Help!! My ex has a new gf!! I want him back!

[RaeKarma]

So here's my woe is me story. Me and my ex have known eachother for nine years. We met our freshman year of high school. He always had a crush on me but I never gave him the time of day back then. But I always was there for him with whatever he needed. Whenver he was dealing with problems with his gfs I was there giving him advice. We hung out in high school a lot. I always like him as well but never wanted to date in high school. Once we graduated from high school he got with a girl who did not particularly like me because we were best friends and we talked a lot. When they broke up he moved on and began pursuing me once again. This time I finally gave in and gave him a chance and we got in a relationship. We were in love and happy. He was always afraid I would leave him cause he thought that I thought I was too good for him, but I loved him with all of my heart, I just was not used to being in a long term relationship. He enlisted in the military and a year later so did I. Ever since things have been strained. We started fighting a lot, I got rough, and I eventually broke up with him. He was not too happy about it and we were actually on and off for the next few months. We lived together for three years and were together for four. We broke up in october of 2009 and have been on and off until now. At a time we were off I started dating someone else and he was really uspet. After we broke up I got back on.with him. He recently started dating this girl and now he acts like he wants nothing to do with me, but we actually had sex several times while he was dating her! I told him I wanted him back several times and he says that he is over it and what we have is done. I NEED HELP! WHAT SHOULD I DO?? I MISS HIM SSSSSOOOO MUCH AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART!! I need advice....Please!!

[eikal]

Woah, quite alot going on there. Well to be it bluntly, there is no way to get him back. He clearly isn't very interested if he said he was over it and done with. I reccommend backing off and just not talking to him for sometime. Let him figure out stuff out on his own, no need to beat yourself up while he has fun with some other girl.

[Ms Darcy]

I find that on and off relationships often don't work out in the end. When you are together you have a hard time and fight and you decide to end the relationship. But when you are not together you miss each other. Let me ask you, did you miss him when you were dating someone else? Or do you miss him more now that he's found someone?

 

I'm not saying your feelings are not valuable, just that you should reflect upon whether or not this is a healthy relationship dynamic.

[RaeKarma]

Well its pretty obvious that we both need some time apart and yes, I actually did miss him while I was with someone else.....kinda the reason me and that person did not last too long. I just need to know what to do to first off improve and myself and second off rekindle our relationship if possible.

[deecbee]

I'm sorry, I understand your anguish. There is nothing you can do. He is involved with another person, and that fact that you are BEGGING him to come back to you (and not vice versa) isn't going to do much more than stroke his ego. Leave him alone. No sex, no calling, no checking his facebook, nothing. Go into no-contact mode completely. Live your own life and start dating other people. IF (and only if) he comes sniffing around missing you, curious, etc, then you can proceed from there. But right now you've left the ball in his court and he clearly isn't going to touch it. Good luck.

[jbrooklyn]

well I am in your shoes and I see my ex loosing up to me little by little. he has a so called gf but he isn't married and I want him back. we been thru a lot of ups and downs but I believe he is the man for me so I really don't care what anyone else thinks. if u are young then I will say that it is probably best to start dating other guys cause this can be a long road trying to get him back. people get back together but you can't be too blind. it has taken me a long time for us to final be cool but I believe my ex has feelings but we been thru a lot too. don't be a door mat but tell him how you feel but not all emotionally. men hate that. then contact him maybe once a week just to chat. don't bring up the rel anymore. be sexy cool. don't ask about the gf and don't call in the evenings. he probably still cares but is tired of the bs you been thru

[Ms Darcy]

Well its pretty obvious that we both need some time apart and yes, I actually did miss him while I was with someone else.....kinda the reason me and that person did not last too long. I just need to know what to do to first off improve and myself and second off rekindle our relationship if possible.

 

Why did you two break up the second time?

[RaeKarma]

That was the breakup between me and the other person I was seeing at the time.

[Ms Darcy]

That was the breakup between me and the other person I was seeing at the time.

 

You said you and your ex were on and off. I'm wondering what the specific reasons were for the inbetween break ups.

[RaeKarma]

Oh ok. We fought about simple stuff and there were some issues with infidelity on both sides

[Ms Darcy]

Oh ok. We fought about simple stuff and there were some issues with infidelity on both sides

 

I think you two should do your best to really move on.

[savignon]

Ask yourself what you like about the drama and learn something valueable here. You were on and off, cheated, he cheated, now he's cheating with you on someone else...what keeps drawing you in? Perhaps you can start learning something about yourself that will make for a healthier relationship in the future whether its with him or not.