Remind yourself, that your ex wasn´t perfect!!!

[SmilingKatty]

I think, it would be a great idea, to remind yourself, that your ex wasn´t perfect... It is too easy to forget their fault when you miss them so much... I think it is very important to stay realistic and not to idolize them after the breakup...

 

So, who will be the first?

[savignon]

Well, I'm married now but I had a stretch of idealizing my previous ex. What I realize now is that while he wasn't perfect, he wasn't all that bad either and while we weren't a good fit in the end, I was much harder on him than I needed to be. The other person doesn't have to be "the bad guy" but just "not the right guy for (you/me)". There's much more peace in that than idealizing or deamonizing.

[Scotty123]

hmm I am tempted to say that my ex is perfect !! Well certainly the best person I have ever been with. But no she isn't perfect just the closest thing I have ever come accross.

 

However I was always the one bringing her a cup of tea in bed. In a year and a half I think she only did that for me once maybe twice. But that's not really that bad is it ??

 

Hey hoo I will have a think about some other stuff that wasn't perfect about her and come back later

[amani33]

my ex only watch movies after movies every night. i actually don't judge or like him less becos of this. but, because he doesn't read, i suddenly realise that that is why we keep having the same problem because he never improve. i am the only party here doing all the growing up, and he remains as the spoilt brat. no wonder this is not working and i snapped.

[SmilingKatty]

I idealize my ex a lot, so I was wondering, if other people has the same problem. You see, I know, that if our break up happened two - three weeks later than it really did, it would be mutual or even initiated by me...

But now, after four months, it is quite problematic to remember, what exactly I didn´t like about him... I have to think about it carefully...

[ElleB]

I had started idealising my ex, putting him on a pedestal, rose tinted glasses all the way until I read some old messages I had sent my friend, who lived abroad at the time, about the relationship. They were not messages of someone who was happy at all.... in fact, I was totally miserable and there was always something wrong with the relationship... something he had said that had hurt me or stuff like that. Only by reading them was I able to realise that he wasn't perfect at all. But without that jolt, goodness knows where I'd be.

 

Sometimes it's good to write a diary or have some kind of record of your thoughts and feelings, because when lookin to the past, we can block out the stuff we don't want to recognise.

[SmilingKatty]

Sometimes it's good to write a diary or have some kind of record of your thoughts and feelings, because when lookin to the past, we can block out the stuff we don't want to recognise.

Thats a great idea! Pity, I didnt applied it during the relationship with the ex...

[ElleB]

It's a horrible conflict between the heart and the head. When in love with somebody we accept them, flaws and all. But it's their flaws, whether it be selfishness, lying, anger, whatever, that has ended up hurting us. These are the qualities that made them too weak to want to continue the relatioship. My head knows all of this. My heart still loves, just a matter of getting it to catch up with logic and common sense.

[kennyc90]

Yeah, when you love someone, you learn to accept all their flaws.

[Sweetkisses22]

This is soo true. Whenever I break up with my boyfriend I miss him so much and ONLY think about the good times and often forget about whyyy we broke up in the first place. It's so hard when you love them.

[jimmajam]

My ex remained perfect in my mind for about 5 months. Then I started to realize that I took much more concern about her feelings and making the relationship work than she ever did. I was always the one doing nice/sweet things and trying to make time for us. She was way more interested in being with friends and other people. She's a great person, but she is far from perfect, especially in the relationship field.

 

The sad thing is that we are back in contact and just by her emails, I don't think she has changed at all. We have been catching up and she is still saying some of the same old crap she always said about certain things. I asked her about something she's been doing and she gave me the same answer she did last year. It's like she hasn't really grown or done anything the whole year we've been apart. Maybe she still thinks she's perfect, lol.

 

I can't judge until we actually meet up or at least talk on the phone, but I hope she has used the year wisely.

[SmilingKatty]

She's a great person, but she is far from perfect, especially in the relationship field.

 

The sad thing is that we are back in contact and just by her emails, I don't think she has changed at all.

 

I think It is a great thing you realize something like that, jimmajam

 

Today I opened a cupboard, saw some sport equipment and remembered the last holiday we had been on together - and how much horrible the holiday was It was very sad moment, but one of very few, which reminded me the real situation of my past relationship and not the one I created in my own mind...

I think, that such eyeopeners are really important for me...