Feel like no girls like me

[i miss her 2]

Im constantly told that Im good looking and a great catch yet when I go out I think I get the cold shoulder from girls. Last night I was in line for the bathroom at this rave and I just said, "How are you?" to this girl next to me, she said she was good and asked how I was but it went nowhere after that. She said it in a way that she didn't really care also. I will see these girls being nicer to the guys I am with that aren't as attractive I guess you might say. I don't know why everyne hates me. Is it just a big game or what?

[sunday2010]

I get that line that i'm a great catch, good looking blah blah on online dating and yes I meet them and it goes nowhere... well just know it haooens in the opposite way too.some good looking girls get nowhere too.

[Fudgie]

I think it may be an issue of chemistry as well as where you are meeting them.

I'm sorry but meeting random girls outside of bathrooms doesn't strike me as a really good place.

 

I'm sure you're a fine guy, you're just looking in the wrong places.

[Mr. Franklin]

Your conversation was the problem. "How are you" is not a great way of starting a conversation with a new girl. It is boring. When I talk to girls I normally talk about what's happening, similar interests, goals(only at school), etc. At times it will make a good conversation with the right person. It does not guarantee a date, but it makes the conversation more interesting.

[i miss her 2]

yes, boring, but what was I suppose to say? Lol Im not going to bathroom lines specifically to meet girls. That was just where I happened to be when I saw her. I couldnt think of anything else to say...honestly didn't really care to. This happens to good looking girls too? Yeah, you're probably right. Like today I was at the pool and there was this really good looking girl by herself. I THINK she was looking at me quite a bit. But I made no attempt to talk to her or anything...I was with my friends. One of them pointed out that she wou ldn't even look at anyone else..and then she finally left but looked away from everyone. Probably mad that nobody approached her...but I didn't feel like saying anything or did not know what to say. Oh well.

[i miss her 2]

Am I jsut going to become more and more bitter the longer I am single? lol. Don't get me wrong, I am happy being that way and it has a lot of great things about it but I feel like the longer I am single the more comfortable I will become and I will NEVER have the guts to really get with a new girl.

[Fudgie]

She probably wasn't looking for small talk and just wasn't interested. Maybe she really needed to take a crap and that was what was on her mind. You never know. Meeting random people in places like that rarely blossoms into anything more than just small talk. If a guy made small talk with me outside a place like that, I'd be polite but wouldn't let it go any farther no matter what he looked like. It's just not a good place.

 

I would not be down over this...really, it's not worth it.

 

Where do you like to go to meet girls typically?

[i miss her 2]

I don't really go anywhere to meet girls lol. I do the online thing sometimes but I don't really want to anymore. All I do is work, band practice, and play shows. The band I am in isn't even what I want to do forever. I was thinking about just approaching girls everywhere I can..bookstore, library, pool, etc.

[i miss her 2]

Where would the ideal place be to meet them? I can't go to school forever! Lol.

[Fudgie]

School (like college) is an excellent place. You may also consider joining social groups in your area for hobbies that you're interested in. Or take a class...perhaps a music class? My good friend studies music (and he's in a band) and he has met a LOT of really cool girls in the music classes he takes.

 

These sorts of activities will lead you to find girls who are OPEN and are there to meet other people. The places where you are looking now aren't really good because the girls there are just there buying stuff and are probably not there to socialize.

[JimmerJammer]

Maybe this is my cynicism talking in the dating/real world, but I have found the general rule of thumb is to expect something and you're likely to be disappointed. Expect nothing and at the very least you'll be rewarded with experience.

 

The best place to meet someone?? ANYWHERE that is common ground is a great start and the simplest answer really is anywhere. My experience has taught me that the love game is a very cruel one indeed. No matter how great a guy I supposedly am and no matter how great looking I am told as well never seems to cut it.

 

I too have often felt like I am hated and unwanted. Right now I'm struggling to get out of this city and never look back... Now I'm rambling on about me. Here is my wisdom for you my friend..

 

i miss her 2,

understand a few crucial steps when it comes to women. These are generalities, but try to pick them up into your mindset. Most women are based around being attracted to men and vice-versa. This is again based on several causes: Physical attraction, Mental Attraction(personality) and chemistry which is a combination of the two. You can't create chemistry without having those two elements present.

 

Now with understanding that, it's important to note that chemistry needs fuel to have a reaction. How you talk to a woman and what you say also has something to do with the way you portray yourself. A man who is very handsome, but has a terrible personality has at least a chance with a girl than a guy who is both unattractive physically and has a terrible personality. Sorry, but girls want a hunk just as much as a guy wants a babe. Difference is like a girl, eventually at the end guys just want a woman that's compatible than another hottie.

 

Where you are and what you say has little importance than the way you carry yourself dude. Maybe the reason your guy friends do so well than you do is the way they carry themselves. You can not care all you want about the reaction she gives or if the connection simply fizzles into nothing, but that won't help your situation. I have a lot more I can explain to you, but one important thing that helped me develop into a better man is by focusing on making myself into the man I wanted to be and to learn by my mistakes. This included making many mistakes with women. It sucked, but I grow better each time.

 

Send me a PM if you ever need any further explanation or guidance.

[LightbulbSun]

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I'm always the friend, but never the 'boyfriend.' Girls like me enough to talk to me, but I share no physical attraction for them.

[togofromhere]

I have found the general rule of thumb is to expect something and you're likely to be disappointed.

Totally. People tell me how good looking and what a catch I am too... all the time. But guess what? These people are failing us. If our realities aren't matching what we experience than it's time to completely remove their thoughts from our mind and begin seeing things with our own eyes.

 

While looks, personality, financial security and confidence level all play a major role in the decision, I am starting to realize that motive may be the missing key in my own situation. Do you know what you're after? Someone to date, marriage, a chill buddy, a one-night stand? I think that knowing what you really want will help you to construct your approach and recognize/select certain personality traits in people. Then maybe you adjust (not change) your approach and actions based on that.

 

For example, I really like having someone to hang with and to have a good time with, but I'm not looking to get married... I have too many things to do before I get tied in a knot. On the other hand I'm not that smooth and wouldn't really know what to say to get a one night stand. On top of that I'm not financially secure but I'm working on it. Also, maybe because of my finances and the thing I'm working on is going to take a very long time to accomplish, my confidence level might appear lower than other guys who have peaked. You know, the ones who have "arrived" after they get a job out of school and they have some cash flow. Of course, after some time a lot of girls will realize and say, "that's it?". Hence the unhappy marriages and/or long-terms that are out there.

 

That's a lot to think about when approaching someone and it's bound to send mixed signals and put out a confusing vibe.

 

It's hard to explain but hopefully you see where I'm getting at. It will be easier to follow through when you know exactly what you want. If you want the girl who's looking for things you don't have... why act surprised when she seems cold?

 

...agree too with the posts regarding your conversation with the girl standing in line at the bathroom. What you said was enough but maybe she had to go and was uncomfortable. Maybe if you saw her again you could say hey I wanted to introduce myself before, etc. etc.

 

Seems the loud obnoxious braggarts get the girl even though a lot of girls say they hate that... if you're none of those & are secure with yourself it's gonna be tougher because people aren't mind readers. A girl can't see into your mind & think ah this kid has something cool going on. So just try to keep things in perspective and see how you can change the situation without changing who you are.

 

It ain't easy and there really are no clear cut answers.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I have gotten it too. Usually it’s from a girl that is a friend and often she is married or has a bf already. I’m pretty sure she isn’t saying it to reveal her own romantic interest since there is no chance of it going anywhere.

 

I think people are trying to be nice and build your confidence but it really doesn’t help. The only way I will gain confidence is when I find a girl who actually likes me enough to not run away when she actually ‘realizes’ that I like her.

 

I put that in quotes because so many situations I have been in I know the girl had to know I liked her long before she started acting repulsed at the thought. But they string you along and play their little games flirting and stirring the emotional pot as they watch you begin to boil until you finally make your move then act surprised that you ‘misread’ their intentions. Or they just leave you hanging with no answer.

 

It doesn’t matter. Rejection is rejection and it just destroys your self confidence and makes you see the ugly reality staring back at you in the mirror everyday. That reality cannot be overcome by a few ‘compliments’ from people who are in no danger of you asking them for a date.

 

Sometimes I think I want to scream at the next woman who tries to ‘compliment’ me. But I know they’re just trying to be nice. But even a polite lie is a lie all the same.

[xyzzzz]

Totally. People tell me how good looking and what a catch I am too... all the time. But guess what? These people are failing us. If our realities aren't matching what we experience than it's time to completely remove their thoughts from our mind and begin seeing things with our own eyes.

 

.

 

soo true...people say im hot and probs im too hot that intimates guys blah blah..but im thinking about not believing it anymore..

however..how can u see this ith our own eyes? how do u kno if ur really a good catch or not?

just last week i met a guy and he says i have a hot body and stuff and i just jokingly said "oh so i only have good body?" and he says"do u want me to say u look hot? well even someone looks hot,ppl usually dont common on that in their face"

hehe...bite me..i guess that means he doesnt find my face goodlooking..

[savignon]

yes, boring, but what was I suppose to say? Lol Im not going to bathroom lines specifically to meet girls. That was just where I happened to be when I saw her. I couldnt think of anything else to say...honestly didn't really care to. This happens to good looking girls too? Yeah, you're probably right. Like today I was at the pool and there was this really good looking girl by herself. I THINK she was looking at me quite a bit. But I made no attempt to talk to her or anything...I was with my friends. One of them pointed out that she wou ldn't even look at anyone else..and then she finally left but looked away from everyone. Probably mad that nobody approached her...but I didn't feel like saying anything or did not know what to say. Oh well.

 

So, maybe there are some cute girls who see you and think "I don't really feel like saying anything and don't know what to say....oh well"

How does this mean "everyone hates you" as you said in your original post? Seems some girls have the same luke-warm reaction to you you have to them.

[wsim]

Yeah, compliments and positive sayings don't really change the reality of the situation. I get sick of them also. Some girls tell me that I have a lot of potential but those words are meaningless if I can't show that I can get a girl to like me.

 

I too feel your pain and have experienced much of this already. I'm struggling to get past the "friend" roadblock. Girls don't want anything to do with me beyond that point. None of the girls that I am interested in are all that keen in hanging out or expressing signs of interest (As a guy in my mid 20s, I know what these signs should be). I can carry on a decent conversation online and offline, yet very few girls actually do hang out with me. Most make up excuses or really only seem comfortable talking online and nothing more.

 

Compliments from people you know are garbage. Odds are they just want to make you feel better or out of pity. I only wish that my friends could actually give constructive and honest criticism/suggestions. Then again, perhaps there are no answers for people in a similar situation. The only advice left from these forums is to enjoy single life and keep having a positive outlook. What else can I do? Don't blame me for not ever having a girlfriend. Tried many times but might as well quit and start living life selfishly for myself.

[togofromhere]

soo true...people say im hot and probs im too hot that intimates guys blah blah..but im thinking about not believing it anymore..

however..how can u see this ith our own eyes? how do u kno if ur really a good catch or not?

just last week i met a guy and he says i have a hot body and stuff and i just jokingly said "oh so i only have good body?" and he says"do u want me to say u look hot? well even someone looks hot,ppl usually dont common on that in their face"

hehe...bite me..i guess that means he doesnt find my face goodlooking..

I wasn't at all trying to say that people only say things out of pity or that you should in any way consider yourself unattractive (or less attractive). What I am saying is to completely remove these comments from your mind. They help to build a false persona or attitude that isn't matching with your reality. These are the thoughts of other people with their own motives and biased opinions.

 

I wouldn't read too much in to what that guy was saying either. You never know why people say or do things. The next guy could say the opposite & you'd think the opposite.

 

So I'm like you all searching for this answer. I think I can help myself to see with my own eyes by improving myself in every way. Forget about looks you can come up with a reasonable estimation of how you look in the world - but you can focus on bringing the right vibe & energy by moving up and at least being content with you and how things are. You know you're a good catch if you are a good catch. It's just that as I mention below, some good catches have a fewer nets Yes, life may be more difficult for some with fewer willing to accept. In my opinion it might even be less about looks than the whole package.

 

Compliments from people you know are garbage. Odds are they just want to make you feel better or out of pity. I only wish that my friends could actually give constructive and honest criticism/suggestions. Then again, perhaps there are no answers for people in a similar situation. The only advice left from these forums is to enjoy single life and keep having a positive outlook. What else can I do? Don't blame me for not ever having a girlfriend. Tried many times but might as well quit and start living life selfishly for myself.

I think life is easier for some people, but it doesn't necessarily have to be doom & gloom. For example, I live for work & dating doesn't come easy for me... I'm trying to reach goals as far as the distant stars but I'm human... I like to connect the same as anyone else. I do have some hope that even though the path is a bit more narrow for me than others I can still find travelers that want to walk with me. In fact, I know there are but we just have to be a bit more creative in finding them. So be it... you say selfishly for yourself, but maybe just think of it as improving yourself as well.

[Philos]

Practice thinking of a pattern of conversation in your mind. Not something generic to say to any girl anywhere, but a generic form that fits the situations anywhere.

 

For example, at school, you two are taking the same class, that's a great opening line. Walk up to a girl when you're leaving class who isn't whipping out a cell or something and say Hey, blah blah this assignment, so whats your name?, then tie the assignment or class into something you are interested in or that she may be interested in.

 

Think of a grocery store... ahh these prices! ahh this brand of whatever... That has to be the easiest lead in to a dinner invitation ever. A) She lives near you because she's shopping there, and B) Who doesn't like food.

 

Anyone remotely interested in you will recognize what you're doing, at the grocery store or at school. What you're just doing is giving people a several minute interview to see if they'd even pass to go on a date with you. You're seeing A) If they find you attractice, B) If you two share some chemistry, and C) If you share some interests that may end up showing likeness to each other.

 

If they don't want to talk with you, or stop their precious grocery shopping for 2-3 minutes, then they don't like the way you look, are seeing someone, something like that. Just move on.

 

If the conversation is going nicely, ask them if they'd want to go eat dinner or something and exchange phone numbers. If not, say it was nice to meet them and move on.

[xyzzzz]

sometimes i meet people and we talk well and i'll just ask their number or FB but i only want to be friends and i want to hang out with them later on.But they just automatically assume i like them so they freak out or something and everything's ruined.

i hate that..feels like at this age (20ish) u cant make new friends with opposite genders anymore? either lovers or nothing??

[fastball2113]

xyzzzz,

 

In my experience the only way for there to be a REAL friendship between a guy and a girl is if there is absolutely no attraction to each other, on both ends. but more times then not, even those "friendships" end with someone wanting more.

 

and when i've been labeled as a girl's friend it's all the responsibilities of being a boyfriend with none of the perks

[xyzzzz]

no..when there's no attraction,guys dont care to hang out with u...so u still cannot be friends..