How do you move on and not miss them???

[stoligirl]

The love of my life left me last September. We were together for 3 1/2 years. We were engaged, and planned to marry eachother. She left me for someone else. At what point does someone move on? I'm STILL devastated, and miss her so much. The big problem is that I want to welcome a new love into my life, who is so much better for me, but I still catch myself feeling tragic at times without the ex. What kinds of steps can I take to move on? I don't want to cry anymore. I just want to be happy and live my life, and not miss the ex anymore. Is it possible???

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Stoligirl

 

Its possible, it takes different amounts of time to heal and let go for each person, in cases like yours, where you had no warning, and got hit with the betrayal out of the blue, it is hard and takes more time.

 

I had a similar situation, took me around 8 months, someone else may only take 2, or another 18, it depends on lots of things.

 

There are things you can do, like write everything down, making a list etc.

 

you can make a list of all the things that make you angry about your Ex, all the things that make you sad, and all your fears.

 

You can write a letter of what you wish you could tell your Ex, write it all down.

 

Write down the whole story too, all the details.

 

These things help sort things out in your head, certain items keep repeating in your head its because your mind is trying to make sense out of that action. you jump from scene to scene, skipping parts. and they keep you up, and mess with your emotions.

 

I am happy you see the importance of letting go and healing before getting into a new relationship, you want to be fair to this new person, you have a very considerate heart and your a very good person. (we are the ones that usually get hurt).

 

Eventually it will stop looping in your mind, and you will let go, and you can start with this new love and give yourself 100%.

[street]

i know how u feel, it took me 7 months to come close to moving on after a 4 year relationship and then she came back, 5 months later and we have split again and i have to go through it all again!! it hurts like hell not to be with them but we can't waste time on someone who does want to be with us! we have alot to offer and someone else will be so lucky to have us!! thats how i look at it even though some days its hard to think like that!!

 

memories are exactly that, MEMORIES! they will always be there, one day we will be able to look back at them and smile! its all part of life!! hang in there..

[lunatic]

I agree with all the replys to this post. I just wanted to add one thing to the great advice already given. You need to get out and keep busy. Don't sit home and sulk over the loss because it will not make you feel any better. If you can't think of anything to do then go volunteer your time with a local charity, hospital, or something.

 

I also broke up with my ex last september and I came out of a 4 year relationship also. I am now just starting to feel like I am moving on with my life.

 

Everyone has different heal time so you hang in there.

 

 

 

Hubman

[brokenpogostick]

i'm definitely sorry to hear that you are going through this...but what you need to ask yourself is this...if the relationship was all that great to her for whatever reasons...then why would she have done this to you? It was not for the best if that's how you are going to be treated by her. sad to say, but she obviously didn't care about you like you care about her...i hate to say it...but man...that just sucks for her to do that to you...my heart goes out to you...

[brokenpogostick]

oopss!!! him, i mean him lol

[stoligirl]

I scrapbooked old pictures, I wrote all my thoughts in a journal, I e-mailed myself, text messages, voice mails....all to myself. Anything that permitted me to get the thoughts out but not call or e-mail to her. I feel now like the only thing this is doing is making me feel more alone. I don't do it as much as I used to. I'm down to once every week, or so.

 

I try to not bring it up with friends, and when they ask, I smile and say, "Yep, I'm doing great!" Unfortunately, it's so different on the inside. I hope that the relationship she left me for is worth it for her, and helping her make good choices that she apparently couldn't make with me. However, there is a terribly selfish part of me that wants her relationship with that woman to end. I wouldn't wish the pain I went through on anyone. I just wish she at least missed me enought to call once and a while. That's what hurts. She doesn't care about me AT ALL. : ( It makes me feel like even more of a fool, missing her.

 

I do appreciate all the kind words and advice. It's nice to know I'm 'not alone.'

-

[kate111]

Stoligirl,

 

First of all hide, put away or destroy all things that remind yourself of the ex.

 

Make a list of all the bad things about your ex and the bad things about your relationship and possible reasons it wouldn't have worked.

 

When you start thinking about the ex say to yourself things like

 

"its over now, don't think about it".

 

"ive forgive him now." then say in an imaginary way (in your head) to your ex "ive forgiven you now. I wish you all the best. I am going to move on and be happy too".

 

If your friends mention your ex say "im really not interested". They will soon get the picture.

 

You need to remember that life is just an experience and you can't really ever own anyone. Your ex was a part of your life that you enjoyed but your relationship was meant to end somehow. In the future, yoiu may be able to work out why. Who knows, maybe it is because this new guy is going to end up being the love of your life.