. He was a long term friend.

 

Initially I felt relief. Honestly I haven't thought of him or missed him much at all. I feel regret that I couldn't make it work with someone that actually loved me. And I feel terrible for hurting him. And now as he has made it clear we will never be friends again, I feel regret for losing a long and important friendship. But I don't really miss him as a lover. If I did I wouldn't have dumped him in the first place.

 

That's the harsh reality.

[QuirkyCute]

I would guess that every "dumper" feels differently, and it really just depends. I've heard stories of "dumpers" who ended a relationship seemingly permanently, and returning some years down the road to apologize, catch up, reconcile, what have you, and I've heard stories of "dumpers" who ended a relationship without ever looking back. If you do a search on this website, you'll turn up tons of threads started about this very thing. It really does depend on the personality of the person who did the dumping, and we all know that personalities can change over time. How a handful of people feel as of right now doesn't paint the picture of how your ex feels. We all know that things change.

[inflight911]

Going thru soooooooooooo many emotions. I made the decision to end a 2 yr live in with a woman 2 yrs younger than me..some may have read my story. I'm still sick to my stomach and grieve..and try to shake myself out of it telling myself "This was YOUR decision and you HAD all the facts"..but the fact remains, I'm still in love with her unconditionally. Long time coming, she was bi polar on meds, BPD and just a number of things..lies, deciet, narcissitic..but in down times..the woman I wanted to be with the rest of my life.

We broke up 4 times. I took her back each time. BUT, in retrospect, she wasn't working on those 4 times. This time..she was working full time and when I ended it..she walked. I don't hear from her other than the first week where she said I broke her heart..I doubt that..not even a emotional voice msg. just a statement from her and when I tried to call and talk to her about fixing this, as NOTHING is impossible to fix, she slammed with by calling me a coward, ridiculous and having no balls..among other things. Nice.

She is an admitted (in writing) narcissitic..that should explain it all. Do I feel bad? God yes...I am IN LOVE with her..but she has refused to see me now 5 going on 6 weeks.

She only left a few msg. when I kicked her out..but nothing to the effect of coming home. She said, she would "never set foot back in my house" and that "come back? To what?"...this is after caring for her in ER a week prior, driving her wherever she needed to be and go (she doesnt own a car), buying flowers and gifts all the time, paying all the bills..I can't even type I'm so screwed up.

At the same time I am beginning to despise her. She hasn't even texted to see if I'm alive..I wrote a nice email explaining what had happened and why I did what I did, but that I still loved her and we needed to fix this before it was too late.

Her response? "I'm not reading anything you send to me. STOP contacting and I mean it".

 

Now that I'm out of work..it sucks. Looking for work. Would she help me? Hell no. It was a one way street. Totally one way. Evryone tells me she is going to crash and burn because she is on the high "manic" stage right now. Her world is perfect. Great job, new place to live in a new area near the beach, independent, money coming in...but..her dark side has not come out yet.

[Flint_Wood]

I broke up with a long term friend after we started getting romantic. It was about a two month relationship and we broke up three months ago. She was going through a hard time when I broke up with and thinking of her face when I broke up with her still makes me tear up.

 

I think it was the right choice, but I miss her as a friend more then I've missed anything. I still haven't gone through a full day without thinking of her.

[iBroken]

How do you feel for that person as time goes by? Do you hate them?

 

I broke up with all my partners before my ex dumped me. I have not hated any of my ex's. Things just didnt work out and I had my reasons for leaving.

 

Do you feel sad for hurting them?

I did feel sad at the time. Telling someone who was madly in love with you that you cant do this anymore just isnt fun.

 

Do you ever have doubts?

Always - however, I would never act on those doubts and I just accept that they are dumpers remorse.

 

I saw my ex B/F last night and everytime we talk and hang out, I always doubt whether or not I made the right choice in leaving a very stable 7 year relationship to live my life as a homosexual in a crazy crazy world LOL. However, I would never go back to him. Its not fair to him.

 

Another ex I dated was fantastic. She was fantastically amazing and everything I wanted in someone. But she met me when I was coming out and I felt the need to not be tied down and I wanted to have fun. I regret giving up a good thing for the mess I have been dealing with for the last 5 years. I dont hate her and still love her very much and think of her often.

 

But I wouldnt go back in either circumstance.......whats done is done.

[Blackey]

I would also add that it depends on the nature of the relationship. If the dumper was "suffering" for some time, by suffering i mean the ex considered the relationship as not beneficial anymore and really wanted to get out of there, they do not dwell for too long about their dumpees and usually they are happier when they move on, especially if they have someone new right away.

I dumped 2 girlfriends, one of 2 years and the other of a year, i did it because i new that it is just not working and been fighting with the feeling for some time before i decided to end it. When I ended it overall i felt pretty relived, as if a big borden came off my shoulders.

It didnt take me too long to start dating other people and forgetting the good memories i had with my exs, this space got filled out with new memories, and years after i do not think of these exs anymore, despite of me being crazy for them once....

In my recent break up, i got dumped, and despite of me being insanly hurt at the time, I knew exactly how it works, and i knew that most of the chances that I will be forgatten in time...

I think that it applies to many cases of standard break up when you get dumped, but many cases are individual cases.